Hey guys! It's been a while sinse I've posted for myself but here goes;
Almost a decade-ish ago now, I went through a pretty hard time. Over the space of a few months, my mother died, my son was born, my partner left me, taking my son with her and I lost my job. Although my issues and the battle in my head were there long before this, this is what tipped me over the edge.
For a while after, I tried to keep contact with my son and see him regularly, but as tensions grew I felt more and more like I was just not good for him and my ex partner saw it too, and no longer allows me access. Sinse then, I haven't seen him and he probably doesn't even know who I am anymore.
Sinse this happened, I've spent about 5 years in total seclusion. I don't go outside, I don't speak to people, my only communication is online, I have no job and no money, I don''t receive benefits. I'm literally only alive today because a persistent old friend refuses to leave me. A debt I can likely never repay.
But onto the present. I have racked up a substantial debt in council tax, £1200 approximately. I have 7 days to tell them how I intend to pay it, and have had email correspondence with them. They talked about sending a bailiff around if I cannot afford it, but quickly realised that every single item I own falls under the "exempt" category as I own very little of anything. They also realised that with a nil income, there's no way for me to pay it. Which leaves their other option "You will be required to show good reason why you should not be imprisoned for non payment of council tax" Now I'm not a lawyer, but the wording of that to me, sounds like they need a reason to not put me in prison for not paying, not that they need a reason I cannot pay. I have no reason. I thought perhaps anxiety might be a reason, but they'd require proof which I can't provide and 7 days isn't even nearly enough to get signed up to a GP and get an appointment. I'm not even sure I could will myself to go to a doctor anyway.
It also requires me to attend at court, which is quite literally a stage here people are paid to judge you. Not sure how I'll will myself to go to that either, especially as I know the outcome of both gong and not going is prison time.
And finally... would I be better off in prison? I currently eat very little, often eating only a couple of sandwiches a weak, 'm very underweight. I'm terrified of going outside, I have like reverse claustrophobia? I prefer enclosed dark spaces. Although kinda off topic, I've been like this for so long now that when I do go outside, my eyes can't deal with the open air at all, and they go horribly red and water like crazy and I'm very pale, god knows what I look like. I can't help that prison is kind of the answer to my prayers. I have security that I wont be thrown on the streets, always having a roof over my head, I wont be outside, I have access to medical care when required. I'll eat much better, even if the food isn't great, it's better than now. I don't know, thoughts?