Good morning,
I hope everyone is having a good day so far! Which school setting do you think is better for kids with ADHD and Anxiety? My daughter is 10 in the 4th grade diagnosed with both, and currently attends a Montessori School. She's been at this school since Kindergarten, and since she's gotten older I am really starting to question if this environment is still a good environment for her. What are your thoughts?
Interesting question! Have been thinking about the opposite, would montessori been better than an ordinary school. 😊 I tend to think that montessori is the perfect environment for creativity and with respect for the child, just as it is!
As you questions it, maybe it was a good match for her when younger but things do change! And as she’s still young, a change in near or far future might is an opportunity!?
The anxious/adhd mind in some aspects, for some individuals, maybe gain from overstructured environments i e schools with ”strict” discipline”/”structure”. 😊 Hard to know…
Don’t know if this was of any help. But I wish you find your way with school for your loved one!
That's what I thought, and initially I felt like the Montessori environment would have been good for her seeing as though she's very curious and hands on. She also has an independence about herself as well. Each month had a character trait that was being taught for the whole month, but now it seems that isn't happening anymore. Montessori is supposed to be more of an independent environment which I was okay with, but I am starting to feel like her current teacher has too much independence in her classroom with certain things. Example: some of the older students are just plain rude and nasty to some of the younger students ( like my daughter) they have no respect for them at all. I feel like when the teacher sees back and forth situations going on with the students she just lets it go on instead of actually trying to help the situation get worked out. When this is happening with an older student and my daughter she basically tells my daughter to suck it up and doesn't want her to be able to express her thoughts or feelings and I am not going for it and neither is my daughter. Things have been like a constant game of ping pong ( minus the fun of the game ). I've had several conversations with her teacher and 2 recent meetings with one of the principals. I am so ready for summer vacation! Thank you, I appreciate your comment.
Maybe montessori suits her, but not this specific school right now. Happy summer holiday, also longing….!
agree it’s a good question and my take is it’s highly individual. My son is kindergarten at a public school and absolutely could not handle all the structure and inflexibility. He had a very tough time transitioning to this from a more play based preschool. After a few months of behavioral issues he was moved to a self contained class at his same school which has 8 kids in the class. He is now doing very well and loving school. I think what’s working best is the smaller (less overstimulating) and individual attention as well as the flexibility to take breaks, have free play etc. I don’t know what we will do after 2nd grade when this class is no longer offered because as of now he cannot conform to the expectations within a 24 person general ed class.
My daughter works well with smaller groups or one on one learning. She has her good days and her bad days. On the days that she struggles I feel like her teacher doesn't consider the fact that she may need more help on these particular days so she lets her struggle. When my daughter notices that it only makes her not want to even try to work, so she deflects it. Then she's in trouble and then that makes her angry and then the whole day just goes down. I've explained to her teachers, Resource teacher, and social worker that she doesn't need any special treatment, but when she's struggling and needs help she's supposed to get the help! Thank you for your comment, and I hope everything continues to go well for you and your son!
my 9yr old son is adhd/anxiety also and Montessori was awesome when he was little til about 2nd grade. Then he simply had too much freedom and got good at escaping work. I watched other kids thrive in that environment but my son needs more structure. We are at a public school now and he definitely still struggles in school but he’s held more accountable with work and the day is a little more predictable for him. He takes a small dose of methylphenidate twice daily and that also helps. The anxiety is a beast that comes and goes. Doc has suggested medicating for that and right now I can’t justify it. But yeah, I would consider other options for her at this point.
I think the independent working part is good and bad. Good because normally the teachers aren't over bearing and micro-managing, but bad because the kids can and will take advantage of the freedom. At this point my daughter is being micro-managed, and I have had made note of it. I feel like my daughter clashes with her teacher when her teacher speaks to her in a rude/nasty manner. Voice raising, yelling, or any kind of unpleasant tone is a trigger for her. It's been a challenge trying to teach her how to navigate around that, because the harsh reality is the world and some of the people in it won't care about her triggers. Now it's to the point that some of the students in her class are doing it, and letting it be known they don't care about what challenge my daughter has going on. She was diagnosed with anxiety first, and she recently started medication for the anxiety last month. Her anxiety has always been noticeable, but nothing like this. Her psychiatrist says this environment is probably not the best one for her anymore, so this will be her last school year at this school. Thank you for you comment, I send you and your son good /positive thoughts!
I have read that kids with ADHD do best in elementary schools that have a lot of structure. Looking at my own child’s different school years, the teachers that had high structure in the class were best for him.
In third grade, we switched him to a school that has a focus for kids with ADHD. That’s worked out well for him. We live in a big city, so we’re fortunate to have that option.
Can you tell more about what kind of school it is and how you found it. I’ve had a hard time figuring this out.
