We are going on a year of medication treatment with ADHD for my inattentive 10-year-old boy. He started on a low-dose of sertraline, Then we added methylphenidate 10 mg ER and gradually increased it to 20. We eventually weaned him off sertraline and started him in 2 mg of guanfacine. Based on his feedback he is in a fast metabolizer because he tells me it wears off after a few hours in the morning but we saw tremendous benefits in how he could organize his day at school which is a Montessori. His behavior has moved more towards ODD type behaviors, especially when we are all home on the weekends. He gets aggressive with his siblings very argumentative with us about very simple tasks like putting dishes in the dishwasher or if he disagrees with the way something is said he will argue it till the death . He’s also very brave and actually has very good arguments. I tried to follow more of a positive discipline type of parenting and do not try to squash his spirit or creativity but he overstepped boundaries like physical ones or even verbal or emotional ones. I keep trying to do positive parenting and honor him as a person but when he gets physically aggressive with his younger siblings it’s really hard for me not to physically remove him from the situation. In the past he would rage and have huge tantrum‘s and we seem to have moved past a lot of that. I’ve gotten a lot better at staying calm and handling his intense moods but it’s really hard sometimes. I basically feel like he bulldozes everyone’s boundaries in our family and because he’s not manageable there’s really not much I feel like I can do about it. Even if I take away a priviledge he will be very angry for long periods of time and blame me or his father for whatever happens and not take any responsibility. In the past I would wait until he is much calmer and sometimes he does come around but it takes a very long time and the incidences seem to be happening more and more. He was diagnosed by a pediatric nurse practitioner and I just wonder if she missed some things which I guess is possible. His behavior affects his siblings around him too and makes for a very difficult environment at times. He plays baseball and is quite good and listens to his coaches mostly and is good with his teacher in school . He refuses to help with anything around the house (ie: get dressed, General grooming, putting his plates in the dishwasher. etc. he has a really arrogant attitude towards his dad and I am basically just tells us no and that he will not do those things that we ask of him and there’s nothing we can do about it. Sometimes I feel like he needs to go away to a facility until he can learn how to be cooperative it’s really stressful on our family and in our marriage too. He does not exhibit any of these behaviors anywhere but at our home. He pushes my husband and I to our limit and it’s been very stressful on our family and our other three children ages 12, 8, amd 3. I will add that my oldest 12-year-old and my eight-year-old have both been diagnosed with hyperactivity and combined type ADHD but they do not have the executive functioning deficits that my middle has. They are also much more cooperative . He was tested in school and is gifted and labeled 2 E. He’s a deep thinker and seems wise beyond his years for his age. A couple of questions I am thinking of finding someone to do PMT because that is supposed to help with ODD like behaviors and wanted to see anyones recommendations or experience with that. We hired a psychologist that specialized in behavior therapy but he wanted us to do contracts and it turned my husband off and he wanted to stop seeing him. Maybe we need to find someone that’s a better fit personality wise?
I’m trying my best to keep our relationship intact but at this point it’s like I don’t have any clout with him and he is so angry and disengaged from us all the time. His eating has gotten worse and he seems very tired and lethargic all the time. He’s always been a picky eater but now it’s getting more extreme and I have concerns that there could be other things going on that I’m not aware of. One thing that came up is that he could be on the spectrum but my psychiatrist mentioned that to have him properly tested it’s over $3000 out-of-pocket and she could recommend someone. We do not have $3000 to pay at this point for a maybe and we need to put that money towards therapy if we can find a good therapist.
I guess I’d like to know if anyone had suggestions as to what has helped them in a situation like this. My husband and I are seeking a marriage family therapist (for ourselves) and I think family therapy would be beneficial For all of us, and then I also think my son needs one on one therapy too. I’m just feeling overwhelmed as to where to start. We have insurance but it is high deductible and this feels like I want to help our family, but it’s so expensive!
I’d love some insight to more experienced/older parents with multiple kids that can resonate with my journey. I am reading the book scattered minds that someone else recommended on here and it’s very helpful.
I appreciate this community and all you do to help each other out.