Will it ever get better? Am I making the right decisions for my beautiful child? Drained mommy!

[GiaMalone]

Don't know where to start....I just want input on what is "normal" and expected, what to be concerned about and what to let go.

My daughter, ADHD, 7, can be draining with the constant talking, moving, starting many things at once, her moodiness, the roller coaster of emotions, name calling, etc..My younger son is being affected negatively. He copies whatever she does. She can be the sweetest, most loving child and then switch to defiant and disrespectful, THEN, metdown mode..crying. It usually happens at the same time every day. ..meds wearing off. I try to keep everything in perspective and TRY not to take things personal but it can be draining.

I know there is no cookie cutter treatment and a lot of trial and error and no magic pill, etc..but i still feel like I am not doing enough or maybe missing something.

Every single day, I make it my mission to be patient, positive, loving and some days end up losing it...and end up feeling terrible..

Guilt list /Things in question

1. She watches a lot of videos on her IPad,..a lot! I try to keep her busy with other stuff..but she gets bored so easily and wants it. I have another child.to take care of and dont want her to have a meltdown over it. She has excellent grades in school and behavior is also great. We cannot afford any extra activities.

2. Losing my patience..usually at the end of the day..being

3. Not being able to afford activities that she want to do..gymnastics etc...

So much more but dont want this to be too long What else can I do for her to be her best?

[Grandma01]

I don't know your location l, but check into a lical recreation center where activities are discounted and cheaper especially for therapeutic recreation. Local libraries has programs and activities free. Search cheap and free and or discounted activities to local museums and attractions around your town.

Tell her can afford the others but you can do this instead.

I have little money so I take him to these things and for extra good measure when I have my thinking cap on I would take him to ride the the local light rail train since that was his #1 obsession. Boom look we're out the house, having some fun with something that he enjoys and if I had some extra money I would buy what he calls lunch. At the very least try the lical skating rink. Or buy some skates skate outside on the sidewalk or go bike riding.

If they're like my grandson they'll want to again to the point if exhaustion for you.

[GiaMalone in reply to Grandma01]

Thanks for the advice! I will check into it☺

[Leahhess in reply to GiaMalone]

This sounds like our life as Well! Except no diagnosis, younger sibling. Not diagnosed yet cause school doesn't take it seriously because her grades are great. Also just about everyone I talk to says just be consistent and things will get better. So we have tried that because we don't want to be lazy parents so to speak. Not working...so today I'm getting an appt with someone to start an assessment process.

Any suggestions on natural supplements out there?

[GiaMalone in reply to Leahhess]

Good luck to you. We give mine a multi vitamin. Fish oil.but stopped for a while. I watched Dr. Russel Barkley, you tube..he is brilliant.he has a take on supplements.

[MamaMasonry in reply to Grandma01]

I hear your struggle. We have combined Vyvanse with a non-stimulant Guanfacine. That has helped.

[Adam081911]

Have you checked on charitable organizations that provide financial assistant for kids? We live in Canada so I don't have information for the U.S., but my son is taking martial art class using that funding.

If you have a backyard, you can consider getting trampolines? It's an endless activity for any kids.

[GiaMalone in reply to Adam081911]

Thanks, i will definitely look into it!

[rollercoaster22]

Honestly, don't feel guilty about letting them play on the ipad. Sometimes we all just need a break, both the kid and the parent. Most of us do it. Just make sure to put in an effort to play a game of cards, or play in the park every now and then too. Balance is ok - let them play on their computer every day for an hour or two, but then also read and play with them for an hour or so. We are all only human, and even us adults need a break.

[GiaMalone in reply to rollercoaster22]

Exactly, a breather every once in a while!☺

[paulak5]

Hi are u in reciept of dla for her? That should help pay for extra bits for her. My girl 16 now . It doesnt get any easier i guess we learn to cope with it but it is very draining and without a supportive enviroment around you its even harder ! I know family not been great but my daughters school has been amazing with her... getting the school on your side will make so much difference with camhs/extra support and managing your child in a school enviroment. Good luck . X

[GiaMalone in reply to paulak5]

Thank you! Good luck to you as well☺

[Chris_Craig]

Do you have a Boys and Girls Club near you? bgca.org The yearly membership at ours is $20 and they have free programs plus ones at very reduced rates. They also provide financial assistance.

[beemom]

I find I set limits on the daily tablet time for both him and myself. With high-needs kids, it's easy for an hour on the ipad to turn into 2- it can be such a relief to have them cheerfully occupied that time flies by. Set an alarm on your phone. It's not that screen time contributes to ADHD (kids w/ ADHD tend to like screens because they fully engross them), it's more that in that window she's not getting any human interaction which they need so they can grow to understand how to regulate themselves around people, plus I find my son is more wound up after extended tablet time.

I second the idea of the local rec center as a source for cheaper activities. Maybe they'll have a monthly membership that gives you access to try multiple things without a huge financial commitment in case it's not a great fit for her. Our rec offers tons of classes for kids that aren't free but aren't crazy either.

As for keeping your patience- it's so hard, I know! Something that sometimes works for me- when you know a time is coming (like the end of the day) that usually results in losing your cool, set yourself up for peace. Go to a room alone (even if it's the bathroom), and take a few deep breaths. Tell yourself you are a good mom, and you're trying your best. Splash a little water on your face. Center yourself. It's like going into battle, I know. But take a moment to remember your own identity so that you don't forget your role in the heat of the moment. It only takes less than a minute but I find just removing myself from the chaos for just that moment reminds me that it's really no big deal and I'm able to remain calm.

