artistmomMe25 days ago

hi!

I have a 14 yo with a 504 plan. Her inattentive ADHD and the intense homework/school demands have brought on severe depression. We experience many mornings when she is unable to rally and get up and go to school. We are in very close contact with her school (teachers and counselors) and they are, fortunately, understanding of her situation and are pretty supportive. Her absences are considered "medical."

I suggest reaching out to the school and being honest and possibly consider a 504. Good luck! It isn't easy..

Bootsie1 in reply to artistmomMe25 days ago

thank you for your reply. I'm in a back-and-forth at this point with her high school. They flat-out denied any support or flexibility in regard to attendance. I am awaiting approval for her to receive a 504 that includes additional state testing time. I’ll likely end up having to file an appeal.

I absolutely love the idea of having the absences considered medical, as they should be! I will definitely add that to the argument.

Reply (1)Report

artistmomMe in reply to Bootsie125 days ago

I'm assuming she's been tested formally for ADHD? When we met with the school for the 504 they had the report in hand and also present was our daughter's therapist and EF coach. It was amazing and touching how many of her teachers reached out to us sharing their own experiences with major depression.

We are currently trying to manage the depression with therapy and medication. It's been challenging with lots of failed med trials.

Reply (1)Report

Peerandparent25 days ago

First, try to make sure her sleep isn't being disrupted by medication or medical issues.

Her attendance can absolutely be considered reasonable accommodation, as long as she's not disruptive when arriving late. If it's anxiety related, work to have her homework quantity adjusted so she can still demonstrate her knowledge without it overwhelming her. Quality over quantity. Also explore other ways she can demonstrate and practice her knowledge (e.g. having her tutor someone who is struggling)

While you continue to advocate for the school to take ADHD seriously, make sure you review sleep hygiene with your daughter. You could tie the strictness of her sleep hygiene to her ability to get moving in the morning. My adherence to the list below ebbs and flows based on how I'm sleeping.

Alarms in the morning are useless to me if I haven't slept properly. Instead, I:

1) have alarms in the evening to remind me to prepare for the next day, to start my evening routine, and for lights out.

2) make sure I have a set routine when getting ready for bed (helps tell the unconscious mind that it's time to think about sleep). I do the same things in the same order every time if I can help it.

3) no staying up late on the weekends (our bodies are built to operate on the same sleep schedule every day, and one late night can disrupt sleep for days)

4) no screens in the bedroom. Usually I only resort to this if I'm really not sleeping; often a little watching something in bed is the only quality time my wife and I get in the day (we have two kids)

5) no clocks in line of sight from bed.

I could go on, but there are plenty of resources out there for sleep hygiene. In my experience points 1-3 have the biggest influence on my sleep quality.

Your daughter is 15, which means she'll likely not see the value in going to sleep at a set time. It's also probably the most important thing she can do to show she's taking personal responsibility for her education.

Just keep in mind that getting to bed at the same time doesn't necessarily mean getting to bed early. 7-9hrs is ideal, but 7-9 varied hours is worse than 5-6 consistent hours, both from personal experience and from the research I've read.

As much as possible, problem solve this with her. The more involved she is in problem solving this, the more likely she'll follow through on the plan, and the better she'll feel about it, since she's making herself accountable and actively solving the problem rather than being pulled in its wake.

Bootsie1 in reply to Peerandparent24 days ago

Thank you for this thoughtful reply.

So much here I plan to apply!!

Reply (0)Report

Fish1fish24 days ago

Yes, my daughter is 9 and we have that accommodation. I haven't heard anything negative about her showing up late as she does not appear to be disruptive when she joins the class.

NYCmom224 days ago

Lots of good advice above. Speaking from personal experience I missed the same (or more) number of days of high school in my later teens 16/17 due to ADHD. I was able to graduate and attended college immediately after high school.

Even if the administration doesn’t accommodate outright they will typically not stop her from graduating. But read the handbook as they may be able to bar her from receiving awards and certain credits due to absences.

The occasional and debilitating morning fatigue is real with ADHD and made worse at certain times of the month when hormones are shifting.

A tight nighttime routine and sleep schedule helps tremendously. A few consecutive nights of bad sleep can trigger these bad mornings. Melatonin or a sleep aid is helpful when there have been a string of poor sleep nights.

You might find that on some of these tough mornings there is a trigger that might successfully help her wake up and be alert. Favorite music, favorite food cooking smell, low lighting and a cozy blanket on the couch near the kitchen to coax her out of bed and jump start the brain. Letting my son be DJ and pick music in the morning can often help him go from near comatose to fully awake.

Bootsie1 in reply to NYCmom224 days ago

Excellent, thank you!

Reply (1)Report

NYCmom2 in reply to Bootsie123 days ago

Having said all that, you may also want to check and restrict her phone and Internet usage at night.

Poor sleep makes it harder to resist scrolling apps and Internet which leads to a vicious cycle of more poor sleep.

Reply (1)Report

Bootsie1 in reply to NYCmom223 days ago

Oh yes! The phone is charging in my room each night at 10 pm.

She’s not a fan of that family rule however it is a must!!

Thank you

Reply (1)Report