Realizations

[thestruggletoheal]

Tonight I recognized the first sign of ADHD in someone other than my partner, who presents it so obviously.

I've had a long time struggle caring for my dad. I'll ask him what he wants to eat, if he needs anything. He almost always immediately shoots off topic, falls to answer the question, questions me about something he's been holding onto, goes into a diatribe about his health or bills or dating or my plans....

It drives me completely up the wall. I lose my patience. Half the time, I feel bad. Half the time, I don't. I want a simple answer, focus. I never get it. I'm tired after work (in the past) or I have to pee or I'm sick or just late getting dinner on, and I spend 15 minutes listening to something I have little interest in, getting sidetracked, arguing, stressing further.

It hit me. He's totally got adult ADHD too. My whole family does. My brother's 34 and a complete shut in, huge brain, did zero with the degree I worked to put him through college for. I asked my dad if he thought he might have it like a month ago as I was processing my own. He's always complained of having a "learning disability." It always sounded like a crutch excuse because he was always very vague (probably because there was no diagnosis realistically for it when he would have been in school and obviously far less knowledge) and would whip it out any time he got frustrated or confused but never had the language for it.

But there it was. Completely distracted. Impulsively blurting thoughts, probably because he was afraid if he didn't say them he'd forget before we spoke again. This circuitous train of thought that was hard to follow. Anxiousness. Poor memory. All these little warning signs popped out.

Things I'm sure I do myself. It's bizarre as you get older and more self aware how you see your neuroses mirrored in your parents' behavior. I really hope in not that bad.

It's also one of those things I feel continually bad for as I've cared for suspected ADHD kids in the past, and the deeper I dive into what NOT to do, the more I realize how I failed them as much as any other in dealing with some of their unique behavioral issues. Recognizing now what they need, what might help, though I know it's never an easy answer. That makes me feel bad. I used to have (and still do somewhat) have this pipe dream or crusade for helping kids in ways I never received help as a kid - through abuse, mental illness, poverty, etc. But I unfortunately inherited so many bad habits from society, my own socialization, my own mental illness.

ADHD affects so, so many people. It's sad that there is so little awareness. It's sad that people live decades struggling before they have that "aha" moment. It's sad so many kids are not bad or lazy or unmotivated or unruly or impossible or spoiled. They just need help.

[MrsKlco]

When I was 35ish a little old lady I do not know saw my ADHD. I didn't know what she was talking about. That lady has changed my life!! Your story has brought back that wonderful memory of the spark in a very dark time of my life, that has changed my life.

Fast forward, I am now working with adults with addiction and I was the only person to point out that many of this one clients problem may be ADD/ADHD related. We then talked about being positive, empowering him for positive changes in his behavior, and other techniques that work in positive ways. Not punishment and dictating.

My boss was super impressed and the other staff members thanked me because they were just reacting to his behavior. I know that that is only going to make his behavior worse.

In the end, we (ADHD'rs) can only do so much to advocate for ourselves, others, children, ect. Great job! Keep it up

Renee