Exhausted by ADHD

[DayFisher]

Let me start by stating that it is my partner and our 11 y/o that have ADHD but I though this would be a great place to look for support. If I made a list of struggles it would become too much, but I am trying to tackle a big issue: household chores.

I have done a fair amount of research and reading to help me understand and work through certain issues that are common with ADHD. No surprise that chores came up and in the end, after conversations with my partner, I asked her to come up with a game plan we could start with. I had read a lot that says the non-ADHD partner should not be in charge. The subject is always a rough one in my household. I am constantly moving and picking up and get the same question time and time again "What can I help with?"...this question now comes from my partner and her child. Now, this becomes a very loaded question. If i say something I will often get push-back that they don't know how, or it was done last week or they want to finish what I am working on so I can start another task. This doesn't work for me. I feel that delegating tasks becomes another thing on my plate and I already do the bulk of the household chores. I find it less stressful to just get things done myself but then resentment grows as I become a solo worker.

How do I get everyone on the same page? My home is not spotless, nor do I expect that. Dishes not 3 days old are nice, a clean toilet is great and someone else to take care of the pets without being prompted would be awesome. I recommend articles to read and tools to look into but there is never any follow through....help!

[happy_kitty]

How about a chore chart? Something you keep on the wall or the fridge, ect., that says who’s chores are whose. Also instead of asking them to come up with a gameplan suggest sitting down and coming up with one together as a family. We tend to have a hard time taking initiative, so handing over the reigns completely is not always the best idea, but it’s great for us to be involved in the decision making process without being completely responsible for all of it.

Hope that helps!

[Lovinit]

Daily Routine

Morning

1. Review daily plan

2. Shower and dress

3. Quick clean bathroom

4. Tidy up bedroom

5. Wipe kitchen counter and table

6. Load dishwasher

7. Begin laundry

8. Review dinner plans

9. Daily chores

Afternoon

1. Wipe down kitchen counter and table

2 Load dishwasher

3. Sweep kitchen and dining room floors

4. Sort mail

5. Empty trash

6. Finish laundry

7. Quick clutter pick up

8. Dinner prep

Evening

1. Wipe kitchen counters and table

2. Load run empty dishwasher

3. Pull out any frozen food for tomorrow

4. Prep coffee maker

5. Make lunches

6. Plan for tomorrow

7. Last house sweep through of the house

Maybe this list will help you and your family. It’s very simple and when these chores are done regularly the home stays clean. Print it out and tape it out somewhere everyone will see it. Maybe you can assign certain tasks to be each of their responsibilities. Maybe you have a paper next to it that they can check off when they complete it. And I think giving say the husband or the kid the teach responsibility say, it’s solely their job so there is no back and forth of who’s turn it is.

[Unicorn51]

Visibility is everything so a chart or list on the wall really help. Plus partnering on something doesn’t have to take away initiative.

[Maltesedoggies]

DayFisher, I understand all too well what it is like "asking" for small household duties to be accomplished. I am the Non-ADHD partner and I work a full time job just to come home to another full time job; household chores, preparing meals, feeding the dogs.. list is endless. This is very frustrating and tiring and you are right, it is easier to do it myself than get the blank look of why do the area rugs need vacuuming and the clothes picked up off the floor? I am learning he just doesn't see the dust, pet hair or clothes on the floor. Taking out the garbage when leaving the house is achieved when I tie up the bag and set it in the doorway. I ask very little of him but trying to adapt to his way of living does not work for me and my house is not spotless but I like it kept neat.

I suggested a chore chart and he barked at the thought of it. I have tried to talk to him about this and he tells me he will try which generally last a couple of days then back to "forgetting". Is their a happy balance getting him to share the responsibilities? How? If you or anyone can help with this I am open to suggestions.

[kellpurs in reply to Maltesedoggies]

I’m in the same boat! It is mentally, physically and emotionally exhausting. I’m open for all suggestions. We’ve tried the list with the typical lasting of about 2-3 days and I end up being the usual “drill Sargent”

[Maltesedoggies in reply to kellpurs]

I know I am not alone. Many ADHD folks say the same about themselves and I understand living with the day to day struggles. What do we do to live in harmony? Seems we only have cease fires just to wait for the next round.