Hi everyone, I am a 24 year old single mother who works and is currently going to college. I am new to the community. I decided I need to try to get more involved with things like this because I am really having the hardest time and because I feel like I need to be more informed on ADHD....
So about 2 years ago my 6 year old son was diagnosed with ADHD. I have always noticed signs since even before then. I am having the hardest time to try and stay calm with him. I myself got diagnosed with anxiety and ADD about 6 months ago. When he starts getting worked up I get worked up and break down. He has to be CONSTANTLY making noises and moving. This isn't something he can control and when I get worked up about it and send him to his room till I calm down I break down and cry because I feel like the most crappy parent alive. All I want to do is help him and everything I do doesn't seem to work. He gets upset very easily as well which breaks my heart. I don't want to put him on medicine but Im feeling more and more defeated. There are times where I don't even want to be around and just want to go away but won't because my little guy is my world. Its like I love him to death and don't understand why I feel this way sometimes!! I am asking for help and guidance! Am I a horrible parent for even feeling this way??
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mmooree93
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This is a tough one. It sounds like you need some help. Do you have a friend or family that can come over some times to help you? It's hard enough raising one with two parents, I can't image what you are going through. Have you talked to a doctor about your own struggles?
I have no advise on what to do about a 6 year old with ADHD. I have one too, and I can't seem to find much to make things better. We started medicine a few weeks ago - things are slightly better but there's always some outburst at school.
Take care of yourself and don't feel bad for feeling the way you do. Most of us moms have felt similar feelings every now and then.
Thank you for responding. I don't really have anyone to talk to who understands what I am going through. I do speak with a therapist but that doesn't seem to help. I have never had anxiety until recently. It takes over me and is indescribable. Almost as if break were placed onto the chest. It is just very overwhelming to deal with my son. He isn't doing to well in school only because he can't sit still long enough to pay attention. When he is focused he does great.
I totally understand you. My 4 year old was recently diagnosed as well. No one understood what I was going through. Most days are so stressful that all I did was cry and pray it would get better. Search for a support group in your local area. I find this very helpful for me. Good luck Praying that things will improve for you
I know how you feel O have been there. It is exhausting. My son is on medicine he also sees a counselor. You need to try to find some me time to yourself
I have the same feelings and issues. I had to medicate myself as I was spiraling out of control. Could not come down from the anxiety. And I am not a single Mom.
Not saying that is what you should do, but I had to struggle with myself to know that this was necessary for me. I am now calmer and able to deal much better. My son is also medicated BTW. Doing what is best is a hard decision and soul search to find what works.
Raising ADHD children while having ADHD yourself is incredibly difficult, and there's not nearly enough advice and help out there for this VERY COMMON situation. A lot of books for parents of ADHD children explain all about how you need to provide structure for the child, and most don't even acknowledge that something like half of the parents are still struggling to provide structure for themselves. And you are a single mom, and you were barely an adult when you became responsible for another person.
See if you can find some sort of coach or therapist who can work with both of you together, and medication for one, the other or both of you could also make sense. Just one thing: It's probably not a good idea for both of you to start medication at exactly the same time, because monitoring him for good and bad effects while monitoring yourself could get way too confusing.
You are not a horrible parent for feeling that way. I second the suggestion that you try and find other folks (via support group) that are dealing with similar issues. You really need folks to talk to that understand what you are going through. Hang in there.
The best thing I ever did was find the correct combination of meds for my son. If you find the right child psychologist and the right prescription, medication is not a bad route. My son has been medicated from age 5 to currently now at age 11. We visit his dr every 3 months to re-evaluate his meds. I know what you mean about feeling like a crappy parent, I used to feel that way too. Today was a hard day for us with his new teachers that don’t know him well. Good luck to you ❤️
One thing we have done has helped us tremendously. We fiound a few simple things our son enjoys and that we enjoy doing with him and find a few minutes each day to do at least one. It can literally be 5-10 minutes. We might build an unstructured lego design, play with his cars and trucks with him, kick a soccer ball around, or cuddle and read a book. We both work and have bad commutes, but I promise finding this time to do something each day that shows him we value his interests and provides our attention and a chance for him to be successful reduces his opposition and increases his flexibility. It more than pays back the little time we invest.
Most importantly, when we aren't trying to cajole to him eat, or get dressed, or do homework etc, (all things that are necessary, but frustrating), we are reminded what an amazing, smart, sweet and funny guy he is. Try it. And, if the therapist isn't helping, maybe you need someone different?
Hi! I know exactly how you feel. My son is now 7 and his dad had ADHD and I have always had ADD so I knew he would have some sort of it. He has always been constantly energetic. I was a single mom doing two sometimes three jobs and going to school. Having structure is really hard when you have so much going on. Finding simple things for structure like setting a bed time or making sure they brush their teeth before bed. Little things for structure that sometimes can be hard but when ever you can really help.
I read one of the comments that is a huge thing. Making that special time even if it’s 10 minutes makes a huge difference for not only their self but yourself. I started doing that and it made me feel so much more like I was giving him the attention versus just yelling at him to stop running around like a chicken with his head cut off.
I knew one day I would put him on medicine and he goes to an amazing school that gives him and me so much support and help, they helped me decide to put him on meds now. We just started and it’s such a small difference but I think it helps with his confidence too and it’s so much off us to not have to keep reminding him. When ever, if ever you decide to do it just research it ask your doctor for them about and if you have support at school yet ask them about it. I started asking and got so much good advise. No one pressured me and said either way. I think parents who have kids know the struggle is real and don’t want to persuade you either way just which way makes you most comfortable.
I’m afraid you will come across people who feel strongly one way or another and will tell you their way is right and you are wrong for doing it the other way. Don’t worry, let it go, there will always be people who see black and white and can be very rude about it. Don’t let it discourage you from asking more people.
Just a quick comment for anyone...the Wii is great to use at home to burn off energy dancing, playing basketball, etc. They can use it on their own especially if going outside is not an option.
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