If I am not going to kill myself, which is a decision I've come to only recently, then the bigger question is how will I navigate this life? Am I going to be disappointed with the life I lead because I won't be able to engage it full on? I feel as though I am weaker than others.
I barely know how to function as an adult. Every responsibility intimidates me. I don't have a fulfilling social interaction with others. It's as if I am merely an onlooker to everyone else's well-adjusted, joyous, fruitful, and unexamined lives. I am petrified of intimacy, I have no self-confidence. Things people take for granted like going on dates or writing an essay or editing a CV petrify me. I may live in this perpetual, humiliating half-life state indefinitely.