Advice With Challenging Teacher Situation

[Bootsie1]

Hi all - looking for some guidance with the response my son received from his teacher when he emailed her asking for some of his homework assignments to be exempt. His IEP states that HW assignments may be shortened or exempt at teacher discretion as long as it does not reduce necessary content. So basically, practice and busy work can be reduced or exempt all together. Below is teacher response:

“I will not exempt homework. I will give you two extra days to complete each one since you get 100% extra time, but doing the homework is how you learn the math to be successful on the tests. I do about half of each homework with you all in class, so usually you have only about 10 more to do per assignment every day. I also try to give you time in class and many finish in that first day. For 6 of the 14 assignments for this second quarter you only turned in the ones I did for you all in class. This means you did nothing in 2 days for each one of those. That is just not trying. Your test scores have gone down because you aren't practicing by doing homework. We can shorten assignments or give you the extra days, but you can't just not do them.”

To add some context:

1. my son takes medication during the school day however medicating after school drastically delays sleep onset.

2. He is heavily invested in sports (where he has the opportunity to experience success and bolster his self esteem) and has practices/games most days. The days he doesn't have practice he either relaxes and spends time with friends or catches up on his own laundry, which his household chore.. along with being responsible for his own space/bedroom being clean.

3. He cares deeply about doing well in school and makes sure he is never late to school in the morning and almost never misses a day as he fears falling behind and keeping up.*** HE IS TRYING**

4. My son States that one reason he didn't do some of the HW assignments was bc he did not understand the content, and in the same, did not perform well on those tests. I also recognize that he does not do homework at times bc he has ADHD, which is, as some people aren't aware of, a neurobiological disorder preventing him from performing consistently as well as his neurotypical peers. He is not “not trying” or lazy.

Honestly, at the end of the school day, he is D.O.N.E and doesn't have the neurotransmitters in circulation like the classmates who “try” and succeed in getting HW done!

I used to hire tutors and cajole him to get all his homework done. I no longer do that as he literally started to develop anxiety that to temporarily seek treatment for. This was extremely upsetting bc he is my one child who was never anxious.

So sorry for the length of this post! I suppose it is part advice-seeking and part rant… 😅🤪

[Momwhosdrowning]

I am really sorry your child is going through this and of course, you. My son also struggles with adhd and is in the 4th grade. He has a 504 plan and his teacher is not implementing anything on there so he can constantly in trouble. Everyday. It has mentally depleted him and myself but I am not giving up and nor should you!

Adhd is something school officials do not believe in and if they do it’s a rarity so for this reason kids like ours are constantly under a microscope. The teachers have a certain expectation but fail to understand not all kids can meet those expectations. You continue to speak up and stand your ground like you have. Go to the school board if necessary because that is my next step

[Bootsie1 in reply to Momwhosdrowning]

Thank you so much for this.. I am sorry to hear that this is happening to your little guy.

I think you are right, I will continue to advocate for my son and part of that is getting the language in his IEP strengthened. Maybe the best immediate plan is to to endear ourselves to the teachers who lack understanding. People listen and give attention to people they like and feel respected by. Only then is it possible soften them to our children's plight...

Although going Mama bear on them is very tempting...lol

[NorthWildling]

I second Mebrat526. Demand that the school give him an IEP that sets him up for success. He IS trying hard. And they need to try hard too. Best of luck.

[Bootsie1 in reply to NorthWildling]

thank you!

[Aspen797]

It sounds like there is a misunderstanding. Your son is expressing to you that he is struggling with homework because he doesn’t understand it. The teacher is expressing that he would understand more if he did more.

Good for him for self-advocating with that initial email. Can he follow up by sharing with her that at times he doesn’t understand the content and asking for her help? Sometimes teachers offer time before or after school to provide a little extra help. Math does require some practice for proficiency, but it should be reduced if he doesn’t need the extra practice to master the content. And there should be help available to him so that he isn’t struggling.

[Bootsie1 in reply to Aspen797]

Thank you so much for your reply. I do see the misunderstanding and you're right that it is important to clarify that with his teacher.

If I am to be completely honest and totally unrealistic (according to how the public school system is run) he does not possess the ability to do homework at the end of the school day without additional medication.

How does one have an IEP put into place with an accommodation stating NO Homework? There is no such thing. So either he takes the medication in the afternoon and suffers or he just doesn't do the homework and suffers.

