We are in a better place

[Lovemygirl]

Have not been here in a while. My daughter is now 13 and we are dealing with ADHD. She continues taking Daytrana patches for focus during school, but we are dealing with ADHD outside of school without any meds. She still has anger outbursts however they are few and far between, she is a severe procrastinator and we are working on this day by day. Socially she has no true friends and is not invited places but that is ok. I have realized that her having ADHD was not the issue....I was the issue. I am in counseling to learn how to maneuver through the issues that may be caused by her ADHD and she is being a beautiful, full of life kid. You see I am realizing that the issues that I was so very concerned about didnt bother her at all and me trying to control her ADHD just added stress to her and made her feel inadequate as a person. I realized one day that for the 10th time that day I had put her down or yelled at her for not cleaning her room. I stopped right there and cried because she was laughing and singing and I was angry, I dried my tears and we sang and danced our way to a clean room our lives changed from that day on. I am doing the therapy now because I realized that I had to learn to raise my daughter the way that her brain works. Its not always easy but we are in such a better place.

[Onthemove1971]

What a post! As a parent ( of a child with ADHD) we always struggle to help our children become the best they can be. Many times I know that our issues are the way we handle our son. We have been on this journey for so long ( he is 12 yr. old and been on medication/theapy) since he was 5 years old.

To be able to stop and change the way we manage things is very hard. Each time we are in therapy I am reminded that he is not a "normal" thinking child so don't compare. It is also very hard to find the right tools to help parents. change the way they deal with things. I often bring up situations and explain how I dealt with it and the outcome. The therapist said this is why he does this and try this next time.

One that comes to mind is trying to get my son to take everything out of my car when we get home. He often jumps out of the car and heads to play basketball. I get so mad because either this stuff just sits in the car, I am carrying his things out. Or I have to fight with him to come back and take the stuff out.

The Therapist explained that he is ( both mentally and physically) already at tat he basketball hoop before the car stops. He has in his mind how he is going to throw the ball and what actions he is going to do. So the therapist explain, prompt him 2 blocks before the house. Then again before he arrives and before he leaves say it again. The bottom line is it worked. I understood why he does what he does and my angry went away. Now I prompt and he pick everything up before he leaves.

Thanks for sharing your journey and it is so great that you guys are experiencing success.

[Lovemygirl in reply to Onthemove1971]

To my family it is a learning process but us making changes has made a world of difference in behavior and her dealing with responsibility.

[cindaroo]

On point! You've allowed the key to success to enter your daily life. ADHD children and their thought processes and behaviors are unique and working with it instead of against it works miracles! Many people find it frustrating because they focus on the "normal" part of life that they long for, but hoping for that will never come. As soon as one realizes how to handle their situation, progress begins and it becomes your new normal. Each child and family is different and finding the right balance is a very personal experience. Once you begin to master your 'new normal'...before you know it, your child's struggles don't seem so monumental anymore. It not only gives you more confidence, but it will be noticed by your child and that in turn will help them as well to gain their confidence in handling their condition. Over time, management for their ADHD will become as easy as managing diet and exercise. I pretty much knew my 2nd son was different when I brought him home from the hospital in '07, but of course I not once thought it would be an ADHD diagnosis in the future. Daycare was horrible throughtout his toddler years, we hired a "shadower" to attend daycare with him for a few months. We attended parent meetings, watched surveillance videos of him in action, tried new strategies, cried, listened to advice, visited with two different psychologists, had evaluations, and eventually took our first dose of 20mg Vyvanse in Kindergarten, September of 2013. It's been a long road and he'll be 12 in November...but with our love and support, a healthy routine and continuity I can know look back and thank my old self for allowing me to change to fit his needs.

Good luck.

Never give up!

[Mamamermaid]

I was the same way. Always yelling and putting my son down because I couldn't understand why he just didn't understand what he had to do for the millionth time. Once we got his diagnosis, I felt an enormous amount of guilt and I knew that it was my husband and I who had to change our behavior. I hugged him and we both cried and I told him that things will be different from now on and I will do everything to help him succeed. We still have your days of frustration but it has been night and day. His attitude changed drastically for the good when we changed our behavior and he seems much less stressed. We are a work in progress, and so is he.

[Hidden]

Thank you for sharing. Good reminder for us to work on ourselves too. There are some podcasts out there that help me with strategies and reminders like this too. One that comes to mind is TILT Parenting: Raising Differently Wired Kids.

[Lovemygirl in reply to Hidden]

I am an old mom and not sure how to go to pod casts. I would love to hear this. Any suggestions

[Hidden in reply to Lovemygirl]

Here is a link for the general website, from which you can read or go to podcast:

tiltparenting.com/start-here/

[Natasha_W]

Wow I feel like this is exactly what I needed to read tonight. I also have a 12 almost 13 year old daughter with ADHD that tends to get me so worked up. This week has been a really rough one for me. I would love to be in a place where I could ask and not have to yell to get any type of response. Can I ask what type of therapist you go to that helps parents of kids with ADHD? I could really use some help on myself!!! Thank you for sharing your post!!!

[Lovemygirl in reply to Natasha_W]

I go to a family therapist that treats children with adhd. She helps me so much to understand the way my daughter thinks.

[Natasha_W in reply to Lovemygirl]

Can I ask what state y’all are based out of?

[Lovemygirl in reply to Natasha_W]

Georgia

[DaisyMomma]

I am seeing this post now 2 years later and am now in the same place you were then… my 12 yr old with ADHD & anxiety had a terrible 6th grade year, lost so many friends and the outbursts at home are constant. I too realize now that my ability to manage and control my own anxiety is a key component to helping her be successful. It just feels like an impossible task to overcome. Thank you for sharing your story. If you have more insight or updates I’d love to hear them!!!

[Petsareoursaviors in reply to DaisyMomma]

Hi! Sounds like we are in EXACTLY the same place. I am also just seeing this post from two years ago. And I also have a 12-year-old who just finished sixth grade. And it was a terrible year. Our kiddo’s best friend dropped him and he doesn’t have any others. Outbursts at home are absolutely constant now. He has become unwilling to cooperate with the simplest things. His diagnoses are ADHD and anxiety as well. I’m certain that our reactions are not helping and there is continual tension and yelling in our household. Figuring out how to manage ourselves and him is proving completely overwhelming. My husband and I just started seeing a therapist together to help with parenting strategies. So far it’s pretty useless. Sure wish we could see the therapist the original author of the post used! It’s exhausting and we’re so anxious about the teenage years ahead. Would give just about anything for some “real” help.