Introduction - Need Men's Group/Executives

[FocusAndFlow]

I am a career-long C-level executive and I was recently diagnosed with adult ADHD. I cannot take medication, as I had disastrous results twice. It has been tough, but I have made a lot of progress over the last twelve or so months since my diagnosis. I'm white-knuckling it with prayer, diet, exercise, supplementation, sleep hygiene, meditation, behavioural tools, reading, researching, etc., but I need human contact->This specific kind. I can't do all of this on my own.

I refuse to let this condition continue to affect my life and I need at least one accountability buddy or two (men, preferably at least 45 years old) who have this same interest to help each other do better every day with themselves, God, their families and at work. Medicines do not help, doctors do not help, and neither do coaches. I am a life-long Roman Catholic.

Having a men's group is critical. We all need help and support, especially with difficult issues like this, but we are used to being the breadwinners and just getting out there, no matter what. I want to form a group where guys help other guys out and give each other encouragement by sharing our experience, strength and hope in dealing this this most insidious condition.

I hope this 'message in a bottle' of sorts is well received...

Sursum Corda.

Thank you.

[Gettingittogether]

So what's the exact problem (or set of problems) that you're dealing with? Sounds like isolation? A support group can be helpful, but if isolation is the problem, there are deeper issues you got going on that are worthy of attention.

Say more about what isn't working well in your life as a result of ADHD?

[FocusAndFlow in reply to Gettingittogether]

Getting over the 'wall of awful' all the time w/o Rx, for example. How hard that is, but having a group to discuss successes to give each other encouragement. I know this is never going to go away, but I need to get better at growing in self-compassion and 'getting it done' without it being such a draining experience all the time. I'm sure I'm not the only one who feels like this.

[STEM_Dad in reply to FocusAndFlow]

You certainly aren't the only one.

I think that starting with self-acceptance is best, understanding that you are only capable of so much.

Also, recognize that because of ADHD, we don't always do things the same way as neurotypical people do...but that doesn't mean that we can't get the job done.

After receiving an ADHD diagnosis, many people go through a grieving period for the life they "could have had" if they had known earlier. (I did that a bit, myself.)

Some, like me feel a sense of relief; I was so grateful to find out that my struggles weren't due to me being inherently lazy or undisciplined. (In fact, I finally recognized that I'm far from lazy, but actually have to work much, much harder to get started on my work than someone who doesn't have ADHD.)

Yeah, the Wall of Awful pops up everywhere. (BTW - the podcaster who came up with the Wall of Awful analogy, Brendan Mahan, is a member of that Facebook group that I mentioned in my reply to your other post. He mentioned the group on his podcast, and I joined it soon after.)

[FocusAndFlow in reply to STEM_Dad]

Thank you. I'm getting teary eyed just knowing that there are other men out there who are going through this as well. You are right. I'm still fighting this thing and this diagnosis. I basically want to wake up from this nightmare, every day, all day long.

[STEM_Dad in reply to FocusAndFlow]

I hope you stick around here. There's lots of good support, at least a bunch of people here who can empathize with some of what you're going through.

