feeling totally overwhelmed

Hello everyone

So many things are happening right now that I don't even know where to start. I was fired on Friday and got my things from the office yesterday. There haven't don't any paperwork yet and nobody of my colleges felt motivated to say a friendly farewell. I started looking for a new job and get bombarded with phone calls, technical test requests, phone interviews and lots of requests and emails. I was supposed to finish one project-test today but suddenly everything was gone and totally blacked out. Couldn't do the easiest thing. Tomorrow is already planned with even more stuff than today. I can't anymore. I was off sick some time before I got fired. I need a new job asap before I run out of money. I am still not fit for work and absolutely not fit for searching a job. They ask me simple questions on the phone and I can't even get my email address right. I can't think anymore. I want to cry and hide somewhere for the rest of eternity.



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17 Replies

  • That's so sad I really feel for you, could you get help from the job centre whilst you look for something, and get any benefits just while you are looking, it's probably not what you want right now, I would take your time and try not to get too stressed out, it's a hard one you have to face but it's good you are out of there, they didn't treat you very well and it's soul destroying, its done a lot of harm to your self esteem. I hope you get the results you need and this site will always be here to help you take care love Angela X

  • Hi I am sorry to hear this. There is no point in trying to look for a new job at the moment and if I was you I would get myself down to the doctors pronto and tell them. Ask for a sick note until you feel better.

    Tomorrow ring up the DWP at the contact centre to put a new claim in in for ESA (sickness benefit). You will have 7 days to forward the sick note. For details google Government site and it will come up. When you put the claim in they will ask for your income as well, and providing you qualify (ie you live on your own, with no other income and with savings less than £6,000) you will get housing benefit and council tax rebate. I know you don't feel like it at the moment but the sooner you do it the better as you will have some money coming in. Good luck. x

  • Telephone no. 0800 055 6688. I am not sure if you can fill it in online or not. Click on this link gov.uk/ Go into benefits. Ok? x

  • Thank you for your reply and the advice. I know about those options and already filled in some forms to get this started but i have to wait for the paperwork from my employer to complete it.

    I'm in contact with my doctor but they have no clue how to help me asides writing sick notes and refer me to the IAPT service - who also have no clue how to help me. I thin I am to complex for them. They don't know how to speak to me which does not refer to a language barrier.

  • Sorry Rachel I put the info in coz so many people don't know about it. I hope it didn't come across as patronising.

    I wish you luck with the counselling. x

  • no worries. i don't take it personal. it is a good advice.

  • Hello Rachel

    I have looked through your first thread and I feel it important that you talk to your GP as soon as you can, I feel He may recommend medications in this case and they may take an extended period of about three or four weeks before you will feel any benefit from their taking. The problem there is they will dumb down that edge you will need when looking for another job and I feel you will need assistance in looking for an additional posting, work..

    I do not know what if any reciprocal health and work plans your country has with the UK. I would advise you talk with the Employment Office, they May be able to assist you on moving on into that new job.

    You have not explained what has caused this depression so it may also be advisable that your GP will suggest some talking therapy so you can approach your problems and move on in a more positive attitude.

    Good Luck, we are always around if you need too talk


  • Hello BOB

    thanks for your reply. I live in London. The fact that I have a depression is some sort of automatically. It comes with the package. I have autism. I am constantly on the edge. The sensory problems with sounds, vision, smells etc. are stressing me all the time. It is very common for people like to get depression as I tick 70-80% of the depression boxes by default and this is when I am fine.

    I might also have an underling physical problem which is about to get checked soon.

    For many people with autism antidepressants don't work or cause lots of side effects. There were some studies but not a lot. I had problems in the past with antidepressants. My brain works differently so its to risky to take something. I have the same problems with other medication so I don't usually take tablets asides penicillin.

  • Hello Rachel,

    Your Autism and AD medications will need to be assessed to find out the best pathway for you.

    I have a condition that affects my short term memories and my medication scrips are at this time been reassessed to find if any drugs are making my condition worse. This takes time and can cause quite a bit of worry especially when we have other chronic conditions that need to be considered.

    When it comes to problems with the brain some ADs are questionable, your only way forward to you is discuss your medications at the Surgery. You need this to happen ASAP as it can take time to find the best drugs in your case.

    Always around


  • RacheIn, Not enough information to give you much help except for the good practical advice already given in some replies. It sounds as if you work in an area where your skills are needed if you've just started looking for a new job and are being bombarded which raises the question why your last company let you go.Surely not for being sick.

    I agree with the advice already given, step back and take a few days at minimum to think and if possible get yourself in shape to start job applications.There have been a lot of posts recently from people in trouble mainly because they had your perfectly natural desire to want to cry and hide. I'm sure that you learned from school and early in life that running and hiding will buy you peace for a short while but very quickly everything gets much worse than if you faced reality . I'm sure you know this and will face reality.

    By all means take a break but use that time to think things through and if necessary to see your GP for some help in coping with your present stresses.

    There is absolutely no point in starting a new job while in your current state of mind as you'll likely get a repeat of what happened in the last job, even if you could get one in your current state. If you are still ill sorting this is your first priority,not another job.What are you going to do ,start the new job and immediately go sick ?

    If you are not ill then take at least a few days to calm down and get yourself into shape for getting a new job. Getting fired is not a nice experience and any one would need at least a week ,probably a while longer before thinking of applying for a new job.

    Keep posting on how you are doing and we'll try and reply helpfully. That will be difficult if you're hidden for eternity.


  • Rachel, Just read your first post which I should have done earlier. As a software developer in the London area the jobs will still be there when you get yourself well.

