Hello, I am new to the community, it's great to have some support as I can feel so alone in all of this!
My daughter is 9 with ADHD, she is taking medication but she continues to have a hard time getting her homework and classwork turned in, she forgets to bring her homework home! I met with her teacher last week to discuss my daughter's struggles and basically, this teacher is CLUELESS about ADHD! oh my gosh, her response is that my daughter just needs to "be responsible", sigh. It has been such a struggle. Does anyone have any tips to help my daughter remember to turn in her work and bring it home? thank you! Letty
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lettyb
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First of all, it is really important that you view the teacher in a positive way! I say this because I taught for a long time, and the teacher and parent make a great (necessary) team. Maybe the teacher does not understand ADHD, but your daughter will meet many people who do not understand, and she is the one who will have to adapt. Your goal is to help make your daughter responsible. The way to do that is to do what you can to help her, then let her experience consequences when she does not do her work. You may be thinking, this former teacher doesn't understand ADHD, either, but I assure you that I do! I have a daughter with it, and it is no picnic, but my goal is to make my daughter responsible. The only way to do that is to assist some, but not in a way that makes her helpless. I definitely do not want her to use ADHD as an excuse for ANYTHING! If your goal is to have a successful adult, someday, this is a good time to expect a little more out of your daughter. She is nine, and little by little can be encouraged to do her part. My 13-year-old tries everything to make me think that she is being mistreated at school, and expected to do too much, but I always remember that she has an agenda. Her agenda is to make me intervene and let her be free to do what she wants! Uh, no way!!!
I understand what you are saying, I do want my daughter to be more responsible however when I ask to meet with this teacher to discuss why my child in having such a hard time turning in her work and doing her work, there is a lack of input, compassion, communication on her part. I have tried to work with her but she has a stone wall between us not allowing for anything other than her expectations and needs.
I say she is clueless about ADHD BC of the way she addresses my child, with a disgusted look on her face and raising her voice telling my daughter to "pay attention!" during our meeting and waving her hands at my daughter saying, she's always like this. I think its rude and lacking compassion. Maybe she isn't clueless and she just doesn't want to be bothered, I don't know but I do know that we are on a different page.
Oh! Hmmm. Well, I am the first to tell you that not all people need to be teaching! Yikes! You obviously realize that she is being disrespectful to your daughter. That is not acceptable, AT ALL. Do you feel comfortable speaking up? Because you are going to have to say something. I doubt she will be as disrespectful with an audience, so ask to meet with the counselor or principal. Prepare for the meeting by telling yourself that as soon as someone is disrespectful, you will speak up. It may be as simple as stating, "Why would you say that?" The very act of waving hands at an ADHD child is actually beyond my comprehension, so you're probably dealing with someone who needs to understand that there are professional ways to behave.
Does she have an outside counselor? Rs came into school & observed the teacher w/ the district behaviorist. Both agreed that if the teacher acted that way when they wr observing, then it was worse when they weren’t their to observe. My son has ADHD, Anxiety (exacerbated by the teacher who crushed his self esteem), a stereotypic movement, some OCD & perfectionism. It took from Nov to March to get his teacher changed. His 2nd teacher was terrific -her son has anxiety & she undetdtood him. Brought out the best in him. Unfortunately, the damage had been done. This is also a big hormone time. I recommend getting the teacher changed!! Ps. I have teachers in my family as well. My kid isn’t going to succeed w/ out positive self esteem. U know ur kid, u know if they r being manipulative or if they truly need help. U pay taxes. Get what she needs and keep pushing until u figure it out. It is a journey.
I feel your pain. The key word is compassion and empathy. Some teachers are unable to understand or not willing to understand what these kids and parents are going through.
My seven year old boy has an IEP, takes meds, behavioral therapy starting soon. His teacher knows it all, yet, she is unable to say one nice or encouraging thing about him. He is super intelligent according to his previous teachers, reading grades 4. his teacher's attitude is it not my job to spend extra time on him. That is the Special Ed teacher's job. She lacks empathy.
Hello. I was not going to comment regarding this reply, but I really need to set the point straight. ADHD is a medical condition. Suggesting or implying that this behavior is somehow intentional or that the child should "learn" from the consequences is inappropriate. These kids are NOT using ADHD as an "excuse" or "crutch" to forget things. It is a medical condition in their brain. Just as a blind or deaf student would need special resources and adjustments, so does the ADHD child. Telling an ADHD child that they are responsible for writing down their own homework, assignments, notes, etc, then making them have negative consequences for not doing so is crazy. They forget and cannot focus because of their medical condition. In a perfect world, the school should provide back-up written notes and homework assignments to the parents (take it from a Mom who has had to spend hours reviewing and reteaching classroom topics at home). These kids are at high risk for anxiety and depression. Please don't feed it by making them feel bad for things that is going on in their brains that are out of our control. Schools need to give the student and parents the resources to help our kids succeed, not fail.
