Its been a while, struggling but accepting my illness

J wanted to say a massive thank you to all those who have supported me since I've been on the site. You know who you are ;)

Sorry haven't blogged recently, things been a little tough and been trying to keep it together. Xmas break was supposed to be a chance to reccharge my batteries and try and put into place some strategies to help me attack 2013 with a fresh approach. Sadly went down hill more and anxiety and depression hitting an all time low. For months / years? Struggled to accept that this is me and part of my make up and when I recovered last time I sillyily thought I was sorted and brushed aside a lot of my support mechanism and this combined wi work pressures and finances sent me into a massive spiral. Being off work from September for 2 months didn't have the desired effect and meds changed and only just got apps for cbt for next week. Felt a little lost in the system and as I have said before Ivengot a ticking timebomb not just on my career but my life. I fully accept I need to stop worrying easier said than done and not to expect too much on a daily basis. I've made it tovwednesday.msomething after last week I didn't think I would get through to after convincing myself that all was lost and I was going to end it all. Of course my son kept me going and my contact time although hard with my negativity / worryingn/ anxiety is a delight to be shown so much love from a young man :) I know suicide is not an option not just for the effect on him but at times those thoughts were there and gathered pace last week.

Recovery is going to take time and hoping cbt will help, as long as I can struggle through a high presssured job in one piece and surviving each day.

Overall a very tough day but a positive evening with some exercise, tidying a coffee with a comrade helped. Lookingnforwardmto ,my horlicks and last zopliclone to knock me ot for the bigndisplinaryvmeeting tomorrow about my attendance, had my fluoxetine and trazedoene doubledmfornnextnweek to get me through, feeling like I rattle when I walk at the minute!

There are a number of challenges ahead in the next few days / weeks and months just hoping, positive actions,meds and therapy will help meet through it!

Take care you all and that we are all in this together and keep supporting each othernandnthe journeys ahead

Fw xxxxx

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