I guess my options are limited and I may ask for a meeting with this teacher and everyone that follows, and do my best to educate them on my son’s ADHD and also reconvene with the IEP team and advocate for stronger language with homework accommodations. SIGH…

[Crazyboymomma in reply to Bootsie1]

Hi! My son is only 11 and in 6th grade, but I can relate 100%. We had the identical situation last year. He goes to a catholic school, so no iep or 504 in place, but his teacher was well aware of his adhd. Almost every day after school last year was spent with ME teaching him math in order for him to complete his homework. And then tests were not great. I asked for help on multiple occasions and was just told he talks too much. 🙄 Now, cut to this year, 6th grade - middle school. I spoke with his math teacher at back to school night and shared my concerns. She (very earnestly and forcefully) said “they will never go home with math that they do not understand. And if it ever happens just stop and put it away and I’ll help him the next day”. I nearly cried. But it did validate my concerns and complaints with his previous teacher. She was horrible, she did not care, and she brushed him off. If homework is meant for learning but you don’t know how to do it, how could that work?? How would it be possible? If I could do it over again, I would! BUT since he already has an iep in place I would have the meeting and simply demand that he NOT come home with math homework he doesn’t understand. Period. Homework is meant to reinforce what you already know. Demand that she give him extra help, that he be signed up for a study hall WITH teachers or tutors, or that he be able to visit a resource room for extra math help. I think your iep could also clearly state that his teacher must check in with him at the end of class to ensure he understands what he’s taking home. Make her sign off on it.

[Onthemove1971]

Dealing with school issues is never fun. A few thoughts:1. This teacher sees homework important

2. This is a good learning lesson that you son should speak up when he doesn't understand something, so he can complete all assignments in class and it's a good idea to make a plan so in the future this doesn't happen.

3. Math just gets harder and many kids struggle so much so, this may be an area he needs extra help in, maybe at lunch there is a place to go for extra help.

4. I recommend at the beginning of every year you have a meeting to discuss your child's need so you don't run into this is the future.

5. Has your son seen a child psychiatrist who can work on medication management? This might help

6. Not sure what grade your child in but some schools offer a study skills class instead of an elective, these are super helpful becuase a teacher with a credential is in the class and they can help with any work, projects and homework.

7. It might be a good idea to have a meeting with the teacher, but you may not get the outcome you want since his homework was not done in class and he didn't ask for help.

Hope yo can find a solution..

[Aspen797 in reply to Onthemove1971]

A study hall class! That’s a great idea! Especially if earlier in the day.

[Knitting20projects]

My only other thought: could he try a booster dose of short acting guanfacine in afternoon, instead of a stimulant? If you and he are interested, a short acting non-stimulant might help a little and not impact his sleep like giving a stimulant at 4 pm would. It probably wouldn’t help as much as a stimulant but might somewhat.

[Bootsie1 in reply to Knitting20projects]

Interesting, I will try this. Long-acting Guanfacine made him uncharacteristically grumpy but the short acting is worth a go. Thank you!

[Crazyboymomma in reply to Knitting20projects]

That’s an interesting suggestion, and I wonder if you’d expand on it? My son takes Guanfacine before bed, he takes his Focalin xr in the morning. Oftentimes, even though he takes extended release, it still doesn’t last long enough to get him through his homework. Do you think giving him the Guanfacine after school instead of bedtime might help? Thanks!

[Knitting20projects in reply to Crazyboymomma]

Is he taking the guanfacine more to help with sleep? If the Focalin XR wears off too early and he is essentially unmedicated for homework time, a booster dose of a short acting medication (stimulant or nonstimulant—for kids who stimulant will affect sleep or dinner appetite) may help. I don’t know if giving the bedtime guanfacine dose as an afternoon booster would (a) last long enough to also help at bedtime and (b) be too large a dose that it is sedating & defeats the purpose of helping him focus on homework (because it was originally prescribed to help sleep). Definitely worth discussing with whoever prescribes his medication, though. It’s tough when your kid is well controlled during the day and then —here, do this homework & guess what? You don’t have your medicine on board! Seems extra challenging for everyone.

[Onthemove1971 in reply to Knitting20projects]

Our son had a dose of guanfacine that was for 24 hours and he took it at bed time... just a thought.

[Imakecutebabies]

My thought: if part of the reason he's not doing the homework is because he doesn't understand it, then simply exempting him won't help his math grade as he'll still do poorly on tests. He needs extra support. Perhaps he could get the homework cut in half instead of exempted and then find someone (teacher, peer, tutor, whoever) to help him through that half before he leaves school. What grade is he in?

[Bootsie1 in reply to Imakecutebabies]

He is 16 and in 10th grade. I think the key is extra support in the morning. You’re right, it's vital he at least passes the tests and understands concepts. After school is baseball and his valued down time.

He can take his meds earlier and they may not be as effective toward the end of the day however for now that may not be a problem as those classes are ones he is doing well in.

