Suggestions on helping my 9 year old with ASD, ADHD, and ODD manage his anger and frustration.

[Girlygirl4]

Hi,

I am new to this sight and would love some advice on how to help my child with his frustration and anger issues. He is 9 years old and has been dealing with this for a long time. He is currently on Abilify 10mg, Azstarys 52.3-10.4mg, and Lexepro 5mg. He has a lot of sensory issues as well. Auditory is a big one. When he was in kindergarten, he would start screaming from the loudness in the cafeteria. The azstarys has helped with the ADHD, but seems to wear off around 4-5pm. He has destroyed things in his classroom when angry over little things. At home he can get disrespectful and a little mouthy. He has aggression at home sometimes as well. He wants very much to be social, but he struggles a lot within the social realm. Not flexible, does not read social cues, does not take others feeling into account, wants to do everything his way, gets mad easy if it does not go his way. I feel so bad for him, but it is also very exhausting dealing with some of his issues. I am always wondering if it is going to get better.

[Aspen797]

I can relate. Though it’s been awhile, since my child is now a teen. Rigidity, black and white thinking, perspective taking, communication skills, emotional regulation—it is simply a lot. Do you have outside supports? At that age we relied a lot on various therapies. Occupational therapy for emotional regulation ( 5 pt scale, coping technique) as well as sensory; speech for social thinking (Michelle Garcia Winner) as well as pragmatic language and social skills and a positive parenting psychologist for us so we could learn better ways of managing behaviors. Does your child have a 504 or IEP? A 504 can provide accommodations to level the field and an IEP can provide actual skill teaching — social skill, emotional regulation, sensory integration, etc. in addition to accommodations. It also provides pretty significant rights and protections. Important to take care of you too. You can only be as strong and patient and wise as you are self-compassionate. Find your support. We found it in the waiting rooms of therapy providers with other parents, through online forums like Differently Wired / Tilt Parenting, and local organizations. This forum is a truly welcoming and informative space. I have learned so much from others here and felt supported too. So glad you are here!

[Girlygirl4 in reply to Aspen797]

Thank you for your warm welcome and input!! It is nice to hear someone else say that they get it. Our son went thru early intervention and had OT. Then after he aged out at 3, we did more OT at age 4 and age 7. He started on a 504 plan in kindergarten then moved to an IEP. He also switched to a different school within the district in the middle of 1st grade where they had a special program for kids with social emotional needs and sensory issues. That was a good move for him. He sees a social worker, speech, and OT at school. I really love that you got to see a positive parenting psychologist! That is one of my issues. I feel like our resources are limited where we are at. It is very frustrating! Especially for autism. We do see a child psychologist on a regular basis. Thank you also for the resources you mentioned, I will look them up. I am so glad I joined this group. I already feel supported!!❤️

[PurplePizza]

Our son is the same age and also has ODD and ADHD. He struggled a lot with anger and physical aggression and it really was at its worst about a year ago. What has helped us tremendously was the use of vitamins and supplements (we tried 5 different medications with varying degrees of failure/side effects).

For anger and aggression, what has helped him the most was nutritional lithium (1 mg Lithium orotate), Mood Probiotics (Innovix Labs), and saffron gummies (Olly brand). He takes a variety of other vitamins and supplements, but those were the ones that really helped with his physical aggression. He is a completely different kid than he was a year ago, in the best possible way.

Definitely talk to your doctor, especially with your son taking other medications. These are what helped for our family. I wish you all the best!

[Girlygirl4 in reply to PurplePizza]

Thank you so much! I will check into that and research it!

[Mamamichl]

hmm. It’s hard when kids have this pin all of the time. My stepkid was the same way in kindergarten and first grade. He was then put into a behavior special needs classroom and transitioned out in fifth grade. It was amazing experience for him because he learned coping strategies and learned to problem solve. I’m also a sped teacher, so I know the communication trainings we go through to de escalate and to help kids get through situations. Yes it hindered his academics a bit but it helped him with making friends and focus more on mental health.

Another idea is to try to get him to meditate more and try DBT counseling specifically. They teach coping strategies.

[Girlygirl4 in reply to Mamamichl]

Hello! Thank you so much for your response! My son had to switch schools in the middle of 1st grade to start in the social/emotional program they offered. It helped him a lot with his sensory issues. He is still in the program and he is in 3rd grade. He knows all the tools he can use for frustration, but when he gets in a situation where he is mad or frustrated, he can’t seem to utilize the tools to help himself. Also, big reactions to small problems. His academics have definitely suffered, but he is a smart kid. I will definitely look into the DBT counseling. Thank you so much for the resources!!

[Mamamichl in reply to Girlygirl4]

Visual aids nearby sometimes help. Also something that helps me is to have a rubber band on my wrist to snap or an essential oil to use and help me take deep breaths. What helps my kids is having a big punching bag available to hit, and my Partner uses a Pell (post in the ground) to beat with a stick in sword play.

[Girlygirl4 in reply to Mamamichl]

I just bought a punching bag! I need to be better about deep breathing, it does help. Do you mean visual aids for routine stuff, or when he falls apart?

[Mamamichl in reply to Girlygirl4]

Both! Sometimes seeing a prompt helps. For me aroma therapy is amazing. Routine visual aids help the meltdowns not happen as much. There’s so many resources and coloring pages for prompts when starting to escalate. You could even start a pec system. Basically have different coping strategies attached to a board via Velcro. When he gets escalated, verbal doesn’t help usually, bring him to the board and have him take off the coping strategy he wants to practice. This kind of thing is done in special education all of the time. Here is an example.

Several pictures pec board on coping strategies.

[CHADDMOM]

You just described most adults with ADHD. The difference is brain maturation. I as an adult with ADHD, identify with all of that. It is hard for little ones to take perspective of others but understanding the social/emotional developmental delay in ADHD, pin points the most of what is causing the symptoms and other behaviors. He might also have another problem along with the ADHD. There is a very high rate of coexisting conditions with ADHD.

Whenever I’m in a social situation where it is too loud or too “Peopley” i take out my ear plugs, called “loops” that my niece bought me. She noticed I don't like loud, people or places, and being in a Irish family, I'm not going to escape that.

us.loopearplugs.com/products. they have a couple of variations. The ones I use are for noisy environments/ socializing. You can hear everything, but it tones it down to be helpful.

Hope these help. ❤️

[Girlygirl4 in reply to CHADDMOM]

Hi, thank you so much for your response! I appreciate learning from someone who understands because they are living it. Your message reminded me that I have to remember where HE is coming from! My son also has autism spectrum disorder, and ODD. He has a lot of sensory issues, auditory is a big one. He has headphones, but he doesn’t always wear them. Thank you for the link on the loops! I will definitely check into it! I love how you said “peopley” LOL! My son feels exactly the same way!!

[Jmn13]

I can relate to your exact situation, thank you for posting and reaching out. The additional feedback will also be helpful for our current situation as well. Sending hugs🤗

[Girlygirl4 in reply to Jmn13]

Thank you so much. Hugs to you as well!