Behavior Great at school

[Trpwife07]

Anyone else have an ADHD child who's behavior is wonderful at school but not at home. Struggling to get him help at school because they don't see "bad" behavior so they don't feel there is a problem. He's having trouble with comprehension and I know it's because he can't focus. Have started meds with good results at home but not sure if helping at school since they don't feel he has any issues to begin with. Grades don't reflect no problem though.

[jyoti_mohan]

OMG YES!! My son has been diagnosed with ADHD. He has always been well behaved and done reasonably well academically in school. Only at home do we see the social distortion and trouble he has. We will start him on Focalin soon, and see if his social interaction improves, but you have to fight to get a 504 for him and get him whatever help and accommodations you think he needs, Good luck!

[Trpwife07 in reply to jyoti_mohan]

Glad to hear we're not alone. He's on Focalin ( about 5 weeks now) and has helped greatly at home. We also are doing behavioral therapy so I'm finally seeing the kid his teachers see. Good luck to you guys also!

[Elijah1]

This difference sometimes happens because of co-existing anxiety, which makes them behave in school (afraid to break the rules) even though some attention problems are present.

[Trpwife07 in reply to Elijah1]

That makes sense. He also was diagnosed with anxiety and ODD. Thank you for making that connection for me! He comes home complaining pretty much everyday about kids not behaving and being loud and will focus on just that for almost an hour before we can finally change subjects. This is what I was explaining to his school and again they don't see that so don't completely understand.

[jyoti_mohan in reply to Trpwife07]

I feel like our kids were separated at birth!! His report cards are always talking about what a great kid he is, how many friends he has etc etc. But the daily story we get at home for upwards of an hour each day is how no one likes him, everyone bullies him, is mean to him, gets him into trouble etc etc. Yes, my son also has the same Anxiety and OCD, so he knows to behave in school, so of course they don't see any problems! He is also on Paxil 10 MG which has really helped for anxiety. The saddest part is that as a parent wanting to support my child, I really don't know what to believe when my child narrates a social situation to me, because it can be so distorted, and so with the best intentions in the world, there may be some actual situations where a note to the teacher may be warranted but I haven't done it, because I don't know if it is true or distorted!

[Elijah1 in reply to Trpwife07]

Does his anxiety need to be treated?

[Trpwife07 in reply to Elijah1]

I don't really think so ( medication wise that is) but I really don't know. He's only 6 and does receive behavioral therapy also. He really has responded well the last 6 weeks to the combo of meds and therapy. I don't want to try to much to quick. Compared to where we were two months ago is night and day. I will keep that in mind if things continue to get worse with his anxiety. It took me forever to even get anyone to actually assess him and therefore diagnose him. It was always written off that he was just a boy because it didn't effect his school like it did home.

[Pennywink in reply to Trpwife07]

I can relate! My son was diagnosed ADHD-Inattentive, and I totally believe he is Combined. I hadn't considered anxiety was keeping him in check at school.

But yes, at age 6, my son is a HIGHLY unreliable narrator - so I'm always skeptical we aren't getting the full story. I've even seen it at home w/ friends where I witnessed everything. 2 hours they get along great, and he only talks about the 20 secs of a minor issues, even though it was resolved in his favor with an apology.

I can't say I've found a solution yet. Though I do now send him on "missions" at school - to see something funny, or see an act of kindness, or do something nice for someone- and report back at dinner. Now, getting him to remember to do it is another thing entirely....

[5Flyingeagle in reply to Trpwife07]

Sounds like my daughter. She has ADHD both kinds, ODD, Anxiety, and Sensory issue's. She will be in 2nd Grade next year; each year more is coming out at school. She has a hard time staying focused and staying on task. She has issues with the timed math, also. She never wants to go to school, but everyone says she seems to like it and all the kids seem to like her. She never wants to do home work and teachers don't care about it.

[Elijah1]

It's great that he is doing better. I agree that time will answer the question.

[anirush]

Some kids use every fiber of their being to keep it together in school. So once they get home it all falls apart.

[GoCougs]

I can relate to this also. My 6 y/o kindergartener is ADHD Combined Type / ODD. The worst thing he does at school is blurt and sometimes has trouble sitting in his seat. Academically, he is doing well. Socially, I hear he is doing well with friends. But, when he gets home, he can't get along with his twin brother and is very mean to his sister. Often complains that he has no friends, besides the teacher's aide. He was recently diagnosed (end of Dec), so we haven't gotten to a psychiatrist for meds yet, but we are leaning that way - he has been in behavior therapy weekly since October. I, too, believe he puts so much effort into being good at school, he is exhausted by the time he gets home, which leads to frequent fits and tantrums, especially on Thursday nights. It is like two different kids. I am thankful he is good at school, really, because I think it would be more difficult if he was great at home and school was the main issue. It is such a challenge, but we will continue doing the best we can to help him. I will look into the Focalin you mentioned, as the medication process seems so overwhelming, but I have to start somewhere. Thank you for sharing.

[SMariano]

I read an article a year or so ago that talked about this. They pretty much said that kids try super hard to hold it together and "be good" at school that once they get home they are tired, stressed and know that they are in a safe place where they can let it all go.

[LisaAnn13]

A lot of times schools miss it because they are always rewarding lids so this feeds an ADHD mind. They know they will get something so in turn they do the work. If they are anything like my SS and are competitive they also want to beat or do better than their peers. My SS also listens in school and at home it's like he has cotton in his ears. Very tiring. Be very structured and stick to things you say. They may be forgetful and lack.focus so write things down, repeat things to help but make sure there are fair consequences to match the problem when something happens. Ex when my SS is getting feedback which he hates he shutsdown, gets an attitude, answers us with an attitude, rolls his eyes and we see lucky if he even responds most times. Before we start we remind him that if he does not participate what the consequences are if he understands and we dont waste time anymore. If he comes in hot we tell him.go to your bed lay down and come back when you are in a better mode and head space and want to speak to us. We also repeat the golden rule treat others how you want to be treated. Some days this is quick some days not so much but if he can go 8hrs being super cooperative with his teachers no reason he cant at home.