ADHD and Alone

[Codebox42]

I'm not sure if this is just me or if its a side effect of ADHD. But why is it I can still feel alone and not really acknowledged by people even when surrounded by other people? It just feels like I'm someone people talk to for convenience unless I can specifically relate or have commonality between them I find it very hard to be noticed by people at all and it feels like I can still be alone despite being surrounded by people why is that?

I ask this because recently I've been working on trying to improve social skills and interactions since social communication is one of my weaknesses as a person, I just find it frustrating how for years I just feel like nobody notices me, I also don't have enough experiences to share with others. At first maybe I thought it may have been an ADHD experience, but I even notice how some ADHD people can function normally. I even feel a social disconnect when trying to explain or have someone relate to my situation.

[Colorlove]

OMG I can relate to this 100%! I also feel alone. And it sucks. Ive been in college since fall 2018. And now that have returned to school, started where a little make up people started approaching me? Well let me get specific. Men always approach whether I’m wearing make up or not.. to get my number.. 👎🏼 but all of a sudden women are approaching me! However I noticed one girl who we keep in contact but only to talk about our studies. I want a gal friend. And I feel like because of being overly sensitive or passive aggressive I don’t cut it for people. Sadly.

So I came to the conclusion.. I’ve asked myself am I acknowledging people to a certain extent? Is it my low self esteem? I think the answers to both those are no for the first and yes to the second..

but a lot of that issue has to do with low self esteem for me. It’s very very low. To the point I’m tolerating negative things from certain people where it’s abusive.. unfortunately.

My actions for the past week number one is be courageous! Ask questions. (If got in college) join clubs or go to the women’s or men support/mentoring group. Hang out with that one person who has been wanting to hang out with you or you ask someone you’ve been wanting to hang out with to a social event like an open mi event.

If people are emotionally, psychologically,mentally, or physically abusing you seek free resources or help. Their are hotlines on google or even colleges if you are in college.

Cosebox42. I hear you. You are not alone.

It’s so challenging because then you step into a depressive mode and it feels like you will never be out of it. But little efforts can hopefully help. So far it’s been helping me also because I am from New York the change of season is definitely encouraging me.

I send you peace and love.

[Colorlove in reply to Colorlove]

Open mic event, dance event, art event **

[AZ00]

Hi,

It sometimes seems we may not be approachable. Do you think we are too intense or too real for those looking for a more superficial connection?

[Tlosman369 in reply to AZ00]

yea, sometimes.

[LoveDogs71]

I can relate to that too. I find that volunteering at a nonprofit organization has helped me socialize more when I'm around other people . I especially find that people in the health field they are more sympathetic & kind.

[rtistics]

I struggled with this as a teen and most of my 20's. As a 90's ADD kid, my understanding of my disorder was that I was pretty much lazy and preferred to play video games instead of homework. This did not give me the correct information to go into adulthood with any knowledge of why I am the way I am. I felt like on a scale of 1-10 my brain was almost always at 11. I could never relate to or communicate with peers. Unfortunately, around the age of 17 I started drinking and learned quickly how to turn my brain down to a comfortable 4. I figured out that I had a 1-2 hour window between my first drink and being trashed where I could successfully make friends and have that communication I wanted so bad. By the age of 22 I was drunk 4-6 nights a week. This went on until I was 27. I am now 38, and could not imagine how I ever lived that way.

My advice is, obviously DO NOT do what I did. I not only wasted 10 years of my life but the lives of people close to me. I am lucky enough to have a software/web development career that is totally geared for people like us. I work from home but my company has a ton of other programmers who I can relate to at least on some levels. Ultimately, though, we are unique people and trying to fit in like everyone else is something that I think we need to accept may not be realistic. I have found that having a partner (my wife in my case) that is willing to really understand me and accept me has taken all of that longing for a connection to many people.

I don't mean that to sound negative by any means. I just know that once I stopped being concerned with thinking I needed to be like normal people and embracing the fact that I am different; this allowed me to focus more on how to be "me" in this world of normal people. Since I started down that path, I find that I am way more interesting to people than when I was spending my days trying to make them interested in me.