My son just started 4th grade and it’s his first year in IEP. So I just got a discipline referral from his iep teacher. The first one says he refused to do the assignment she asked him to do. He is in a push in class, he was so fixed on doing the class work that he didn’t want to do her assignment. On his response sheet he said that he wanted to do his choice board and in the future he would still choose to do his choice board and not what she wanted. The 2nd referral he ignored her request to do the work and instead looked through his desk. He responded that he was going to do the work after he found the paper he was missing in his desk. This is the first year where he is really ignoring the teachers request. He loves his home room teacher but can not stand his IEP teacher. She seems to really be stressing him out. I thought him having a specialist would help more than harm. It seems like they are challenging one another and she might need to try a different approach. In the beginning of the school year he took a diagnostic test and failed. She continued to have him share with other teachers what he got and he kind of resented her for it. Anyways I have a meeting this Thursday with his teacher and I just want some advice on how to go about on this meeting. I don’t want to offend the teacher but I also want to advocate for my son. Any advice on what to do at the meeting.
Referral : My son just started 4th... - CHADD's ADHD Pare...
Referral
Hello Sweetkid, we had a similar situation last year. The special education teacher was stressing out my son . She wanted him to do things her way, which is ok, kids should follow the directions, but she did not allow any room for flexibility. My way or highway. It took several meetings to explain to the entire team, how he is “ operating “. More push, will not make them more productive, like it would neurotypical child. Yelling, won’t help either. I would politely ask her what experience does she have in working with adhd kids. Make some suggestions...It’s tough, it’s definitely tough
Thank you for your reply. I will try asking her what approach she is taking and let her know what works best with my child. He even says the home room teacher ask him to do one thing and she butts in and says not until after you finish what I asked you to do. I would think the IEP teacher would know how to deal with these situations. It’s just been vary stressful these past few years.
I think what is best is to listen to her side of the story first. Teachers need to be heard before we decide on these situations. So I recommend you ask her about when she tested your son ..
If what your son said is correct, I would not fight this battle, request a new teacher. It is not worth him feeling that uncomfortable and get in trouble qssll year. I am very surpised at the notes home you would think she had experience in dealing with these kinds of issues.
Last year my son has a horrible school year becuase he did not get a long with a PE teacher, I tried everything to change and we never won. Sometimes our kids do not get alone with certain teachers all we can do is try to change them. We had to wait out rhe school year. Best of luck,
She listed it as defiant and disrespectful behavior. His response to why he did it was because he couldn’t focus. That is what he has heard his whole life in school. So I am assuming everything he does wrong he wants to blame it on that. I will hear her out and see what she is doing to help this situation. I do not want to wait out the year and effect his social well being either. He use to really like school. But he has always been labeled and I feel like he is starting to shut down. He is crying for help, but I feel like the teacher takes it personally like it’s a challenge against her. Thank you for responding.
Yes, but I promise you, there will be plenty more teachers ( wait until middle school when there are 6 to deal with) just like her in your sons life going forward.
When I was in your shoes, I knew this teacher just hated my son and they were oil and water. I tried everything to change teachers and we couldn't get it changed The school wanted to move 3 of his other classes around just to accommodate this, no).
The reality is that sometimes our children do not get alone with certain teachers ( yes he was wrong for not doing the work and being defiant) but she is wrong ( clearly we are not there to hear her side, yet) for not finding a different way to work with him and truly she is the adult with the Sp. Ed. degree... right? There are a million strategies to work with children with ADHD and the first one is not to send a rerreral home, rarely do I see that in my special education world. This school year just started, come on. They sound like they will not contuine to make a good working team.
Just curious, do you have a 504 plan or an IEP for your son? He is only in the 4th grade, we don't want him hating school and shutting down for everyone.
Sorry you are dealing with this, but honestly it doesn't get any better. It is my recommendation that if you do jot have a 504 plan at least you get one for the journey ahead.
Please let us know how the meeting goes.
Yes I hear you. Last year his homeroom teacher was so insulting and belittling. He has had a 504 plan since 1st grade and now he is iep because Of his ADHD. I thought this would be better, but I am starting to regret putting him in it. He hates being pulled for writing and some of the kids in there have a more visible disability. I think he doesn’t feel like he belongs in there and would rather stay in class. He doesn’t seem to be doing well with the IEP teacher I mentioned earlier during this class either. So why is he even getting pulled. I thought they would be more cooperative since the classes are smaller and the point is to teach him the skills he needs so he can move back into the classroom.
You have a few options.. can they push in? That means they go into the classroom and embed service in the classroom. It would be like having help while another adult in there while the kids a writing. Many gen. ed teachers don't like this becuase there is more chatting.
They (if you are not getting results ask for a psychologist to help or a supervisor) should really be working on strategies to make this work.
But also remember, part of this is that he doesn't want to be seen as different ( but he is and he needs the help).
I would not give up the service if he needs it. You can always, call an IEP and creativity work on this with a group, including a supervisor ( this is when action happens).
Please don't think rhe IEP can't be modified or changed to fit your sons needs ( that is why it is called an individual, education plan) all children respond differenly. But I think your son has to "buy into" whatever you decide and agree to do the work when asked.
Hope this helps...
I know this is off topic, but I went to see a child yesterday during PE and he started crying and refusing to work with me (grant it class had already started, he was marked absent, but he was there) I could have "forced him to come with me", but instead I gave him time to calm down and then I said "I have a deal for you, if you REALLY don't want to miss PE, what class will you miss? Art? Music?" I said, our deal is I will come back next week, but you have to promise when you have to miss music, no crying, big boy you have to come right out and get to work. He quickly dried his eyes shook my hand, he then said " when will you come back?" I knew I had him then... It was a win win... he got his PE and now I get him when it is better for him. I say this becuase I realize to be success, it is not always my way. We are a team ( the kid and I) so I find ways to make it work. I know he will have bells on... when I see him next.He loves working with me and is sad when he misses.
Best of luck, these are hard " speed" bumps in our journey.
Take care
Ask for a meeting, say politely but firm, that this and this is not working, and ask for different solution. Read a lot, educate yourself. They need to know and see that you won’t blindly follow to what they say.
There is a great support group on FB as well. Join. Ask questions and learn.
I thought IEPs were supposed to help with the student’s current difficulties in their regular classes, not add a additional requirement on top? I guess I’m not understanding why he has an IEP teacher; IEP stands for Individualized Education Plan, which is supposed to help him in all areas. Is this person teaching an IEP as a “subject” that he gets assigned work for?
It sounds like this is the person who might provide services related to a goal on his IEP.
Every goal has to be "worked" on and she sounds like she is the person responsible for that. It also sounds like she assessed him for this service.
For example: if the goal was for teaching him about organization, she would teach him to put tabs in his binder, how to label things etc...
She may also be the person coordinating the IEP.
Hope this makes sense.
hi Sweetkid. There are some really great suggestions here, so I'm not going to add any. Just want to share a story. When my son was in 6th grade (he had an IEP) he was resourced for two subjects. Well his math teacher that year was just awful, they were oil and water, she had nothing but negative things to say about him - never anything positive. I couldn't stand her. Then in 8th grade, he got her again but this time for a different subject. When he told me, I was like "oh no not her again!" Later, my son told me, "no Mom, she's nice now and I like her" - she was completely different towards him this time. Turns out, math was not in her comfort zone and she hated teaching it; but the other class she loved teaching.
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School Options Advice
My teenage son recently diagnosed with ADHD
IEP ? 504?