Good luck- you are not alone!!

[GiaMalone in reply to beemom]

Thanks! Ha, I like the going into battle analogy because it certainly feels like it! I appreciate your suggestions☺

[Klau07]

Hello! You are not the only one going through this. My son was your daughter. I took away the IPad because that influenced him A LOT . So if I was you take away IPad. He was diagnosed with ODd is very common in ADHD kids . Therapy has helped him a lot, and at home with do things differently. We use to put him in time out not anymore because he is doing so good . So I suggest to not spank much, that doesn’t help ODD, that makes it worst. Instead, make rules, sit down with her and talk over things. Don’t feel bad by not been able to afford extra activities, but I suggest to spend more time with her and your son by playing board games. I did that with mine and it works. The meltdown and all that is the pill. They told me that when I started my son on Adderall . If you have any more questions let me know

[GiaMalone in reply to Klau07]

Thank you! I really appreciate it🌼

[11202010]

Hi I'm new to this ADHD and I don't have any good advice I'm still trying to figure it out myself but I know what you are going through my doctor suggested maybe point out the things they do when they are on their meds versus when they are not and it seems to have helped that my son knows he isn't the only one at his school that takes meds for ADHD .

[GiaMalone in reply to 11202010]

Thank you!

[Mmagusin]

Sounds like my ten year old boy. I'm convinced electronics are very addictive for ADHD children. They crave stimulation and 'micro' rewards that trigger the right chemical reactions to calm their racing mind. Video games and YouTube clips meet this craving, thus you get a satisfied kid for the moment. Hell breaks loose when you must end that for the evening. Ever go to a modern arcade? It's a 'kitty casino' that's like heroin to these kids. Anyway, I know it's tough to limit it but you should for three reasons. First, I've heard it can damage brain development if they're on it too long, 2nd, its unhealthy physically as kids need excercise too, 3rd, since it's the most coveted privilege, you'll want to use that as a carrot or stick in modifying defiant behavior. We try to limit to one hour per day free, then my son must 'buy' more time but only up to two hours if he's earned enough points to use. We also punish for defiant or disrespectful behaviors by taking this away. Sometimes I block certain favorites and for worse behavior he can lose it for days until he can earn it back. It's also better to find some other more socially and physically interactive things to do that may burn time. It's tough I know. Good luck!

[GiaMalone in reply to Mmagusin]

Thank you! I removed a lot from her I pad last night and added a few apps that are beneficial..the timer one and a few math apps..i appreciate your advice! So far she likes it😊

[Leahhess in reply to Mmagusin]

My daughter's school and doctor were not that concerned about her because she's able to concentrate on TV and her grades are great. Very frustrating!! Thank you!!

[GiaMalone in reply to Leahhess]

I can imagine. Yes, it is frustrating. Good luck! ☺

[Sunshine4zoe]

Hi

You nailed it. I struggle with the very same thing. My daughter is 7. She is currently taking QuilliChew every morning. Her teacher told me she gets hyped up in the afternoons. When I pick her up it’s just like you described your daughter. She goes to kumon on Tuesday’s and Thursday’s every week and then has the same work the other days as well. It’s reading and math to get her advanced and to help. She also does gymnastics on Tuesday at 4. It’s a struggle at gymnastics. Her doctor told me that the QuilliChew doesn’t always last as long. I’m able to give half of another chewable in the afternoon and it has helped extremely. She was taking quillivant XR and they had stopped making it. It is currently back on the market. I actually pick that medication up on Friday. It worked a lot better and lasted longer. These medications aren’t covered by insurance and are expensive. When we first started it I was freaked out. She wouldn’t eat much or drink and she was super calm. It takes time for your body to adjust to the medicine. I had a direct line to her pediatrician and asked all kinds of questions as things would change with her. It has worked the best for us. I get real down and cry a lot bc I can’t imagine how she feels inside. It’s hard not having all the answers. When I set back and think about it I get upset. I get angry and frustrated with her because I don’t know how to deal with it. It’s hard to see my baby with ADHD. I give her melatonin at night 10mg. If she doesn’t get it she doesn’t sleep. She doesn’t stay asleep all night. Sometimes she wakes up and can’t go back to sleep. I’ve had to keep her home a couple of times bc of it. It’s been a struggle. This was going on way before the ADHD medication. What sucks is finding the right medication that works best for them. She may even have to go to medication in the mornings and afternoons. Still trying to figure it all out. I let her have the iPad for an hour after school when all her work is done. If I give it to her before it’s just caious trying to get her to do it. This way she plays with her toys. We go outside and ride bikes and enjoy the weather if it’s nice. I’m trying to get her away from the electronics all the time. It’s the worst thing I ever did. It just helped before we realized she was ADHD. Thank you for your post it really helps to know that I’m not alone. Hope everything gets better with you and your precious girl.

[GiaMalone in reply to Sunshine4zoe]

Awww, thank you! You are absolutely not alone. I appreciate the message. One day at a time🙏 Good luck, hugs!☺

[MamaMasonry]

We had some of those issues. Continuing with therapy and adding a non-stimulant medication helped out a lot. Also, making sure our son (8 yrs) has plenty of exercise. It's not easy to balance everything.