You are correct. ADHD is a medical condition! I have an ADHD child, and taught elementary school for many years. Many of the children that I taught are grown and many are not. From actual observation of the hundreds of children I taught, I saw several things that I found to be true, and I am trying to help another find that balance of parenting too much/parenting too little. If I based everything I know on any one of my own four children, I would be wrong in my assumptions. They are all very different, and that is wonderful!
My goal is to encourage and have reasonable expectations for my own child. It is very important to discriminate between the manipulation of the child, and the actual ability of the child. I did not mean to insinuate that ADHD is not "real," but protecting a child from all logical consequences causes problems, as well. There are no easy answers, that is for sure.
"Your goal is to help make your daughter more responsible" "then let her experience consequences when she does not do her work". Parents with ADHD kids, myself included, already deal with a lot of guilt. Teachers who look at ADHD students as not being responsible enough and/or inadequate parent structure is one of the major issues that are hurting our children. As for me, allowing my child to fail to "teach her a lesson" is not an option. The more that teachers realize that ADHD is a medical condition and approach the child AND parents without judgement, the better it will become. Most of the ADHD parents that I know have spent more hours (and $) than most parents trying to help their child.
I'm sorry that you feel guilty. I believe all good parents feel guilty, whether we like it or not. Like I said, I also have an ADHD child. Consequences are not "allowing my child to fail to teach her a lesson." Consequences are marks in a chart on the teacher's desk that mean that someone does not get to play for 5 minutes of recess.
Are you really suggesting that it is OK to give a demerit on a chart, and restrict recess for an ADHD child????? Would you give a demerit to a blind child who couldn't see the board? ADHD kids need breaks and recess. Really.......
Disorders like ADHD are so complex for us to treat properly. Both of you have great points. I struggle daily with understanding whether a behavior is the disorder or my son just being a kid, that needs my guidance. I think it doesn't matter. How we deal with the behavior is more critical as these kids respond differently to parenting tactics vs most. We can teach responsibility and should, but I found traditional negative tactics ineffective. When he wants to do something it's amazing how great my sons memory is. The key is to get him to want to or even be proud to do it!
Have you tried to get a 504 plan, to include accommodations and give the teacher a check list? Sounds like she could use a little help. Also, you may want to get a free advocate to go to any meetings with you; they have government supported programs for this. I use one in my area called The Family Resource Center. They will help you learn your and your child's rights, as well.
Try calling (843) 266-1318. This is the place I use and I'm sure they can guide you in finding one close to you. Just talking to them is a huge relief!
First try with the school guidance counselor there should be aware of the 504 Plan
Hello my son is nine years old struggling with ADHD and forgetfulness what I have to do is I gave him a Watch I set the alarm for 30 minutes +15 minutes before school is out and he knows when it beeps I made some reminder Cards Business card size and had it laminate So is basically business card With a plastic over it before I did that On each card is something different for example check folder Give in homework or ,sign paperwork ,receive homework ,return book,Bring home saxophone etc. so what he does as long as His watch Beeps he knows to do his checklist that way he is on point with everything
Hello my son is nine years old struggling with ADHD and forgetfulness what I have to do is I gave him a Watch I set the alarm for 30 minutes +15 minutes before school is out and he knows when it beeps I made some reminder Cards Business card size and had it laminate So is basically business card With a plastic over it before I did that On each card is something different for example check folder Give in homework or ,sign paperwork ,receive homework ,return book,Bring home saxophone etc. so what he does as long as His watch Beeps he knows to do his checklist that way he is on point with everything
Sounds good, maybe we can try something like this, has it helped?
Also as for the teacher maybe you should do some research and download print out some information about ADHD and send it into her I have a really good one the doctors give me but I’m not sure the website she got it from but you can try the chadd.org It is colder understanding ADHD information for parents about attention deficit deficit hyperactivity disorder
Also as for the teacher maybe you should do some research and download print out some information about ADHD and send it into her I have a really good one the doctors give me but I’m not sure the website she got it from but you can try the chadd.org It is colder understanding ADHD information for parents about attention deficit deficit hyperactivity disorder
We’re in the UK and our daughter is 10 with ADHD. She’s also High-functioning Autistic.
We have EXACTLY the same issues you do, lettyb. It’s a constant battle, just like getting her ready for school in the morning, and out the door in time to be punctual!
In terms of homework, we find a teacher-parent notebook (where they write down what the homework is, etc) is useful.
Likewise, a separate folder marked Homework for our daughter to immediately put her homework in (rather than just leaving it scrunched in her bag) is also helpful.