It's a Montessori school. Montessori teaching is SUPPOSED to have some level of discipline, but is geared more towards independent learning. Now keeping in mind they also teach what they call "Practical Life". This teaches about everyday things we as parents teach. How to spoon food, how to pour liquids, taking out trash etc. I heard about Montessori online and from a few people. My daughter is very curious, and hands on, so when I heard how they teach using the Montessori materials I thought oh this might be good for her. Then I considered how each student has his or her own individualized work plan and thought okay, that could be good for her if she's not grasping something right away! Kindergarten was fine in terms of her interactions with her teachers and some of the students most of the time. First grade was fine because she was virtual. Second grade started out good, but ended horribly to say the least. Third grade was up and down but a little better than second grade. I feel like since she's getting older the mix of classes with the fifth and sixth graders may not be a good mix. A lot of the older students seem to not care about the feeling or opinions of the younger students, and I think the teacher thinks the kids are capable of working these situations out for themselves but they clearly can't because there's always some drama going on. You can also Google Montessori schools around your area and if there are any in your area they should come up. Thank you for your comment 
Thank you so much. I will look into it.
I heard the same thing for both. I thought the combination of independence, hands on, and being able to work at her own pace would be good for her. I think in kindergarten it was good for her. First grade she was virtual due to covid. She went back in person for second grade, and it started out good. She had the same first grade teacher for second grade. Things took a turn after Winter break. At this point kids kept hitting her, and to me the teacher and administrators weren't really trying to find out what was actually happening whenever she had a situation with another student. She was being blamed for every situation that happened, they would tell me they would investigate and get back to me and most the time that didn't happen. The teacher started acting completely different towards her especially how she spoke to her. I would talk to the teachers and things would stop, but start again. I told the teacher if she planned on having all of the same students in her class for the third grade school year then my daughter wouldn't be in her class. Then I wasn't aware that in order for my daughter to receive Social Work Services in school, I had to request it in writing. I did that met the Social Worker (mind you this is at the END of the school year) we put a plan in place for my daughter, she started seeing her immediately then boom! She goes back for third grade and suddenly the social worker is no longer working at the school! No one notified me about it either. She has a new teacher which i'm okay with, and figured that would happen. He ended up being a really good teacher, and no matter what situation was going on, he did his best to help her in every way he could. Sucks he was her teacher just for one school year. I've checked around for schools that are specifically for kids with ADHD and most of them you pay tuition for or they're for older kids. I wish there were more schools for kids with ADHD available. Thank you for your comment and best of luck to you and your son
This is a great question. I have a rising 9th grader and finding a high school is a struggle. We tried online for 8th grade, she did not like it but brick and mortar classes can be overwhelming for her.
I have the same age daughter and am worried for high school… she really gets overwhelmed and panicky and can’t calm herself down. She’s very good at listening to her body and knowing when a panic attack is incoming. It’s so sad and hard and we pick her up sometimes a lot and then she will go for a couple of weeks ok. 7th grace was a lot of school refusal. She tests well and has great close friends and has good relationships with teachers and admin. They all love her to pieces. But she’s failing. Online classes do NOT work well for her as the internet is a huge distraction The girl has 25 tabs open at all times and switches back and forth shopping games menu searching and homework.
What’s your story?
Yes, my daughter was the same online tabs all across the top listening to Spotify on discord doing everything and would miss live lesson. The teachers and staff love her but she doesn't complete her assignments, she anxiety is really high all the time. I feel so sad she's dealing with this because she's a great kid but socially awkward.
