Tomorrow is the first day at my new job. I am scared and don't know what to expect and how to behave. I wish I had somebody to explain things to me or at least a pause button for my life to get some time to think about a situation. Usually everything happens to quickly and all of a sudden I am in trouble. Shouting, crying, arguing ... total confusion and than I am fired or they start a disciplinary process and I don't get what is going on because I am still thinking "What the hack is going on?" They ask questions. No idea what to say. I know that words but most of means nothing or something what they seem not mean. That I usual agree to everything in order to get some space to think and most importantly some quietness. Meanwhile I answered some question which will only weakly recall afterwards but they insists I have said XYZ etc. Well in the end I am fired again and the process starts over again. New job, new catastrophes. Less self-esteem. More depression. More problems. More pressure. Tomorrow is the first day of my new job ...
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