I’m reaching out for advice and thoughts regarding my daughter’s current situation.
Two years ago, she was prescribed medicine that unfortunately caused vocal tics, so we had to stop it. She’s now 11 years old, and her teacher has observed that she struggles with finding materials and faces challenges in social studies and English. Specifically, she has difficulty memorizing and paying attention to details, and she often misses instructions, leading to some mistakes. The teacher suspects that ADHD might be impacting her academics.
In addition, she tends to be impulsive and appears less mature compared to her classmates. However, she still has a couple of good friends at school, which is reassuring. On the positive side, she doesn’t seem to struggle in other areas. She prepares for tests in advance and completes her homework on time.
Given this, I’m unsure whether it’s worth trying medication again. I worry deeply about both the known and unknown side effects.
I would greatly appreciate any insights, experiences, or suggestions you might have.
Thank you in advance for your support and comments!
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PAmomof2
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hi there, I am personally a huge advocate of medication as it has helped our son tremendously and he would not be nearly as functional without it. That said, we have had a moving target as long as we have had him on medication. He outgrows it every year and we have to change the dosage or the brand entirely. The good news is there are many medications to choose from and we have not experienced very many with bad side effects at all. The biggest and most frustrating side effect has been the appetite suppression but we try to battle that by feeding him a big breakfast before he takes his meds and letting him eat late at night if his appetite comes back then. No judgment here on whether you choose to medicate your kid or not. It’s a very personal decision for every parent and they should make it individually and feel supported with which ever they decide! All of the behaviors you are describing are definite behaviors that my son has, as well. I’m no doctor but it definitely sounds like ADHD! Good luck!
Thank you so much! Yes, she has been diagnosed with ADHD, and now my younger son, who is in 3rd grade, seems to be showing similar challenges as well. I’ve heard that taking medication might affect the development of younger children, so I’m planning to avoid it for my son as long as he can manage at school. However, for my daughter, I’m seriously considering it. I've booked appointment with a psychiatrist.
Hello, I would recommend to ask a doctor or a specialist. My journey with my son with ADHD took too long to be diagnosed and we did his evaluation with two teachers plus the parents. The struggle in ADHD is not excluded to the school tasks, they also have difficulties they might not be aware of or they can't describe. with my son, the only concerning side effect is the loss of appetite. We are trying to add kids supplements especially Protein to his diet to ensure he is growing healthy.
Thank you, that sounds promising, if the only side effect is the loss of appetite, definitely I will try. How does your psychiatrist choose the right medicine for him, like based on their experience or some gene test as starting point?
He got diagnosed with severe ADHD, and he was just 7 years old. We discussed about the options of medications he can start taken, and there was stimulant and non-stimulant medication. Stimulants are the first-line treatment used for ADHD, and it also with less potential side effects. in some cases, they prescribe both if the stimulants are not suitable or not effective enough.
Since he was a little boy, we decided to start with the medication that has less side effects and the one that doesn't effect his emotions.
Recently my partner and I were faced with the decision of whether or not to increase the dose of my son's medication as it was no longer being as effective as it once was, but he was also still having fewer issues than pre-medication.
I finally asked myself, is he thriving, or is he surviving? I don't want my son to just survive; I want him to thrive, and if he's not capable of being his best self without a little more help, then I think we should try it.
The good news, is medication can always be stopped if it does not have the desired effect.
Thank you so much. I think that’s exactly the question I’m asking myself right now.
My daughter isn’t doing badly in school—she’s managing. She’s also a competitive squash player, which requires a high level of concentration. Understandably, ADHD holds her back, and while she’s not very good at it, squash is a sport often recommended for kids with ADHD.
Like you said, I know ADHD is limiting her potential. The real question is whether I’m ready to take the risks associated with medication to help her perform better. What should my expectations for her truly be?
I’ve already tried so many behavioral strategies to help her:
- Breaking tasks into smaller, more manageable steps.