    I understand your reasons for not wanting to take antidepressants and that's OK but its quite possible in fact likely, that without taking them your depression will last longer making it impossible to work. Anti ds may have been tested on animals but I doubt that and in any case any that you are prescribed will not be being tested on animals as they are being used on us , the people with depression, so there is no need for animal tests. Apart from checking that a drug has no poisonous effects there is no point in testing ads on animals as there would be no way of knowing whether thay were working or not.

    If money pressures mean you need to work as soon as possible then you need to recover as soon as possible. Ads are probably the quickest route to recovery and they will take a few weeks to work at best. As much as we would all love one there just is n't any way that any one can instantly recover from depression, and start work the next week.

    If you keep posting we can almost certainly help your recovery and will do so but depression is difficult and you need to help yourself by not ruling out the best treatments.


  • Hello Olderal

    I am a software engineer and I have the skills most companies are looking for. My current/ex employee would need those skills as well. I was told that am a very good developer and very intelligent etc. Well they fired me anyway. I think that's because of my autism. This brilliant skill set comes with a high price and they where not willing to "pay" for it. I need a very quiet place, a specific way of communication (mainly for task and meetings) and most important a workplace mentor/buddy to talk to every day.

    I had the same problem when leaving my previous job and I started the current/last job in the same state of mind but i could cover it for some time. My employer knew from the first day about my conditions (autism, depression, anxiety disorder and regular panic attacks). My panic attacks are caused by some sounds and overloads.

    This hiding wish is default. I always want to hide away and see not humans, hear no sounds. Being only with me and my thoughts to dwell on. In this state I have lots of ideas and get really creative. I would need a blanket in my workplace to throw over me to create a think-tent. I don't know think that any workplace would allow this.

  • Rachel , I think it is possible that in return for your skills some employers might meet the conditions you work best in. I hope so.

    At the moment you are carrying too much. Depression, the need to find a new job, and a partner who is not earning and relies financially on you. You are trying to carry all this without letting yourself take the pills that could possibly help you. You can not carry the world. Just as in software there is a sequence to follow.

    First you must recover from depression (and later find a way of coping with it if it recurs ) . My advice is to make the decision to take anti depressants. I don't know what part of the internet is putting you off them but most information sites for depression would say you need them. You say that your partner is against you taking them. Ignore this ,you are the one doing the carrying not your partner. I do not think that ads in use are tested on animals and anyway you also are an animal in pain at present and just as important ,in fact more important, than considering other animals. It is time in my opinion your partner did some of the load carrying , instead of obstructing you.

    If you can overcome slightly the wish to hide away (this may be possible if you learn to see all your colleagues as mentors and friends ) this will be a much better way of facing the world.

    Good software developers are often slightly unusual people and often companies will make some effort to try and allow for this. But you also must try and meet them halfway. AT 39 you have many years to work and you need to find a way to solve this problem. Maybe you could work for yourself on contract. This would give you many of the conditions you want but of course no mentor.You can't have everything and need to try to cooperate to some extent with your employers, many of whom will try to help you too.


  • Rachel I am so sorry you are going through a rough spell...it may be hard to believe NOW...but honest... you will get past this.... Just take one day at a time. The others have given you excellent advice.... I am basically going to say the same thing... you need to go to your dr as soon as possible...Be PAINFULLY HONEST about just exactly how you feel.... I am sure he or she will be of help,..,,.and the org. that Cough talked about sounds great... Good luck with this.... Don't come down on yourself... You ARE doing the best you can! Sending you love and a hug and all good wishes! Keep in touch!


  • Hello BettyA

    thanks for your reply. Well the last couple of times when I went to my doctor I was always honest and I got referred to IAPT (takes ages to get an assessment team and psychiatry (said i would be case for the IAPT team without seeing or talking to me). I had an assessment with the IAPT team and was told to be refereed to big-white-wall where I might get some counselling sessions on skype (they didn't sent any link or referral to big-white-wall) and come back when I had those counselling session that I might get some CBT sessions. About the CBT sessions I already know there offer 6 or 12 sessions and you have to wait a long time. In the past I waited 18 months for a 20 session therapy which had the effect of warm bubble bath. You feel better for an hour but get dirty again pretty soon afterwards.

  • Hello Rachel

    I would still advise you to talk with your GP and Employment Office they have a section that helps us get back into work and will also be able to arrange for someone at work to act as a Workplace Mentor.

    NAS, NATIONAL AUTISTIC SOCIETY can advise and give assistance in the settling in a new post. They have a good section for those who suffer Autism and ways how to get over difficulties when people are unable to relate to this unpleasant condition. The Job Centre will most probably be able to discuss difficulties with GP and NAS

    It would be a shame if you are unable to progress in your chosen field as I understand you will be very good at what you do and many employer would miss out on the quality of your work

    NAS is on the web, so contact them and see if they can help you

    Keep us informed, we are here to help


  • Sorry I ticked "like" to this reply. It just made me laugh when you said that the sessions had the effect of a luke warm bubble bath and the explanation thereof. You obviously have a huge amount of skills and a great sense of humour; I agree with the other posters. Take your time, go sick and yes people will always want your skills and if they are really as good as you say they will provide the right environment for you. Isn't it against the Equality Act of 2010 NOT TO? by the way? Maybe you want to look into this as they should make "reasonable adjustments" for any condition/ disability and this includes autism of course. Hope you're a bit calmer today. I can only sit back in amazement at how you've coped so far as even the smallest percentage of what you are going through would "floor me". So give yourself a pat on the back for still being halfway ok even if you're not fully ok. There is a lot of stress on you.

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