Outlet

It sickens me that I feel the urge to cut, that I actually feel like I NEED to cause damage to myself. I want to. I want to see them red raw and not an inch of pale flesh left untouched. Things are so okay at the moment but I am still missing cutting. I'm still hallucinating and seeing blood drip down walls. My scars are healing and ofcourse I want them to go and I want to get better, there's just some sick part of me that wants fresh wounds and more blood stains on my matress. I want to feel the itch of the healing process and the sting when you pick a scab off. I want to see the fat bursting out of every wound. And the sickest part is that I want that more than I want to recover.

4 Replies

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  • I think it sounds as though you may need more help from your GP if you want to harm yourself more than you want to recover. I can't be more helpful, sorry, as I have never been in your situation. But please look for some more help.

  • hello, i'm sorry for my outburst. Thank you, I am having regular therapy appointments, but unfortunately I still feel this way, it's just a constant battle. I'm sure i will be okay though, I am a positive person, believe it or not! Thankyou for your reply.

  • Good to hear that you are positive and I know it's very hard but try to keep that positive side uppermost and you will be ok. Life seems to be a constant batttle for many of us but we WILL win , we have to. All the very best.xx

  • Hi just make a decision every day that you are not going to cut that day. Tell yourself you can the next day if you really want to. Then next day say the same. It might help.

    Bev x

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