- Using external memory tools like Post-it notes.
- Setting timers to give her structured breaks.
- Encouraging her to make eye contact (or at least look at someone’s nose) when they’re speaking instead of playing with a pencil.
- Hiring a tutor to work through articles with her, helping her find supporting evidence for conclusions.
- Explaining the reasoning behind concepts rather than asking her to memorize, knowing that ADHD makes short-term memory tough but deeper understanding sticks better.
- Talking about the future to inspire motivation.
Despite all of this, there are challenges I can’t seem to solve, like her short working memory. She spends so much time writing notes so it takes her longer time to finish the assignment. When other kids focus on the teacher during class, she’s the only one playing with a pencil instead. She’s such a sweet kid, but when I fall asleep from exhaustion, she’ll wake me up just to let me try the cake she baked. She is less mature than other kids in same age ,like to play small toys and play with the kids 3 years younger than her. Yet in squash, her coach has to remind her throughout the entire session about instructions he’s already repeated thousands of times—ones other kids pick up after just three or four repetitions and it’s exhausting for both her and her coach.
I’ve been reading Take Charge of ADHD by Dr. Russell Barkley, and he emphasizes that parents of kids with ADHD should lower their expectations. ADHD is a disorder, after all. He suggests that independence, finding a job, and being able to support themselves should already be considered a success.
I’m still figuring out what expectations I should have for her and whether medication is worth the risks.
ADHD is a disorder due to an unfortunate name and only if you treat it as such. I have ADHD (never medicated, but life may have been easier if I had been) who married a man with ADHD. We now have a daughter with (surprise) ADHD. I am a physician, my husband is a college professor. These were goals we set for ourselves, and we achieved them, ADHD be damned. We have started our daughter on medication which she feels has “made me calmer” - she is most bothered by her emotional regulation issues that are helped significantly by the meds- and she now LOVES school (attends a small private Montessori- lower elementary). When she was not on medication, they had to adjust expectations down for her- not so much anymore. She says she wants to be a geologist- we will do whatever we can to support her in whatever her interests settle on. Please don’t look at ADHD as a disorder and don’t short change your daughter at 11 -our kids need our support, faith and love to achieve. They really can achieve whatever they put their mind to. Notice I said ‘their mind’, not what their parents think or want them to achieve. You have done some very heavy environmental lifting to try to make that happen so far, and it sounds like it has helped tremendously. As for the decision about whether to try meds again- find a physician you can trust and make your daughter feel heard with respect to her hopes and fears about using medication. My 7 year old is able to tell us how she feels and what she likes/doesn’t like about different medication. Keep an open mind - as long as your heart is in this to support her in achieving her goals and love her through the challenges she faces along the way (ADHD related or otherwise), you are being her best parent. She should get to decide what those goals should be, not some MD textbook author. He can tell you statistics from his data, but he does not know your child.
it’s hard to tell if she has been diagnosed. I would get a gene sight test. They will tell you which medications will give her side effects, though it doesn’t say what kind of effects or if the medication works. It will give you an idea of where to start.
You may also want to look into a 504 or even an IEP at school. I’m a special education teacher. We have lots of kids who are ADHD.
One thing you might want to consider, if you are hesitant about medications, is supplementing with vitamins or minerals to address any nutritional deficiencies. I highly recommend the book “Finally Focused” by Dr. James Greenblatt. We have seen a lot of improvement in our son (9 yo with ADHD, Anxiety and ODD) just by adding Magnesium, Zinc, mood probiotics and Nutritional Lithium to his multivitamins and Omega 3 supplements. He’s not perfect, but the improvement has been remarkable. I have not tried it yet but have heard saffron supplements can work well too for focus and mood. Obviously it would be great if your doctor or psychiatrist can help you with this, but we have not been able to find a functional or integrative psychiatrist/pediatrician so we have had to puzzle it out alone.
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