Similarly, setting a regular weekly ‘homework evening’ where you sit down together also helps, as the kids come to expect it and know they can’t avoid it!
If I haven’t got a clue what the homework is that week because my eldest hasn’t either, I ask the other parents who have offspring in the class what tasks their kids have. We have a whatsapp mums’ group which helps enormously!
Of course, some of these do depend on the cooperation of said teacher. Last year was awful for our daughter as she had no support whatsoever!
However, here in the UK we also have a Teaching Assistant or two in each class, so if you have this help in the US then maybe if the actual teacher isn’t helpful their qualified counterparts might be.
That said, in retrospect I wish after regular, pointless and infuriating conversations with our daughter’s unsympathetic teacher last year, that we had escalated it to the school Head: Our daughter lost confidence and education through the lack of nurturing and care she received. It really set her back a school year. But this is unusual, and in this case just came down to someone who didn’t have the right personality or resources to give our daughter what she needed.
On the other hand, we do have a wonderful SENCO (Special Educational Needs Coordinator) at the school (maybe in the US it’s a counsellor or something?) who enrolled our daughter in ‘Nurture Group’ and other extra-curricular support systems for our daughter. These were outside the classroom but still within school hours. She continues to attend these at school a year later.
I think an approach like this is really essential, because it makes children like ours feel included and cared for *in a school setting* even when their primary school teacher can’t or won’t engage, or even worse makes our child feel bad about themselves (mine had her name ‘on the board’ continuously for not paying attention - I mean REALLY, way to treat a kid with special needs, by punishing her for something she can’t help)!
I really feel for you, and hope you manage to keep your daughter’s spirits up. School life is tough enough without having learning difficulties and little or no support.
Wow Abi, sorry to hear that you and your daughter had to go through all of that, it is nice to have support and know that you are not alone. Thank you for your suggestions, I will be researching more on available resources here.
Obviously that teacher had no clue, right? Wow, its so sad.
I'm feeling better and thankful for all the advice and tips,
As a mom of a son with ADHD, I understand where you’re coming from. My son has a hard time remembering things. As a teacher, I understand that side, too. We have to hold our kids responsible for their actions, moreso as they get older. We can’t let them think that ADHD is an excuse. (Not saying you are doing this...I have just seen many parents do this.) We can teach our kids strategies to deal with the ADHD so it doesn’t affect them so much and they can live a more normal life
Our school has agendas to help students remember their homework. The kids write their homework down in it in the morning. The teachers usually will try to remind students to make sure they have everything they need before they leave. If your school doesn’t have an agenda, you could always buy one for your daughter and explain to the teacher that this is a strategy you are teaching her to offset the ADHD. If you haven’t already, try searching online for strategies to help adhd children remember daily responsibilities. Also, if you feel the teacher really just doesn’t understand ADHD, feel free to email her an article that you think will help, including the strategies you find and want to try with your daughter so she knows all about them and can help from school, with the perspective that you’re just trying to help everyone involved. Like anything else in life, she can do this if given the right tools! Good luck!
Yes teachers are clueless....last year I started a communication log through it i was able to find out how my sons behavior hw or classwork ... due to ADHD this children need reminder redirection teachers dont understand unfortunally.talk to your daughter about the importance about the log and praise her everyday she brings it back to get her in a habit of bringing it everyday
I appreciate your situation. My son is five years old, and I am concerned that his teacher and other school contacts are expecting him to remember things that are beyond his cognitive capacity. His occupational therapist told him he needed to keep a chewy she gave him at school. But my son's attention span and memory at this point are very short. Shorter than most five year olds. So, I don't question the need to hold him accountable. I question whether they are using the best process to TEACH him accountability. I spoke with my son's occupational therapist outside of school, as well as his school psychologist. They said they would be happy to touch base with the school about the best way to approach the situation. We've also requested a 504(c), and he's under evaluation for an IEP.
Here's how reminding kids in school to do things typically works--or at least, this is my perspective. The teacher tells the students at the beginning of class or after lunch, "don't forget to _______." That, from what I understand, doesn't work for most ADHD kids. The outside occupational therapist and psychologist gave me the following tips. They need someone to cue them as they are walking out the door for a while. "Did you remember.....?" It's as simple as that. Also, they need a visual list. They need to be able to reference that list to be sure they've remembered to do everything.
By using these tips, it's not that they aren't being held accountable. It's that they need to be taught how to remember things in a way that works for their unique cognitive structure so that they can then LEARN accountability and build their memory skills. Otherwise, we're demanding accountability with no instruction on how to be accountable other than sheer will power. And that's a stretch for anyone.
It takes a village! We formed a coalition at my sons school which includes principal, social worker/counselor, nurse, and his teacher. This helped us all get aligned in how best to make my son successful. Agreeing on positive reinforcement strategies and medication management is crucial
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