ADHD is a neurological disorder and rarely managed by anything but medication. Your daughter needs daily medication, preferably a stimulant. You don't say what you tried, or how it failed, but I would find a good physician and start trying and adjusting doses. It is very doubtful that either of you will have a good year if she's not on meds. Middle school is much different than grade school and high school is even more challenging. She truly cannot control or change her behavior and therapy doesn't do much without the medication. Think of this disorder the way you would think about diabetes or a seizure disorder. You would not allow her to refuse meds for these conditions, right?

Hi, my son is on media since last September. I was trying to avoid meds , do not admit he needs them and I was hoping he will mature and change. Well, he didn’t, and the older he was getting , the harder it was to deal with adhd. He suffered from being constantly punished: at school and at home. His self esteem suffered.

My advice: read and print some posts from here. Read it to your husband. Read again. He will start to identify the problem.

Watch the YT video of dr. Russell Barkley

Good luck

I am thinking about your question, how to get your husband and daughter on board with meds?

Possibly talk to her about how medication can help her feel less angry and emotional. Ask her if she would try it for 6 weeks and see if she feels happier. If you get her on board, her dad would probably come around.

My son was not medicated until middle school. He finally came to me. He said he was tired of constantly being in trouble. He was ready to try something.

I also want to applaud you!! Huge kudos for treating your step daughter so well! A lot of times it’s hard for step parents to understand and commit to helping. I think you’re amazing!

Shoot, i just wrote a long reply but couldn't post. Anyway, dr Barkley is my hero. Mine is 12 and a girl too. She deals in facts . Black and White. I try to explain the science behind the meds to her. I showed her the results if her genetic testing. I made her listen to the med portion of this video. No fights about meds... Ever. Well, unless she is in a rageful odd moment then she will do nothing i ask. We do Seroquel as well as Vvyanse. The Seroquel made all the difference with her anger. Good luck

Welcome and kudos to you for not giving up. Middle school is much tougher than elementary school so you definitely want to find the right meds for her. It took me 7 different meds and 3 drs for my son so my advice is don’t give up and make sure you are seeing the right dr. If you feel the meds aren’t working don’t waste your time and move on and sometimes that also means switching drs. My son takes Focalin several times a day. He’s been on it for 5 yrs and it works for him. Unfortunately ADHD meds are not a “one size fits all”. Body chemistry plays a big role so you need a good dr that specializes in treating ADHD kids to help find the right combination. You definitely want to get your husband and daughter on board with accepting she needs help. Like others shared there are a lot of good videos out there to help explain ADHD. Good luck

I agree with all of the comments. I have a 12 yo daughter with ADHD , ODD, and Anxiety. She is on her 3 rd med for ADHD, just started a week ago. Summer is a good time for med trials. She is on vyvanse 40 mg, and started strattera (will take 4-6 wks for strattera to kick in). It is too early to tell, but I am hopeful. She did have obsessive thoughts with adderall and also with vyvanse, but lesser with vyvanse. I am also considering finding a different Pediatric psychiatrist, but few take my health insurance,so it can be difficult.

Middle school is definitely more challenging. She will have difficulty with executive functions, and will need medication to succeed. Keep trying, and dont give up. I have gone through so many therapist, and psychologist. I give my daughter her med every morning, and if I forget, she tells me she has a harder time e focusing at school.

I'm in the same predicament with my eleven year old son (my adopted blessing) who will be starting school Tuesday. He is dreading every minute of it:(. Last year was really hard and I am praying that this year is better. He is on intuniv along with a new med that helps with focus. He started playing an instrument and went to a camp and seemed ok with it although the orchestra teacher emailed me regarding inappropriate shout outs from my son which seemed to end after I told him what the orchestra teacher wrote. I talked with the middle school counselor and have him on a 504 plan. He's enrolled in a public school but if the classes are too big and the teacher not understanding...it scares me. I might consider a private school but will it be better? I guess take it one day at a time...

I wonder about her talking to another kid who takes medication who sees how much the medication really helps them? My son is going into 7th grade and this will be his 2nd year in middle school. He has no problem taking his medication and knows that it is a must.

To be honest it has taken us a while ( maybe 6 or 7 different medications). But our son is able to functation only due to daily medication. He takes 2 different types. 1 for impulse and 1 for focus.

I had similar situation with my son- We stopped meds for the summer (he doesn't like to take them and he eats less while taking). When school started again, he seemed to react negatively to his vyvanse (worse than before), so I stopped the vyvanse for about two weeks. My son insisted to me that all was well -that he was paying attention and doing great in school. I knew this was not the case because he had no idea what homework assignments were and he could not tell me what was happening in class. But still, he argued that he didn't need the meds anymore. Then I had a conference with one teacher. She told me that they had this week-long writing assignment in which they should have been working on in class each day. She said that my son just SAT there during class. He did nothing- sort of stared into space. She said that she knew his situation and chose not to pressure him. When I told him what his teacher told me he was in shock. He said that he had no memory of just sitting there. I told him that it made me feel sad. This was a light bulb moment for my son. He realized that he needs his medication, and that he is not the best judge regarding this. He agrees to take it now, and we have adjusted the dose to make him more comfortable. But he still doesn't like it. However, he realizes that he NEEDS to take it, so he does. I'm wondering if your daughter and husband meet with the teacher to hear first-hand about behavior, maybe a light bulb will go on for them too. I hope you find a solution.