For 15 years, I strongly suspected I had ADD and didn’t think twice about mentioning it casually to others when something made me think of it. Ironically, now that I’ve actually been diagnosed I’ve been totally mum about it (except to my husband, siblings, and two friends). Previous to my diagnosis, I saw ADD as a mostly positive thing with only a few downsides and assumed most people understood it that way too. But now, I’m aware of how many people have misconceptions and only see it negatively, and I don’t want people to be predisposed to assumptions about me that might be wrong, and don’t want their biased views of ADD to make them treat me with less respect than I deserve. This makes me feel more alone than ever.
Can anyone else relate?
Written by
ChaiLover21
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I’m 62 and have had ADHD since I was in grade school. It wasn’t diagnosed but I received A’s and B’s in spelling, history, etc.
there was a section about following directions and I never did well. I developed a very good memory which helped me greatly. At this age, only my parents possibly knew. My ADHD has become
increasingly worse in the last few years since proper diagnosis. I have told a couple of people since My diagnosis. They R car
If someone is a friend, I explain certain ADHD traits. They have been supportive as much as they can be because of the highly positive traits of hyperfocus and the problem of for example me misplacing my glasses in my house and taking 5 hours to find them.
Morning chailover,hope you're well.I think there's a stigma with lots of these silent ailments.If I'd have mentioned this to anyone,friend or family,I'd have assumed they'd say pull yourself together,you're making excuses because you've not done the prep.Plus when I was a kid,I wasn't diagnosed,I didn't know why I was really struggling and the last thing I would ever do was to explain to friend or foe why I was having a hard time.I don't think people talk about things because it's not how we were brought up.And fellars are notoriously poor at opening up anyway.And chailover,you're not on your own and you've kept the people close to you informed.Thats good enough for you.As long as they understand,that should be all that matters.best of luck with everything you do,and remember,you can't please everyone.t.c.
I have had symptoms all my life.... things is I never knew why I did the things that I did.... why things went the course they did.... Once I finally got diagnosed, I went in denial... then as I got older things got worse... I received a second opinion and was re-diagnosed at 60.... Understanding it gave me the reasons why.
I made it a point to keep it to myself and those it was necessary to discuss it with... things may be changing with the newer generations, but there is still negative thinkers out there... they don’t were signs either...
I am not one who wants to keep it in the dark but I don’t think it’s right to be penalized either.
Yes, lots of stigma& dismissal, even among providers. I’m a licensed psychotherapist & work in a hospital system. I’m amazed at how many providers refuse to diagnose & treat ADHD, especially in adults. It’s imperative to find a clinician who ‘gets it’. As for friends & family, I try to decrease stigma by sharing my own diagnosis (when relevant) & educate others when I can.
Well, when I scored high on an adhd test I thought NO! I don’t have the thing that makes little boys hyper. Then I started reading and researching and OMG! I do! And surprise! So does my mom, my 2 sisters, 2 of my nephews, an aunt, my grandfather, some of his brothers... turns out we had a massive adhd family! I of course told everyone, especially people in my family that were struggling with mental health issues. Once I was convinced I had it, I could have screamed it from the roof tops! I don’t care if some dummy has a stigma! Adhd made my life SOOOO HARD! I struggled so badly for 40 years! There were so many dark dark days. No one deserves to live in the darkness of adhd. If I could help one person by telling them and sharing my story, I don’t care if 1,000 people are uneducated and misinformed. I was that person once too. I had no idea. What are that chances that I never met a single person with diagnosed adhd. What if they would have told me something about it. Anything! Would that have given me a clue? Somewhere to start? Probably! Because I was a master of googling mental health issues throughout the last 15 years of smart phones. Nothing ever fit. I once heard about bipolar 15 years ago. Someone said they get highs and lows like depression. I was elated! I have that! I though. Once I google, no I didn’t have that. The search continued.
I wish someone saw it in me sooner. I wish I saw it in myself sooner! My nephew has tried to kill himself twice since he got to highschool. His struggle is real. And his mother is a single mom who was misdiagnosed with depression 15 years ago and has been on antidepressants for 15 years. She can’t come off them. They’ve tried numerous times. I find the antidepressants just help her except that she can’t do anything. Cause they certainly don’t help the adhd. They may now even just be adding to her denial.
Anyway, I think, to each their own. Adhd can come with years of emotional baggage. Rejection sensitivity dysphoria. Co-morbidities like depression and anxiety. All of which could make sharing a negative and harmful experience for some people’s mental health. But for me, having had all those co-morbidities, I would never wish darkness on anyone. I want to bring it to the light.
Does the stigma keep me from telling others? No! It’s such a blessing to finally know what’s going on in my brain and the people that love me and care about me will STILL love me regardless. Who cares what strangers think 😜
I find that being honest is really important- you never know who could benefit from your experiences with ADHD who would have never known if you hadn’t opened up.
Since my diagnosis I’ve been able to help my brothers and sisters learn about the disorder and a few of them are actually looking into testing/treatment for themselves and their children.
Bottom line: even if it seems hard, it’s making a POSITIVE difference that will impact generations to come 💕
Keep your eyes on your strengths and think about how to help the people around you.
I wish I could shrug and say “who cares what strangers think!” but what I do for a living means I have to care. Not to mention, constantly explaining what ADD really is versus the misconceptions people have is EXHAUSTING 😆
That’s wonderful though, that you’ve found opening up to others a positive experience! Most of the friends and family with whom I’ve discussed ADD in the past (before my diagnosis) have responded with disinterest, almost discomfort, and a couple have even pushed nonsense like “It’s made up by Big Pharma/over-diagnosed/everyone is a little ADD” 🙄 But since being diagnosed, a few family members have admitted they think they have it too, so that’s a step in the right direction ☺️
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I didn’t have that. The search continued. 
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