i am really struggling right now. I have twin 8 year old boys with adhd. One of them is medicated (kid 1) and the other is not yet (kid 2). Kid 1 has tried several meds. His teachers seem to think his meds really help him at school but home still feels so hard. When he is on meds, it is easier but in the am before the meds have kicked in or after 4pm when they have worn off, it is still hard. We deal with major tantrums…today we had 4. They are over small matters like being told he can’t do video games, limiting snacks because dinner is almost being served, getting ready in the morning, being told he can watch Netflix instead of you tube (which is more of a reward). Do any of you have any strategies or tips that have helped? Thank you!
hello everyone. I am new to this grou... - CHADD's ADHD Pare...
hello everyone. I am new to this group and hoping to get some support and tips. I am really struggling right now. I have twin 8 year old boy
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SEGles
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We welcome you to the group! We are excited to learn from you. It is exciting that your sons teachers are seeing a difference. It is common for stimulant medicine to wear off in the afternoon. Many families, including our give an additional dose to cover the afternoon ( sometimes called a booster dose) to carry until bed time.
A few things: if you have not already it will help a lot of you get an educational plan (504 or IEP). These are road maps for education. It helps for getting them things like seating near the teacher, extra time on assignments, etc.
If you could consider getting a child psychiatrist to help "dial in" the medication, they are amazing for the long and short term.
Another thing that really helped our son was some kind of activity outside of school, some kids like sports other like things like arts, cooking,etc. Having something to balance school really helps.
There are many many resources that can help. Some people like ADHD dude. Dr. Russell Barkley is one of the leading doctors on ADHD.
Just know we are always here for you. If you get a chance look back at some of the older post to help you.
Take care
Wow thanknyou so much for your message! I just teared up reading this! I really appreciate the support!
Question: do you also give both doses of medication on the weekend?
Our has tutoring and sports many days of the week, so yes we did. He was.unable to control himself when he was younger and we knew how much the medication helped. One last tip...
Where they are today, will not be where they are 7-8 years from now.
This has helped me survive and just get through tough each day. Make days as easy as possible. Tomorrow will be a different day.
Have a great day.
mom if an 8 year old adhd boy here too. We also trialed and have been using the same medication for about two months. School is better but like you said AM and PM are incredibly tough. Weekends and thanksgiving break we see/saw the changes and they were pretty significant.
I asked his doctor about evening coverage and a booster but the doctor said to hold off and let him acclimate first. He suggested practicing swallowing to switch over to a longer lasting formulation. We do metadate currently and the shift would be concerta. Our son can swallow nerds currently so it may be a longer road 🙃
Routines routines. Limit screen time. Lots of physical activity and time outdoors. Rewards for getting mundane things done like the morning checklist of packing backpack, getting jacket, putting on shoes. If it’s done in X minutes then he gets to watch football game highlights in the car on the way to school, listen to a favorite song as DJ (he has a brother). We started providing $10 weekly for chores too. Honestly though, it’s to offer a carrot for doing expected tasks plus putting away the dishes and bringing laundry to laundry room that make Nintendo switch or screen time a secondary reward. And to teach him some budgeting and delayed gratification skills. He has to decide what he really wants to buy, save for it, and not drive me crazy asking for things all them time. These kiddos need scaffolding. Cash in a wallet is too tempting. I keep an account for him in our online bank. Some rules like no buying junk food/candy.
These kiddos have a hard time on a good day. Their brains have less dopamine and so they seek out ways to boost those dopamine levels. So many corrections and redirecting. It’s exhausting for us but also them! Tell them you love them and snuggle with them twice a day minimum, morning and evening. Check in about the meds. Let them know what their wonderful qualities are. Say it aloud. We all need external affirmations. We do guided meditation the nights I put the kiddos to bed. My son said it helps him calm down. There are apps and recordings on Spotify for kids like New Horizons. It helps ME relax too!
It’s hard. I fail constantly. I’m human. Give yourself grace. Model apologizing. Share your emotions and frustrations (to a degree 🙃) to model the behavior we want them to learn.
Thank you soooo much!!! You bring uo a good point. I think shit hit the fan recently because of winter. We live in NH where there is snow on the ground and it gets dark early so we have been cooped up. I think we will join a community center/gym for the winter to allow the kids movement.
I will also try the meditations at night! That may help!
Thank you!
Hi- just offering you some twin mom solidarity. I also have twin boys, now 12, and only one is medicated, one is not. Mine are identical and both have similar issues that manifest a bit differently.
My medicated boy has extreme anxiety and his doctor recommended treating that first. It took a while to dial into the right medication. Through this group I learned about gene sight testing. It might be something worth considering if you feel the medication needs tweaking. His doctor can order it if needed.
My boys also feed off of each other, so if one is upset or having a bad day it impacts the other. Time and maturity helps, but it’s a bumpy ride.
Parenting twins who have special needs is extremely hard. It sounds like you’re doing a great job and remember to take care of yourself too.
thank you so much. always nice to hear from a fellow twin mom who gets the dynamic. i will look into the gene sight testing. that could be really helpful.
I totally understand! Mornings with my ADHD boy are super stressful. Because the meds are appetite suppressants, I try to feed him a huge breakfast before administering meds because once those are in his system, we are fighting him to eat all day. But before the meds are in his system, he’s very difficult to manage. And nights are hard too and he gets a hunger streak at bedtime. But on particularly bad mornings, I’ve given him his meds ASAP and told him to eat right away to avoid a stomach ache. And yes, he stays on meds on weekends and breaks because he’s too hard to manage not on them. The school 504 also helps a lot, and we go through a new situation every year where he’ll outgrow his meds so we’ll have to adjust dosage or change to a different brand altogether. It’s a constant guessing game. I hope this helps, and know that you are NOT alone!
PS - Forgot to mention that yes to the other advice here. It’s helped our son a lot to be in run club and soccer!
