Our 13yr daughter was diagnosed 2yrs ago with ADHD. I feel that she was misdiagnosed but that is another matter. The other day she said that there is a girl in her class that she likes. This class mate is kind, handles herself well. A good student and is straight. Our daughter has friends who are dealing with their sexuality - they call themselves pan sexual, bi sexual etc. I was taken back a bit as I never saw our child having those feelings in that way as we have a very close relationship. I said that I love her and she has our support and kept it a very brief conversation. If feel that she has enough to sort thru having ADHD and now this. I feel lost, angry and now cheated. We are Catholics and have had talking about relationships with man and woman. I am not sure if it is her friends who have influenced her new thinking.
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Wendyloree
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I would not be too worried about these things right now. At this age, kids are beginning to explore their sexuality and they talk about different types of relationships. Your daughter may just feel "safe" with this other girl and feels free to talk about her with you. Make sure your daughter knows you're open to these discussions and try not to be judgmental during these talks.
Thank you so much Seller, it just kind of caught me off guard. With all of the ADHD issues, school, homework battles and dealing with her social interactions I can help with those issues but not this. My hair on my neck stands up and I get worried for her. The one thing I notice when there discussions come up she gets really defensive and combative. It is almost like she has something to prove. It is like her mission to have people accept those of a different lifestyle than the norm.
I know what you mean....my son could turn anything into a battle! It was SO hard to keep my opinions to myself, especially if I knew that he was really off base on something. I might try and find out much she knows about sex and how factual that knowledge is.....just to be on the safe side.
That sound like a good angle - I will toss the ball into her corner. I feel that she is trying to find her peer group and herself. Next month she is seeing a new pediatrician who specializes in adolescence health, adolescent gynecology, eating disorders, ADHD, OCD, as well as LGBT matters. I am looking forward to our appointment. We will have her reassessed and dig further into these delicate issues. Once again thank you so much and glad that I am not alone.
Although very comfortable, it is time for you to have an earnest discussion with your teen. This time of their lives can be very confusing, especially around developing relationships with boys (and girls). Society has made it so acceptable to bond with those of the same sex. If you are against a same-sex relationship, as most Catholics are, perhaps discussing the reasons why avoiding this type relationship isn't ideal (pro-creation, primarily). Therapy may also be helpful in understanding her feelings.
As a parent, we always want what is best for our children. Please do not sit idly by and say nothing. You will regret not providing your daughter with advice on this situation.
Thank you Janice. We we have had conversations expressing our core values as Catholics the expectations to our daughter. We have traditions as most Catholics follow and we expect for her to understand, follow and comply. The values of honesty, faith and pro-creation is the main one. I get so angry and hurt inside. When she was younger attending Mass was not so bad as we would spend most of the service outside in the lobby. Having ADHA the noise and crowds would upset her. She received the Sacrament of First Holy Communion without issues and was able to attend and participate fully in class with the other children. Yes I agree, society has made it so acceptable and almost trendy and even glamorous to bond with those of the same sex. My husband and I are tired of seeing it on television and have expressed it to our daughter. We are careful of our tone however she now has become combative. As mentioned, next month she is seeing a new pediatrician who specializes in adolescence health, adolescent gynecology, eating disorders, ADHD, OCD, as well as LGBT matters so we will be addressing those issues further. In the meantime we reaffirm our core values to our daughter and tell her how much we love her. Thank you once again from Wendy
Wendy, your battle is tough. Don't give up. Continue to praise her for the good things and pray for acceptance of whatever she chooses to do with her life. You are not alone in your battle.
I would suggest checking out Fr. Mike Schmitz on YouTube. He is fabulous at taking these issues and explaining them to teens. His own brother has same sex attraction, but is a faithful, chaste Catholic, as Fr. Mike is a faithful chaste priest, as many Catholic couples are faithful and follow the less convenient than the pill, but much more bonding guidelines of NFP. He speaks often at the Steubenville conferences. There's several videos he's done on the topic and has written a book. Here's one I watched just yesterday, but there are probably shorter versions on the YouTube channel, Ascension Presents. m.youtube.com/watch?v=fWZ17...
Catholics don't believe love is confined by how we feel. Don't let these mislead teenagers define your child. You can do it! I'll pray for you!
Thank you so very much AMT2017 for the valuable information and words of encouragement. My husband and I will watch the video first and if it is suitable will share it with our daughter! My daughter and I prayed together last night and she felt really good and settled. I felt at ease also. Thank you again!
I am Catholic too. But my pastor stresses that we should accept people who they are and not judge.
Teens are trying to break away from their parents and become their own person. The more you object to that lifestyle the more attractive it may become to her.