[Knitting20projects in reply to Bootsie1]

If he’s waiting for med to kick in, a different medicine option might be Jornay PM (a different formulation of methylphenidate). He would take it in the evening. It doesn’t affect sleep because it doesn’t begin taking effect until the following morning due to a unique way it is metabolized/absorbed. It starts working at around 5:30/6 am and apparently lasts much longer and more smoothly (less chance of rebound irritability as it wears off, which you can see with even Concerta & definitely with immediate release methylphenidate). Not all insurance plans cover it but the drug company has a savings program. I have considered it for our son. Our insurance will not cover it but I may eventually consider the savings plan if it’s still available.

[Onthemove1971 in reply to Knitting20projects]

Just a question.. so it is a delayed release? Meaning of they take a 20mg tablet, it might release 5mg then a few hours later 5mg more. Is that what it does? I assume it would still be called an ER- extended release?Do you know if there is also a shortage for this medication? Like other stimulants?

Thanks

[Knitting20projects in reply to Onthemove1971]

My understanding (and I am not an expert by any means on Jornay PM) is that it isn’t released into the system for about 12 hours after you take it; then it’s an extended release formulation that ideally lasts 12 hours with less rebound effect than other methylphenidate formulations. I promise I don’t work for whatever company owns the Jornay PM patent. I don’t know if there’s been a shortage issue or not. It’s very expensive and often not covered by all insurance plans or requires a prior authorization etc. Our insurance doesn’t cover it even as a 3rd or 4th choice because it’s so expensive. I wish they did, because our son’s specialist mentioned it as an option to consider if it was financially feasible.

[Okaythanks]

Hang in there and stand your ground. You are his best advocate. It makes me so angry when a teacher says a kid is not trying when you know they are. It is an automatic trigger for my mama bear response 🤣. But you’re right, if you can keep that in it will probably get you better results. Good luck!

[MountainBeach]

Hi Bootsie,

I think that you have received some wisdom for the group, and I hope it helps. FWIW, I also have a 10th grader and have been advocating for him for most of his life. I am also a recovering "Mama Bear" (but those impulses are strong!).

The roles that I am trying to play now are Administrator and Coach. 1) I convene in-person meetings with whomever at the school needs an opportunity to reflect on how to do a better job serving my son (Resource Room teacher, general education teachers, etc.). At the meetings I try to faciliate a no-blame conversation on how to create systems where my kiddo has a greater chance of success with the curriculum. 2) At home I try to coach my son in effective homework completion techniques, self-advocacy emails, and self-reflection.

This is a work in progress, for sure, and we frequently have the conversation that in his life he is going to have two jobs, first to advocate for himself when he feels like he is being discriminated against for having ADHD, and second to figure out life-hacks and work-arounds because society is never going to be organized in a way that supports his neurology.

[Bootsie1]

Thank you! I truly appreciate this wonder advice!!

[dolphinmoon]

Hello, I am new here but I wanted to chime in. My daughter struggled in math class two years ago saying that when she asked her teacher for help, they would just tell her to try and do the work. They were not understanding how her anxiety and adhd prevent her from both understanding the work and completing it. She expressed it to me at the end of the school year, so I made a point to advocate for her last year. She had her regular accomodations but she continued to struggle and barely passed last year. At the end of the year they decided that this year we will put her in a smaller class. Now she only has 6 students in her class and her teacher never gives her homework and for the first marking period she has a 96!!!

Keep advocating for your child!

[Knitting20projects in reply to dolphinmoon]

Wow!!! Great job for getting a better setting for her.

[abryans]

I am in the same struggle! We give my son medicine to get through the largely sedentary school day. He does not appear capable of doing one dimensional, sedentary activities in the evening. I have tried everything I know. He seems so dysregulated. On the other hand, I found a farm where he can work and he repairs machines, operates tractors, cleans pens, helps milk goats, and more. At home, he does all kinds of projects, including replacing the rotting railing on our porch. He is a bright and amazing young man (almost 14, in 8th grade). I am sick of the academic struggle- I think the education system we have, which almost universally expects students to learn the same thing at the same time in the same way, leaves out an awful lot of kids!

[Fish1fish]

If this is an ongoing problem, look into getting an advocate on behalf of your son. We got one for our daughter and they spoke on our behalf and really made sure the school followed through on the plan. Ours new all the ins and outs of the law and called the school out on any shenanigans they were trying to pull. With that said it wasn't a cheap process but it might be worthwhile to look into one even for one time advice.

[Onthemove1971 in reply to Fish1fish]

Trust between providers and parents/guardians is very important.

Having an advocate changes the way the team works together. I do not recommend starting with an advocate.

[Fish1fish]

Correct, which is why I suggested if it’s an ongoing problem look into an advocate.