We have a very active 2.5 year old, he’s always been active, curious, and busy. Walking at 10 months, climbing and running by 12 months. He has very little frustration tolerance and has massive tantrums, used to bang his head but has grown out of this. A clear inability to sit still, he doesn’t like to watch TV or anything, which we don’t really watch so it was a plus for us. We attempt to set clear boundaries but it’s tough. He’s never slept well, we’ve met with sleep consultants and . friends (who are parents) have tried to put him to sleep and it’s almost comical at this point. 3-4 hours of sleep and ready to party. His old pediatrician made an off handed comment about adhd one time but said it’s too early.
My husband and I are exhausted but powering through with the thought it’s typical 2 year old behavior and he’ll grow out of it…. Well, our insurance changed and we saw his new pediatrician who observed him for 30 minutes and said “this is a problem, he’s going to have a really hard time in school, we should get interventions in place now.” He referred him for an assessment and my heart sank. He mentioned ADHD, the spectrum, or both.
I’m not diagnosed with anything but anxiety but had a horrible time in school, having to leave multiple schools due to behaviors. My mom mentioned she would never allow “medications or labels,” they very much practiced children led parenting which basically meant feral kids (amazing we all turned out well). She said numerous teachers or doctors would make comments and it’s best to ignore them. This is definitely not my style and I hate the thought of our little one having a hard time. He’s a smart, smart kid. Talking in full sentences, saying the ABCs, counting to 20. He makes eye contact, has two best friends he loves playing with, and wants to play / cuddle with us. The pediatrician said to start a gluten free diet and they’re going to try for an assessment asap. Any advice? How do I help my son while also staying sane. The thought of him not growing out of this is really hard for my husband and I.
Thanks!
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Cait2023
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There are so many amazing parents in this forum that are going through or have gone through similar circumstances—so glad you are here! This is such a tough time filled with so many unknowns, it is easy to start worrying. When that happens, remind yourself that your little guy is the same exact little guy he was before and after any evaluation or ‘label’. A label, if one is ever applied, is just a (word) key to unlocking new ideas, therapies, insurance funding and educational rights all of which are there to support your child be the best they can be. Your child is the same. Twice exceptional kids (gifted plus neurodivergent) are amazing (I’ve got one) and are out there rocking this world as we speak. Yours will too—label or no label. Welcome again!
Thank you, it's been a really rough day, behavior wise and just uncertainty about what's happening and how we help him. I appreciate your response and welcome!
I think it's great your pediatrician is pushing for an evaluation. Ours said "don't worry about it, he's just a boy with a lot of energy, who just had a new little sister..." So we didn't evaluate him until he was four and had been kicked out of two preschools. It was a rough time, so I feel for you. But you are getting started early so that's a great thing. ADHD (if it really is what it is) is highly treatable. With medication, OT (occupational therapy), and some parenting changes, our little guy is now thriving.
Might he just be extremely intelligent? If so, can you try and get him reading as soon as possible. Our son began reading at 3 , didn’t need much sleep. He used to wake me up at 3 in the morning every night ready for action. I got him learning words from 3 then at 6 he was playing scrabble on a board, 7 he was beating me and he went on to win scrabble tournaments against adults. Once he was reading and playing scrabble he entertained himself if he was awake. I taught him to add at 3 and bought him the books from the $2 store with maths problems and he would sit and do them for ages. And also code cracker books and word find puzzles.
He started walking at 9 months, was pretty clumsy so did climb and fall off things a lot and hurt himself.
Now he is 18 and a lovely placid well adjusted teen.
I would however try to keep him on a very strict diet of healthy food with no additives or junk foods just in case it is agrgrevating things.
thank you so much! We’re modifying his diet and i’ll try to incorporate some of this! He loves reading and has memorized some of his books so I could see how this could work. Thanks for the reply, ideas, and hope!
great, I hope it goes well. In any case starting any child on a very strictly healthy diet limiting sugar too will stand them well for life whether they have have other issues or not, and it’s good for the whole family too.
And also be grateful that being this generation growing up if he is adhd or even autistic there is a growing awareness of diversity and how having a different type of brain is common and has its advantages so there isn’t the same stigma as a generation ago. 🙂
This is going to be long but I hope it helps. I will echo on parent’s question on the replies. Might he be “gifted” bored with the world around him because he has discovered it all already. We had the same problem with our youngest, she turned 7 on Saturday. By age 3 we were asked to leave 3 different daycares due to aggressive and endangering herself behaviors.
This is when I started pushing her pediatrician to refer us for specialists and “labels”. Bear with me why I explain. As a young child I struggled with inattention and in school with grades, if I wasn’t interested in the subject it didn’t stick. I didn’t have any problems making friends or anything but was told I had “anxiety” towards school work. The Dr’s gave my parents some BS routine, etc. the results, still struggled through school and didn’t finish college.
Fast forward a gazillion years, I have a career I love but always wanted that elusive degree. Working for a company that covered tuition made it possible. Once again struggling with school work, had to drop a class, etc. I went get myself tested by a psychologist. When I went for the appointment for him to give me the results he point blank told me that he didn’t know how I made it through high school or my career without quitting, self medicating or worse. I had inattentive ADHD so bad that I was a wonder to him. So I told him straight. I made it through by drinking so much Mountain Dew, over a 6pk a day, because it was the only thing that allowed me to pay attention. When I got pregnant for my oldest daughter and I weened myself off caffeine, things went downhill from there. Turns out caffeine was my natural ADHD medicine.