It's unfortunate that you can't try any ADHD medications (by which, I presume you mean stimulant medications). The first ADHD medication that I was prescribed was Adderall XR...I had no side effects from the starting dose, but as soon as my dosage was increased, I developed tachycardia (elevated heart rate). Fortunately, I was able to switch to a nonstimulant that has been even more effective for me than Adderall was. (I take a generic version of Strattera.)

~~~~~

Some things that anyone can try, which might help with managing ADHD, include the following:

* Make sure to get adequate sleep and rest

* Eat a healthy, balanced diet **

* Engage in mindfulness or meditation*** (for you, I say "keep on prayin'!")

* Engage in regular exercise****

* Participate in positive social interaction (i.e. with family, friends, peer groups) on a regular basis

* Reading & learning new things

* Counseling/therapy, and/or ADHD coaching (note: based on some of my research, there might be similarities between "Executive Coaching" and "ADHD Coaching", but I've only done the latter, so I can't be certain)

...{I know that there are more things, but I'm drawing a blank at the moment}

** Consider nutrition supplements, but do your own research; some people swear by certain supplements & brands, while others do not. Prior to starting on ADHD medication, my best combination included: a multivitamin, additional Vitamin C and Vitamin D (due to my specific needs), Omega-3s, ginseng, and ginkgo ...(all from the supplement aisle at Walmart)...but all that put together was only 1/10th as effective as my medication has been for me. The most interesting supplement I heard about recently is Saffron Extract, which in a study of children with ADHD was found to be about as effective as Ritalin...I researched it after someone else here mentioned that their doctor had suggested trying it; I'm just concerned that it might interact with my already-effective ADHD meds.

*** In one of your earlier posts, you mentioned that you pray. I've found prayer to be helpful for me, especially as my own preferred focus of meditation, in keeping with my faith (Psa. 1:2; Psa. 77:13; Psa. 119:148; Phil. 4:8), though I realize that I don't meditate nearly enough. ~ I also have adopted breathwork and other forms of mindfulness...which I sometimes include in my prayer sessions, especially the breathwork, because it reminds me that the Greek word for "spirit" (as in "Holy Spirit") is pneuma, which literally means "breath".

**** Even just walking for 5-10 minutes about 3x a week might make a difference, but ADHD studies indicate that some of the best forms of exercise to help improve focus and attention include activities which challenge balance & coordination, including but not limited to: martial arts, yoga, tai chi, cross fit, individual sports such as tennis & swimming, team sports such as basketball & soccer ...I believe it's about regular movement which involves moving the full body and stimulating activity in the cerebellum (not so much stop & go action like baseball or football).

[FocusAndFlow in reply to STEM_Dad]

Thank you, this is all great stuff. Yes, like you, I have a subset of things I do routinely and supplements. I just started three weeks ago or so supplementing with Iron and Zinc, and it has made a significant difference. These have to be taken separately, at least 2-4 hours apart. Like everything else, we need to research it, try it out, see if it works. There is A LOT of trial and error going on here...

I would say that right now I am, after nearly 12 months of dealing with this, at the point where I know I need to do all these things, but I still struggle to get over the 'wall of awful' that complicates every single decision, especially the ones involving leaving the house to exercise.

That said, I do feel better after exercising and things are 'not quite as hard' afterward. I believe that with increased self-imposed exposure therapy approaches to various things, including exercise, I'll be building up / reinforcing new neural pathways that will eventually knock down said 'wall'. It's everywhere, but less so every month or two.

I will look into Saffron extract - Thank you for the tip. I do pray, meditate, watch my diet (much more that I did previously), and keep working on this overall approach every day. This is also forcing me to deal with my perfectionistic tendencies in that I try more, better, harder and more consistently to do things, and I have to learn not to beat up on myself for not being 'perfect', an unattainable standard I am now finally starting to understand in its full detrimental capacity.

If nothing else, thank you for this outlet. It is helpful to write these thoughts down and purge while sharing some of the difficulties this condition presents. It's like I know I'm going to be OK, but I do still get scared, as this is a whole new world and every day that I wake up, one of my first thoughts is that there is simply no going back.

I look forward to that thought fading into the background and just becoming more adept at simply living my life with new tools and approaches that make it livable again, and who knows, perhaps even enjoyable in a 'meet the challenge' sort of way.

For now, it's one day, one hour, sometimes one minute at a time. It does take a bit of a village, and I am glad and thankful for THIS one.

Cheers.

[StanleyThyroid]

It's a great post and congratulations on getting to C level. I made it to mid management before getting binned by the company I worked for and I am sure it was entirely down to my neurodivergence. What comes accross to me in your post is a huge sense of stress and need to keep ploughing the same furough - trying to succeed under a neurotypical regime. I was only diagnosed this year but am seeking new ways to align the way I live to my condition. I am certainly less stressed, which is much better for my health. These are great discussions btw.

[FocusAndFlow in reply to StanleyThyroid]

I hear you. The thing is, I was always successful at 'wearing the mask', and it didn't really bother me, except that I would act out in other ways whole commuting, at home, etc. The stress was simply irrationally high and I knew that it didn't make any sense. I had not idea about the emotional dysregulation that undiagnosed adult ADHD turned into. Now that I do, although I'm far from happy about it, I can finally make sense of the seemingly never ending, socially awkward, and almost exclusively private, torture of at least the past 20-30 years.

Having said all that, I did develop a persona at work 'that worked'. I've come to discover that it was really coming home afterward that made me feel worse - Simply not being able to take out the trash or clean the dishes after dinner because I'd used up all my energy at work until I 'hit the wall' and had to quit for the day at 8, 9 or 10 at night.

Well, no more. While I take your point about going back to 'succeeding in a neurotypical regime', that is a part I'm actually really good at and truly enjoy. I just did not have the tools to slow myself down, re-tool before getting home, understanding the benefits of all this supplementation, exercise, reading, meditation, and other things, on top of simply praying. Now that I am truly taking better care of myself incrementally throughout the day, I'm finally starting to remember things much better without needing to leave things strewn about the house all the time unfinished, and I can feel myself becoming more and more able to start and stop tasks and then move to another one.

I cannot take Rx because I tried two for ADHD, and after many years taking many Rx for misdiagnosed depression, anxiety, the lot, my brain is simply too sensitive and I had disastrous results (yes, both stimulant and non-stimulant). Since that is my lot in life, then it's back to all these 'things on the menu' of daily ADHD living, and taking stock every day, week, month, especially over time, to understand how any given supplement, habit, behaviour and combined patters thereof helps me to become better and better at task completion though increased focus and attention, and crucially, expending less mental energy - HUGE!

Wow, what a journey. I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy, but I am so very glad to be finally finding some answers. All I need now is to keep at it with my daily discipline and A JOB. Working on my current search is currently the job, and it's a very thankless process. However, if I can end my days feeling good about my progress and how many irons I have in the fire (potential opportunities/interviews), those are really good days, and I am starting to have more of those here and there. The tide is starting to turn. Finally, after 12 months.

Sorry about the rant; it's helpful. I hope and trust that this proves helpful as well for anyone reading it.

Stay strong, pray and be kind to yourself. Through self-compassion comes greater agency, and through greater agency greater self-discipline, ultimately leading to self-mastery. That's the goal, anyway. One day at a time. Progress not perfection.

'I'm taking my time because I'm in a hurry' - Napoleon Bonaparte.