Am I really worth nothing?

Hi, i'm 48, have a long history of Depression/Anxiety, also diagnosed with Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and Borderline Personality Disorder.

Something happened yesterday, that has made me doubt my self-worth even more than usual. (Too difficult to talk about at this stage)

Also, this year seems to be the year that the D.W.P., want to take every opportunity to humiliate me, by putting me through assessment after assessment, the first of which was for transfer from D.L.A to P.I.P., where the Capita assessor, lied about several things, but this didn't seem to bother the Tribunal. I ended up losing my lifetime award of D.L.A., and of course, I don't fit the criteria for P.I.P., because they keep changing it so most people won't.

That was in February of this year, and now they are forcing me to go through the E.S.A.50 claim form debacle once again. It appears that they love to target those with little energy left to fight, or who are vulnerable. So I look forward to once again being humiliated, and lied about. NOT

The impact of all of this, is just horrendous, I live in constant fear, i'm sure a lot of you will be able to relate, my self esteem, well I haven't seen that in a long time, same as self-worth.

I hurt no-one, I survive the only way I know how, by keeping myself to myself, I barely see or speak to anyone, why can't they just leave me alone?

I'm not a scrounger, never have been, never will be, but that's what i'm portrayed as, and people like me.

I try so hard NOT to let depression etc, rule my life, but it's all the seemingly little things that build up, that eat away at every last piece of self-respect, or anything slightly positive that I cling to.

When will this ever end?

Am I really worth nothing?

4 Replies

oldestnewest
  • I'm similar. I gave up my job a while back and I don't get any benefits because the judgement is worse than the hunger. Any system intended to help people that actually makes things worse than if they just did nothing is a broken system.

    But, the other day an old friend turnt up unannounced. Which naturally, scared the shit (sorry for French) out of me because I was not expecting the doorbell. But apparently he had heard from my ex partner of how I was doing. He had brought a bag with some things and he is still yet to leave.

    Moral is, even if you value yourself nil, even if you you have given up, hate yourself even, you matter to someone. Someone cares. Even if you don't think they do.

  • You are worth everything. Don't let the b******s grind you down. I know it's easier said than done, though. Just remember that you are NOT what they say you are, or what anyone else says you are. You are you and you are worth everything. With very best wishes for your happy future, Wendy x

  • Hi chelle1

    I don't know you but I think you are worth something & I believe in you too! The Dwp aim to make you feel crap & have so many hoops & obstacles for you to get over to get anything from them, especially money!! I worked for a number of years in a part of Dwp & they gave me such a hard time in my job, they made me feel worthless, useless & have a lot of time off sick due to this treatment! They ended up medically retiring me at age 39 & a lot of my illness was work related & other illnesses made worse because of their treatment of me!!

    It is hard going through the benefit process, & their aim is to make it as hard as is possible with all their endless forms and medicals, to the point where if you feel ill before you started filling the forms in, you felt a hell of a lot worse afterwards! I know how you feel & you're right they keep moving the goal posts, to make it as hard as they possibly can for anyone to claim! I have to pay for carers from the pittance they give me too, & this has doubled in the last 6 months, so I am living even more below the breadline month by month!!

    Have they offered you an appointment with a disability advisor? If they have one that is?!?

    You show you still have an internal inner strength & that's good, hold on in there! You are worth more than you feel or they make you feel you are!

    I too have to constantly have to try & deal with various forms they send & like you I have anxiety/depression & Borderline Personality Disorder!

    Try to take a day at a time & form at a time! You can ask CAB or speak to someone on the phone who can help you fill in the forms & then they send them to you to sign & or add anything extra, meds, Dr's letter, Consultant's letter, support workers/cpn's letter! Get as much info as you can to support yourself! It may help, who knows! Good Luck!

    Take Care spykey

  • Thank you spykey, i'm so sorry you were treated so poorly in your workplace, bang out of order. Hope you are feeling a little better?

You may also like...