My daughter is in the fourth grade and 10 years old. She has Anxiety (Generalized/Separation) Combined type ADHD. She currently takes 35mg of Focalin for her the ADHD and 50mg of Zoloft for the anxiety. She's been on medication for the ADHD since 2020 and recently started taking Zoloft last month. When it comes to friends that's an up and down thing because some days people want to be nice and some days they don't want to be nice. She has relationships with some of the teachers and other staff as well. She's only attended a Montessori school, so i'm not sure how brick and mortar will work out for us. She has an IEP, so she does receive Special Education Services. Her resource teacher does her absolute best to do her job with my daughter. My issue is more so with her primary teacher right now, and how she speaks to my daughter, and how she handles certain situations. Last week a sixth grader punched her in the face, and she hit him back. The boy then punched her in the face again, and they ended up fighting. Her teacher's response to her was "You shouldn't have let the fight happen". I was so confused by that response and went to the principal about it. So now after all of the foolishness we won't be returning to this school. I hope high school works out for you and your daughter. Sending you guys positive vibes
She was virtual for the last few months of kindergarten due to Covid, then completely virtual for first grade. She went back in person for second grade and adjusted well. She just started having many many issues with her classmates, but I also believe the medication played a role in a lot of her issues. I say that because when she stopped taking it, there was a difference in her focus and behavior. Let me know how everything works out finding a high school for her. Thanks for your comment
This is a never-ending question for parents with kiddos whose learning styles, brains and bodies aren't well served by traditional American school. I've been searching for a better situation for our 7th grader (with ASD and ADHD) each year for the past 4 years and I'm in the midst of a conversation currently about high school options with a group of mom friends with kiddos in similar circumstances. A full-year of distance learning during the pandemic was a disaster for our son, and completely flipped him from a kiddo who mostly went to school happily and had lots of friends to a kiddo who would rather be in his room on his computer all day. Here are my learnings: 1) moving from a 504 plan to an IEP was a huge improvement for us. IEP's have much more accountability and having an IEP case manager responsible for our son's IEP was super helpful for communication and navigating school challenges; 2) the school environment in terms of bullying vs. celebrating diversity and welcoming kids as they are is paramount especially as kids enter 5th, 6th grades. Our son experienced lots of bullying in 6th grade and we decided that even though he connected with a couple teachers who really loved him and got him, the social situation was too damaging; 3) we are now at a long-standing charter school (grades 6-12) that essentially serves a range of kids who aren't well served in traditional schools. Lots of neurodiverse kiddos, lots of diversity around gender, lots of creative/think outside the box kids. There's flexibility and an emphasis on project-based learning around topics students each choose. And acceptance of students how they are--lots of them wear headphones, bring stuffed animals, are quirky in many ways and there's no bullying. Even in this situation, our son doesn't like/love school and goes through periods of resisting going. He's got the tabs open on his computer just like others described. They have a no cell phone policy which has helped some. But I know he's safe and known.
Distance learning definitely isn't for everyone. I think our first go round with distance learning was a bit of a challenge, but was definitely better for her first grade school year. Second grade was back to in person learning, and when it was over and third grade rolled around she actually wanted to be virtual that year, but I don't believe there was an option for it. She's had an IEP since Kindergarten (thank God) and it's been helpful for her for the most part. She also receives social work services in school, but sometimes she can't get her time with the social worker because she's tied up with other situations. There are only two social workers for the whole school, and if I am not mistaken there are over 800 students in the school. So sometimes that's an issue for us too. Then there's the conversation about bullying. It should not be happening, but unfortunately it's happening. My daughter just had a situation with one of her classmates yesterday where the girl kept calling her Autistic (which she's not) but why are you saying something like that anyway? And so what if she was? The teacher doesn't say anything about it like it's okay. This same kid told another student "your opinion does't matter here"! Like are you kidding me?! Meanwhile, I was in the actual classroom to witness this situation, and I was so confused that the teacher never said anything to this student. I'm hopeful that I can find my daughter another school to accommodate all of her needs.
my daughter is also 10 but in a typical classroom. She had some trouble in public school, but is doing better in a charter school. The structure is quite helpful. As a person who also has those diagnoses, I would think Montessori schools would be distracting, and hard to make decisions, though the hands on experience would be helpful.
Great question
I can relate to many of the posts. My kid is now 16 (finishing 10th grade) (ADHD) but we had a horrible middle school years 6, 7, 8 during COVID and had to enroll her in OP intensive therapy followed by wilderness therapy for depression and anxiety. Middle school/public was a disaster for her, as was virtual learning. She has been at a private school for 2 years now, boarding, all girls, small classes 1:5, and as was recommended by her wilderness program, doing OK in a VERY SUPPORTIVE environment. She is happy and has friends. Grades steadily improving, but not overnight. No school is perfect. Thank you for sharing.
Thank-you for bringing this message to the group. I strongly recommend getting a 504 plan or I.E.P ( individual Educational Plan), which can be like a road map for your child.
I also recommend you tour any school "setting" you choose.
Since your child is in 4th grade now, most likely she will have a short amount of time if you move schools next year since she will be heading to middle school soon.
Some elementary schools go up to 5th grade and some go to 6th grade.
If you are looking for a more traditional school, with a teacher in front of the classroom and taught by subjects, then it will be important to meet some of the teachers your child could be matched up with.
The Montessori schools I have worked in are more project based and task/job based. This is different than a traditional school with desk.
Also most middle schools she would transfer from class-to-class so this is important to think about..
One thing to think about, does she struggle to learn and if so is she getting help with this.
It is also important that she has the tools to help with the symptoms of ADHD and her anxiety.
Hope you find the right school for her.
We are always here to support you and answer any questions you might have.
Sorry to hear about the social problems. We’re in a Montessori school too and while I love the mixed age classrooms, sometimes it’s also hard for my kiddo (2nd grade) to get along with the older kiddos.
How’s your daughter feel about school? Is she otherwise confident? Does she feel capable? I ask because I feel like my kiddo is overall thriving in an environment without testing and grades. She has trouble self-regulate and often feels bad about herself because of that, so I’m grateful she doesn’t have another aspect of school to worry about for now.
Good luck sorting it out! There’s no clear answer and we’re thinking about all options too.
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