That was 2 years ago, I will be 50 in a few weeks. I have tried not to be upset with my parents for not getting me the medicine or services that I needed when I was younger to not have struggled. But the more I learn about it the more I realize that it is hereditary and my mom has it. But my dad doesn’t have it. He actually has a photographic memory. My mom had the same struggles I did in school and then college. This is why my mom has an incredible work ethic but also why she almost works herself to death to please others. I also have that. Therapy is helping though. I told my mom about it and had her go take a look at some of the research and she cried. Knowing that there is a reason that you do what you do definitely makes you feel better but also mad because at least if she would have known, even later in life she would have insured that I got help and not just called lazy or a space case. At this point I suspect I have autism too.
Fast forward to today and I have pushed for labels for my daughter. Why?? Simple, labels get services. Without a formal “label” there is no therapy, no counseling, no IEP in school while she learns coping skills and strategies. Because your child is so young I would start with finding out if there is anything in your area like Early Steps. Here where I live this is a state agency that evaluates under 3 children for behavioral or learning issues and helps figure out the proper services needed to help then get and stay on the right path. Early intervention is key. After 3 years old our local school board took over from Early steps, this allowed us to go into the school system with services in place. Although at school they have found what we always knew, she is “gifted”. This seems to be a label that people don’t mind.
So if you got this far, please don’t ignore it for fear of labels, the labels don’t define who we are, just how we get to where we should be.
P.S. After a diagnosis and proper medication and services I got that elusive degree last December!
I take duloxetine and Vyvanse. And also have a low dose of adderall to take when I have a long test. My daughter uses, guafacine, respiradal and Vyvanse.
Thank you so much for your detailed reply, your mom sounds like my dad. He struggled in school, barely finished high school, didn’t go to college but has started his own company and manages a team of engineers. Growing up, he basically worked two full time jobs starting his company and slept about 5 hours a night, still having energy to spend with his kids. He’s in his 60s and still works and is one of the most energetic people I know.… at the same time, he drinks massive amounts of caffeine.
I personally don’t mind labels, I can see how they’ll help get him services. I think I went numb because my childhood was so hard, I really struggled and I don’t want that for my son. I need to constantly remind myself, “I’m not my mother, I will advocate and help him.” My mom voiced her disagreement with getting him tested but at this point, he comes first and I’m in my 30’s, I don’t need her permission, hahahaha.
I may get myself tested as well, it would be nice to have some answers. I’ve done okay for myself, graduated and work as a social worker. But I would love to return to school for accounting, I’ve always loved that subject but can’t get through a course. We shall see.
Thank you again for the long reply, I already feel better knowing I’m not alone and there’s hope out there ❤️
I could have written this about my boy. He’s now 6 and was diagnosed at 5 with ADHD - hyperactive/impulsive. He had been asked to leave a preschool at 4 and it was awful. But that’s where his ADHD journey began.
My son was greatly helped by having behavior therapy, a positive and supportive preschool experience (at a different school), and ultimately a diagnosis and now on medication. We were also very apprehensive to put him on medication but it became evident when he started 1st grade that he just couldn’t get through the day and was starting to feel insecure and anxious over why he couldn’t start or even finish school work like the rest of his classmates. Medication has been a game changer for him in the classroom and he’s happy and confident. We’re also fortunate that he’s at a wonderful elementary school and on a 504 plan.
As for labels.. My husband’s parents are totally against labeling children with ADHD. They also overlooked his own ADHD as a child and my husband had a very difficult time growing up. He was described by them as not applying himself, not being able to sit still and focus, etc. He went on to struggle with addiction from depression over being the one that barely graduated high school in his family and having a hard time socially throughout childhood. We made sure to trust our gut and ignore them and get our son the help we could see he needed and my husband is also finally getting the help he needs for his own ADHD diagnosis.
If I can offer anything, it’s to say - please do not fear any of this or “labels.” He may or may not have it.. time will tell. I was definitely worried and wish I had known about this group back then, but I didn’t have the information at that time. Having the knowledge would’ve saved us a lot of grief when he got kicked out of his first school.. we didn’t see at the time how that school was not the right fit for him.. not the other way around. Your son sounds quite gifted.. a label changes nothing. It could be the key to help him reach his full potential if he does have it. Feel free to reach out anytime
I think the biggest benefit of receiving my son's diagnosis was realizing that so many resources, like CHADD and ADDitude, were there for us. Before that we had no idea what was going on with our son. What you do with your son's assessment is completely up to you and your husband.
As a nutritionist, I've not gone the medication route and we've had, just recently, a huge improvement in my son's temperament (He's 9; diagnosed with severe combined type ADHD and borderline ODD). Kids with ADHD and related disorders often have well documented deficiencies in nutrients like magnesium, zinc and Omega-3s. Omega-3s are particularly important - they improve focus and brain processing in all kids, not just nuerodivergent ones. Children with ADHD also often have gut microbiota imbalances like overgrowth of Candida yeast.
I used the book Finally Focused by Dr. James Greenblatt as my guide and we also found an Integrative Pediatrian to help order tests for gut imbalances and food sensitivies. You can also search for a "functional medicine" doctor. Many of them do telehealth appointments so you don't have to live near where they practice. While medication does play an important role for a lot of kids, there's a lot you can do to optimize your son's health without meds.
It sounds like your son is wonderfully bright and his energy and curiosity will serve him well as he grows up!
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