👋🏽 My 10-year-old son was diagnosed with AHDH about a year ago and started on Concerta about 4 months ago. The only thing I can say it has done is make my son not want to eat throughout the day. I was skeptical about it in the beginning because I honestly just want to learn more about my son and build a stronger relationship. He’s my first born so I’m clueless! I feel like I’m in a space of just feeling lost and sad at the same time because I can feel this space between my son and me now that wasn’t there when he was younger. ADHD is that space. And I don’t like it.
Please tell me someone else can relate!!
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MzMcDondle
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Sorry to hear about the gap you now feel. I think it's a normal thing to go through with a change in behavior and attitudes, but try to stay positive.
Meds can differ in terms of efficacy for each chile. If you don't think the concerta is helping, or even hurting in the case of appetite suppression (some is normal, I think, but it usually returns to normal within a couple of weeks) then let your psychiatrist know and ask for something else. There are other options. FWIW, we see a night and day difference with our son on Concerta. But we haven't seen any impact with Guanfacine (Intuniv). Some kids respond better to Adderall, and so forth.
My son is only 5 and not on medication at all, but I can relate to the gap! My sons behavior can get very defiant sometimes and with the add he just seems like he is in his own world! I feel like he is very disconnected from me and everything else sometimes. This journey is just beginning for me, I feel lost, like I'm failing him as a parent, and I miss my baby! I'm hoping behavioral therapy will help us. Have you given any thought to this for you and your son?
Behavioral therapy I haven’t tried, we tried just regular counseling and haven’t found one that he’s open to yet. We have gone though and it didn’t help but maybe I should find a behavioral therapist instead! I remember one exercise in particular we had done where we shared our feelings and I felt better about opening up with each other.. until the very next day when my son started acting worse and everything I had said in that exercise the day before he started using against me and acting out twice as bad because it was like now he had new ideas about how to hurt me. Idk.
I understand the feeling of a gap between you and your son that wasn't there when he was younger. Thus, my user name FINDMYSON.....it breaks my heart when I have to discipline him every minute when he is not on his meds. And when he yells, "you don't care about me" or "I hate you"....he will be 10 in July and as far back as I can remember he was a polite and helpful little boy. Now I only see that when he is on his meds. I held out and tried every other option I could find to try and NOT hive him meds. but finally at the end of 2nd grade we started with Concerta and it was my son again, mostly my son again.
It has been a trial and error with the effectiveness of the medication, brand, dosage, etc. because his initial meds. stopped being as effective after about a year and we are trying to get it right now, but it is worth having him be MY son again. His school work is the biggest improvement, so much so that he doesn't qualify for the 504 anymore and his behavior is more manageable while we are working to get him on a better dosage and type.
Patience......lots and lots of patience....lol....some days I end up crying alot, but then I realize he needs my help because it's just he and I and I gotta suck it up and move on......he is frustrated as well and can't always help his behavior (although he TRIES to blame his ADHD for everything) and hates taking medicine everyday but he does and is trying too. The improvement in school was his biggest success and has made him feel better about alot of things, especially his self esteem.
Sorry, got long winded there....but I hope it helped with your thoughts about medication.....I write alot in a journal, it helps me to get my frustrations out sometimes and when I type here, I forget to stop.....lol
Thank you for your words!! I probably do need to discuss with his doctor and see about something else. I only other thing is his father doesn’t agree that medicine is needed and he’s not open to even accepting our son is ADHD so when he goes with him (EOW) he doesn’t take his medication.
My son is 13 the gap is real. He has been on Concerta for 5 years we didn’t notice a difference at first either. In fact stimulating himbthrough Meds woke up his Tourettes we didn’t know he had!
Meds work so well now I can tell a big difference 30 min after he takes them. I think we found the perfect combo of uppers and downers. He is on a mood stableizer (ability) Anxiety med (Zoloft) and Concerta and intiniv for ADHD. It took us a long time before we saw help from Meds. I am glad we didnt give up because I am not a believer in medicating but in my case it was the right thing to do.
Behavior therapy and family counciling is a big help as well.
When we combine Meds an IEP, behavior and Family counciling and faith we seem to make it through each day. Right now he is invhengarage punching his punching bag. He uses this bag many times a day to get out his frustration and anxiety. Find an activity your son prefers and use it to change behavior. Screen time works well for this too.
Just know you are not alone.
We are in the middle of a law suit agains his school as well. Attorneys everywhere! His is quite a journey.
Wow! Thank you for sharing that. All of your responses have helped me just feel not so alone. I will definitely speak with his doctor again to see what kind of game plan we might need to come up with next. My son is so smart!! That’s what I feel like frustrates both of us because he knows he’s smart too but just can’t always help himself. I never realized it could take years to get a good treatment plan together. On top of having 2 toddlers in the house I feel like I all ever do is scold children. And I don’t like feeling like that type of parent.
I am that type of a parent too but every book I read on raising kids with adhd it says your need to be a very strict parent or change will not occur for your child! Stay stron and stay strict! Make boundaries that will keep him safe from himself! ❤️
I feel your pain. My son will be 11 in a week and it feels like all our relationship is, is fighting. Sometimes I forget what an interesting and kind kid he is underneath. I work at the school he goes to, so all I hear are the negative things. People have a misconception that there must be something horrible going on at home, but that’s not the truth. Any child can suffer from this, like any disability regardless of socioeconomic status, family makeup, etc. I hate the looks and attitudes we get, like he’s doing things on purpose. Sometimes I cry thinking about it all. Somedays it feels like too much, but I know I have to keep strong and trudging on for him. I try to make a big deal out of small victories. I think that’s all you can do. Let some of the bad go and dwell on the good things that happened that day or week. It’s hard when no one sees past the adhd, but you know your son better than anyone. At the end of the day you know you have a sweet kid in there. Keep trying and don’t give up on him, he deserves it. I’m sending you warm thoughts and hugs 🤗 from one Mom in the trenches to another.
Thank you so much for saying that.!! I feel like we are going through so many of the same things! Sometimes it’s like it’s literally my son and I against the world (and I’m married!) My husband and I are both clueless when it comes to ADHD but my husband was raised a lot different than I was so that’s just another story. lol But I can really relate to how you feel. I always find myself making excuses for my son to try and help other people understand a little bit better but I feel like nobody does. And at the same time, I’m actually clueless myself lol but I know my son. He WANTS to be good, but sometimes it’s just hard. A person who doesn’t have ADHD has a hard time being good every day!
You are so right that’s why it’s good to celebrate the small victories. I’m married too and have a younger daughter. It affects all of us. I get tired of people saying he needs disciplined. Like as if we don’t!! Lol!! It feels as though that’s all we do sometimes. My son sees a counselor at school and out of. He’s on intuniv and about to start concerta. I have him taken out of class for tests and he goes to a resource room, which seems to be helping.
I can relate a million percent!!!! I find myself getting mad and frustrated with him when he's acting out at home, or I get calls from school. Hoping someone can share some tips with us.
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