Need a little help

[smilelikeyoumeanit]

I feel like every time I post on this I'm being dramatic but right now I need all of the amazing advice you lot can give

After being with my boyfriend for nearly 2 years we broke up a couple of months ago, and it hurt, badly. I'm only 18 so it's not like this was a really grown up relationship but it was all I knew.

It was an abusive, controlling relationship which I why in the end I had to end it, but he had made me so dependent and reliant on him that I have now basically shut down.

I've lost every will to live and other things in my life have had a great impact on me feeling like this, if any of you have read my earlier posts you'll know.

I guess now I'm just stuck in this rut. I've given up with trying to get anywhere because I don't know where to go.

Any advice? Please help

[Jovb36]

I had a similar situation when I broke up with my v first boyfriend and I was like 26. I shut down totally. Didn't eat or sleep for weeks and cried constantly. Luckily I had an amazing family and great friends that pulled me through, making me do things and go places even though I was like a zombie and wasn't fun to be around. I found that just talking it out with good friends helped me get through the worst of it and gradually I began to feel stronger. I went back to work after a couple of weeks and actually had a holiday booked with friends, which I went on 4 weeks after the split...this really helped because I didn't want to be miserable around them and spoil their holiday, so I enjoyed myself the best I could and tried to forget what was going on back home. It is hard and it will take time to get over...infact it was probably the most emotional pain I'd ever felt (sorry for sounding dramatic 🙈) because my heart truly was broken. I know it's a cliche but time really is a healer. My advice would be to cut all ties and contact ( no matter how much it hurts ) and try and spend time with people that love and care for you. Everyday it will get a little bit better, I promise.

I'm always here if need to chat.

Take care xxx

[Olderal]

No you're not stuck in a rut.At 18 you'll bump out of the rut in no time .You leave being in ruts to we oldies .In a rut at 18 ! I've never heard such a thing !!

Sounds to me like you got lucky. Don't become one of those women who go from one abusive relationship to another .

You don't have to know where to go. Just take a wee rest and keep your head down for a month or two and life will find you again,probably more quickly than two months. I'm sure you're feeling a lot of pain but time is a great healer.

You've done the right thing by ending the relationship. You've loved and lost maybe for the first time. You'll love again soon ,and unless you're lucky might love and lose a few more times but eventually you'll find someone very special, at which stage you cross your fingers and hope this one works out. Which I hope it will but stay away from abusers.

Whatever you do don't give up or you might get into a rut before your time for them. Just stay alert so you know when life finds you again and if its more than two months go out and grab it by the scruff of the neck.

Olderal

[Hidden]

I'm so sorry you are going through this, smilelikeyoumeanit- I know how it feels,, like your world is ending. I have had two devastating relationships but I really was deeply in love, and having to end them was the most painful thing ever. It causes your self esteem to plummet, you feel lost and worthless.

What is going for you is that you had the wherewithal and self-awareness to realize this relationship was not good for you. This speaks to your strength and wisdom, even at 18. Some of us go through life repeating the same mistakes over and over, just getting in and out of abusive relationships like hopscotch from one to the other before we realize- hang on, wait a minute, I'm not actually happy! And I think I might deserve to be just a little bit happy and independent!

You deserve everything your heart desires, and you are a very brave person with a lot to offer the world. You have a lot of amazing life experiences ahead of you, friendships and relationships that will take you by surprise...

When my last relationship fell apart (he was an abusive alcoholic, who I felt like I had to babysit all the time, but he held all the financial purse strings so I was dependent on him, even having to wait at home for him to buy me groceries to make dinner) I heard a great saying and I put it on my fridge.

"Every jar has its lid". Meaning, every person has their soulmate or compatible other out there. It might sound cheesy but now I am in a relationship that is stable and loving and I really am grateful at 29 that I came out on the other side after the rollercoaster of relationships (some fun, don't get me wrong!) . Don't give up on yourself, hang in there and definitely turn to those who love and value you at this time. If you feel alone, and like there is no one to turn to that's ok too. Sometimes we all need a little alone time before amazing people can come into our lives.

Try to reclaim some of your identity, doing little things that you used to do before- for me that was writing, doing my makeup, blogging, singing and gardening.

The little things make such a difference as I'm learning. Even just a nice cup of cocoa and a movie can soothe that aching pain in your heart. Lots of love! Be kind to yourself and take care With time, the feelings will pass I promise.