My daughter had a lot of problems with alcohol and promiscuity when she was in her late teens and early twenties. I never condemned her and was always open to hearing her out. She straightened herself out and is now a college graduate with a good job.
I don’t see a connection between ADHD and sexuality. But if you’re saying that it’s just another stressor for your daughter, I totally understand.
Above all, love and support her. If you try to cure her, shame her, or punish her for her feelings, you will lose her.
It sounds like the two of you have a close relationship. It’s hard with a “neurotypical” teen to keep a good relationship. ADHD provides another layer of stress. Kudos to you for making her feel safe to come to you.
Thank you for your reply Mama-Maehem. Yes I do agree having the ADHA and not dealing with conflicts with her identity only add to her stress. We reaffirm her that she is loved and we support her. Thank you for your words of encouragement.
i think your doing GREAT wendyloree!!! as you said, just dealing with an ADHD child and all the additonal ups and downs they have to deal with is already stressful enough. sounds like you are very open with her and she is also with you. that is half the battle!! they are trying to figure allot out right now. my son is 12 and half and the things i hear out of his mouth sometimes are quite eye opening. and i am not a conservative person at all but just surprising how much they pick up on so quickly. and we talk allll the time. i'm a VERY open mom. my husband is the one that gets embarrassed to talk about the "sex" subject LOL. but sounds like you are covering all your bases!! my son has also had females come to him and tell him about them thinking they were gay. i do think they are confused about having the option at their age. back in my younger years, that wasnt an option. it was a fight for those that thought they were but didn't have anyone to talk too. and being that i have a few same sex couples a VERY close friends, i have heard the stories of how hard it has been on them to come to the reality of their true sexuality.
hang in there and keep up the good work!! and we're here when your ready to talk/vent :)
This is my 14 year old daughter to a T. She has ADHD, ODD, anxiety, and depression. She identifies as bi-sexual, but clearly prefers girls. She really struggles with everything. Her emotions are a complete roller coaster. She has very few friends as she is easily manipulated and naive, but is slowly learning lessons. We are also Catholic, but she says she is an atheist. She works hard at going against the grain in every way. She would have blue hair, tattoos, and piercings already if we let her. She definitely has a rebellious side to her, which has a lot to do with her ODD. We just take it day by day. She sees a therapist and we just hired a life coach to help with her executive function. I've decided to let her just be her and not set too high of expectations. She doesn't want to go to college at all and sees herself doing makeup or something. Hey...as long as she's happy and able to support herself one day it's all good! For us accepting our new normal and all of her mental health issues along with sexual identity has made us much closer. It's not an easy road and it's not for the weak. Your daughter is lucky to have your support
Mamab3-- you are fabulous!!!! as you said, VERY hard to accept when they go in a different direction than what we have planned for them. but she is sooo very lucky to have you guys there for her. you should pat yourself on the back!!!! many parents aren't that open minded. and many wouldnt understand!
Thanks so much for that! I never know if what we are doing is the right thing. I just trust my gut most of the time. I don't have a big support system at all. It's just me and my husband. No one knows what we go through not even our closest friends or family. That is our way of protecting her privacy as with all of the negative judgements people will have. I do however see a therapist who helps guide me in decisions and just to vent
Thank you Mamab3 for sharing your story. Yes it is the new normal and these are trying times. Trying times for all of us especially our children. Wish you much success with your daughter. Since your daughter does not want to go to college, encourage her to make it to graduation that would be great. At least she will have her high school diploma which will help in her chosen profession. I agree, as long as she is happy and can support herself then you all will be fine. Thank you Mamab3 for your kind works.
It's difficult because her father and myself both have college degrees. We encourage college and always have with all of our children. With her if we make to high school graduation I would be very thankful. I know the next 4 years are going to be rough, but I try not to look too far in the future or it makes my head spin. Take Care
I am like you Mamab3 I am a university graduate in Biology and have a minor in Chemistry. We speak about passion and when you find something that you are passionate about that is the ticket! Not everyone is college material but finding a career path that bring joy then the battle is won. I always remind myself (and my husband too) that we are our daughter's biggest advocate and that we have her back no matter what. All the best and we all travel down this disability road together.
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but just surprising how much they pick up on so quickly. and we talk allll the time. i'm a VERY open mom. my husband is the one that gets embarrassed to talk about the "sex" subject LOL. but sounds like you are covering all your bases!! my son has also had females come to him and tell him about them thinking they were gay. i do think they are confused about having the option at their age. back in my younger years, that wasnt an option. it was a fight for those that thought they were but didn't have anyone to talk too. and being that i have a few same sex couples a VERY close friends, i have heard the stories of how hard it has been on them to come to the reality of their true sexuality. 
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