The friend issue with ADHD: Making... - CHADD's Adult ADH...

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The friend issue with ADHD

Codebox42
Codebox42

Making consistent friends is still the biggest upset and challenge for me as someone with ADHD. It constantly feels like you're alone, even when surrounded by lots of people, everyone never sees the issues you go through or your never considered, even if it feels like you are for a certain amount of time. There's always a sense of being alone, even if you get along with other people. It also doesn't help with the lack of communication and all.

I'm usually just dismissed or not as considered because I'm the "less interesting" choice to talk to because of my hard time communicating with my ADHD.

Why is it so hard to make friends with ADHD? It feels hard to read social cues, in some way shape or form you will constantly be reverted to a shadow..

Thankfully I did meet one person back in October of 2019 at a party and became good friends with him. I'm thankful for this because I was at the period where I had given up on making or wanting friends in general, friends where either interchangeable (and not by choice) convenience or didn't share a close bond of connection with and the only one I thought I did have drifted apart and I felt like I was used.

But upon meeting a new friend that day it's been a great feeling to have someone who calls me frequently and such. Even if I'm not completely open to wanting friends, I am thankful for the one I'm interacting with right now. I'm still struggling overall in terms of friends and don't know if I want any, but having one friend I've been talking to is certainly a nice feeling. It helps that we can relate to things as well.

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Social interaction, having a friend is a important part for your mental health. I have a hard time making friends. When I find myself reminiscing over times when I was socially interacting with a group of people and feeling like I didn’t fit in with them or that non of theses people are really my FRIENDS (but a part of me wishes I was part of the circle) but they are people who I will see from time to time on certain occasions and they are very nice people who are kind and nice to me. I just not someone there are going to become friends with. And it bums me because I want to be accepted and liked. Then I realized the people who are my friends are people who are on the same level as me. These are people who will share some of the same interests as you and conversations are easy and fun. We get each other. We may not have a 100 friends but a few or even one is better then none

Agreed!!

I used to worry about having a healthy level of social interaction, especially after divorcing in my 40s. Recently I read that for people like us who don't truly enjoy a lot of socializing can benefit from having pets! This was good news for me, as I already have pets I've bonded with. They may not speak or provide opinions or advice, but they do offer support in their own way😊 Best of all, they don't judge. They force me to get moving because they need food, water, and exercise. I take care of them despite feeling a complete lack of motivation some days. Pets may not be the only answer, or may not be the answer for some people at all. I know that with my ADHD, personally I'll never live without a dog.

Damn, I can relate! HMU if u need someone to talk to or listen.

What a great post, you hit every nail on the head. With ADHD, it's common to also have anxiety (and social anxiety) and suffer from depression. ADHD itself is not a thing that stands on its own, it's a box of dominoes and once you set them up, it's easy for the whole thing to come down when just one tile gets knocked over.

I started doing a lot of socialising online and try to focus on issues that tackle bullying and promote kindness. I guess I've kind of found my tribe - neuro-diverse people who don't live life according to a template. We're wired differently so our interactions will be different.

Going out in groups for me is often difficult because people tend to bond and socialise over things that either bore me to tears (water cooler discussions) or deeply upset me - like judging strangers. It's not fulfilling and I just can't make a connection.

So thanks for your post. You are special, but not alone :)

x

I have one friend now and I have ADHD and it’s hard since I wish I could have more friends, but at the same time it’s better than none and we both have the same goal of doing well in school. Before I was friends with a girl who did drugs and alcohol and I thought I could just ignore that but it’s impossible. That stuff takes over you’re life. I won’t touch either until my depression is gone for a year or more. I can’t risk getting depressed again more. Just choose you’re friends wisely, I was desperate and alone and I went for someone my “normal” self would have never went for. I thought I could save this girl and be a good influence on her, unfortunately, you can’t change people if people don’t respect you forget them.

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