New to this

[RunningToSmile]

For the longest time we just went with the philosophy of “ he is just a boy being a boy” but between meetings with the school, Vanderbilts, and his pediatrician our son was recently diagnosed with ADHD. I am really struggling to figure out how to help him. We have cut out all red dye 40, we have increased exercise, but still struggle with his anger outbursts. We practice calming techniques ( which only seem to make him more mad) We are not ready to medicate him. He is only seven, and we feel that medicating him won’t help him learn to control it on his own.. Does anyone have any words of wisdom or techniques they use for ADHD and anger ?

[arrh121]

We have a seven year old and have gone through similar. Parent child interaction therapy (PCIT) was helpful to teach us better strategies. We also looked at diet and other options which did not make a difference, though we do use a small fish oil supplement.

But ultimately what made the difference for us was medication. Stimulants did not work for us and we don't really like them in general (but would use them if necessary).

Instead our doctor recommended Guanfacine ER and Atomoxetine, which are much more subtle in our case and seem to give him a little more time to rethink when he's about to have an outburst.

After three challenging years (he was diagnosed at 4), he is finding his stride and is now thriving at school and doing better at home though still with challenging times. Though they last more like 15-30 minutes rather than the multihour outbursts we used to have. Good luck in your situation, it is hard.

[Dadof2ADHD]

My wife and I went through the same thing. Our daughter was diagnosed with ADHD and ASD. We were very hesitant to medicate but when she started failing 2nd grade, we decided to try it. By the end of 3rd grade, she was excelling, and started the gifted program at her school. She is now 13 and still doing great but it took awhile to find the right meds. Our son who was also diagnosed with ADHD is now 10 and has been on medication for several years struggles with the mood swings now. We usually see it early morning and late evening when the meds have worn off. So meds aren't the end all fix all but he is struggles so hard to focus and get anything done without them. We are doing our best to get educated through CHADD, ADDitude podcast and finding a good psychiatrist to help with behavior management and his medications. If you haven't already, I would try to get into some therapy or find a psychiatrist. I continue to be humbled by what I learn. Both our kids have been so different and as they grow, so much changes and new challenges arise. Hang in there! And if you choose to medicate don't beat yourself up. It's a hard choice when the kids are so young but often necessary.

[LF2023]

I know medication can be scary, but there are non stimulant options out there- It's better to medicate a child that truly needs it then to not give the tools they need to succeed.

I finally decided to try a non stimulant for emotional regulation and some serious aggression. I was doing all the things, giving only organic, no red dyes, multi vitamins, calming corner, stress balls breathing exercises- When she was that escalated there is no getting through to her. Even in a calm moment and trying to circle back to talk about it got her upset all over again. I would do a little research on non stimulants- unfortunately there isn't any supplements or vitamins that will give you the same results. Medication is not going to avoid him having to learn how to cope on his own, it will allow him to regulate impulse control and learn to make calmer decisions. I think explore the idea a little more, do some research and if you feel comfortable give it a try. It took me a while to decide, but once I did I can see how much happy she is and I can see she feels proud of herself. Just the other day I could hear her telling herself in her room "Don't throw it, don't throw" She typically throws everything in her room when she's upset, but for the first time I saw her coaching herself to refrain. I know that is not the answer you are looking for, I wish you guys all the best on your journey!

[Adhdmomof2]

I also thought my son was just being a boy and I think on some level hoped he’d just grow out of it. He’s had issues with anger outbursts for a long time but was just diagnosed officially a few months ago at 9. I have tried several calming techniques, meditation, yoga, and workbooks that are supposed to help with anxiety and executive function skills but like your son, they seem to just irritate my son more. He started working with a behavioral therapist and he loves him so that has helped. I think hearing these things from someone other than a parent helps. We did also ultimately decide to try medication and have had some success but it’s definitely a personal choice. I just finished the book “ADHD 2.0” which has a lot of non-medication treatment option too. I hope this helps!

[anirush]

We made the decision to start medication when he kept getting into trouble at school and it was affecting his self esteem. He was only 6 and is now almost 17.The strides he has made in controlling his behavior with medication haven't been without stumbles but so worth it

He also sees a counselor

[BLC89]

Hello RunningToSmileADHD is a brain chemistry and developmental issue, you can't learn to control that in your own. If medications are not your thing then really up the exercise 5 - 6 times per week, high cardio + strength training, eat as healthy as possible and learn all you can about ADHD. It isn't a matter of will power, your son literally doesn't have the same brain chemistry or prefrontal cortex of his peers.

I liken it to poor eyesight, you wouldn't hesitate to get your child glasses. Medication can be even more life changing than glasses.

Many medications have been around for decades and are super safe. They have been shown to be neuro-protective meaning they literally protect your neurons and allow them to create new habits, like learning to focus or control emotions. Medication, or tons of exercise are the absolute best route to give you child the tools they need to learn the skills to deal with the symptoms of ADHD.

BLC89

full disclosure: I am an ADHD coach and CCSP certified. I have also been married to ADHD for nearly 30 years and raised two kids with ADHD.

[Hidden]

You could do ‘immediate rewards system’ as your behavioural strategy. For kids with ADHD it has to be pretty immediate - they can’t wait. Not at this young age anyway!

So let’s say my son is 10 and when he ‘tries hard in his swimming lesson’ he gets a pack of football cards. The same with his maths tuition at home.

I’d say if you can afford it- a private home tutor once or twice a week for let’s say 30 minutes is great. This means you don’t have to have arguments and do homework with your child. Tutor does it. For us it has changed so much for better since we got my son a tutor to do maths with him.

My son has been on medication for about 2 years now (trying already 2, now a break and thinking of trying 3rd medication).

I’d say even though everything turned out to give my son severe side effects and adverse reactions, still I don’t regret that we have tried. Now he’s off meds but he’s not back to his previous base line . He’s better now.

[Knitting20projects]

I think he’s probably doing the best he can. ADHD is really a disorder of self regulation. Difficulty with anger and emotional regulation is very common and of course all young kids struggle with that. But kids with ADHD struggle more and take longer to calm down. And I learned recently that the longer they remain in a negative cycle of behavior the higher risk they have of developing oppositional defiant disorder. (Russell Barkley talks about this). I remember feeling really devastated that our son had ADHD (he was 4 & really struggling). We did behavioral therapy for almost a year. In our case, no matter what, it just didn’t stick. He couldn’t remember the behavior strategies & apply them later. This is also why ADHDers don’t respond well to distant rewards. We tried EVERYTHING—sticker charts, token economy, etc. Finally, when my husband and I were crying every Sunday night, we made a child psychiatrist appointment. Starting a stimulant was the best decision we ever made for him and for our family’s happiness. His confidence is light years ahead of where it was. And it allowed us to “catch him being good “ and make him feel proud of himself for his successes. I’m saying this to try to spare you some agony we went through. My husband occasionally still cries about that year & it was 8 years ago.