I received some news I did not want to hear over the phone while at work last week. It was from the mother of my kids. She'd ended our romantic relationship about 8 years ago (although we remain close friends) and she was telling me about a new relationship she was starting.
Now I should be completely over her after 8 years, wouldn't you think? But no, her moving on was something I had always dreaded. She had other relationships on a couple of occasions since our breakup and each time the anxiety and emotional stress in my daily life became very hard to deal with as I never got over her.
Hearing this news I wanted to be accepting and gracious and told her not to worry about me. After the call the level of emotional intensity and anxiety in me started to build until I found my work slowing down to a complete halt three hours later, at which point I retreated to the chill-out room and just lay on a couch completely unable to deal with the information or cope with my emotions and waited for the clock to run down.
I went to my bar job that night and ended up just walking out and self-medicating with alcohol. The last few days have been really hard as my anxiety levels are far from normal. I haven't returned to work. I know I'm in for a hard time for the foreseeable future, as I try to suppress all of this emotion so I can get on with my life and keep my relationship with my kids unaffected. I don't want to explain myself to colleagues as I feel ridiculous for being so unable to cope with something so many other people can just deal with.
Has anyone else has had these kinds of experiences or if it's just me being lame?
p.s. Hi, I'm new here.