Do I rely on people too much?

I'm sorry everyone, posting in here again. I just feel really bad at the moment, and like I'm relying on one housemate too much. He is the nicest person ever and I love him very much - not in that way, he's got a girlfriend and I know he's firmly off limits so I've never been attracted to him, which I think is good in a way as I think maybe the reason we are so close is because there's no worries about mixed messages or anything, but I digress - he's amazing, and so supportive all the time, and I just feel bad the amount of times I'm going on stressing about this assessment centre thing tomorrow and feeling the need to tell him every little development in my life or my thoughts when he's probably just thinking get a grip, jesus christ, and I don't know. I feel like you can't always talk to someone all the time as it's not really fair on them having to deal with it, and obviously he says it's fine as you can't help the way you feel, but then he can't really flat out tell me to shut up or anything really, can he? I don't know. Or maybe I just say that if he ever gets annoyed with me to tell me because I know he won't tell me and then that gives me validation and urgh. Feelings. I also still don't have my seven minute lesson planned for tomorrow and I don't understand and now I'm panicking, but then another route came up and just urgh. And then whilst I've been distracted with this, I'm not doing my work, and I'm really tired, so I can't focus, and urgh. I'm sorry everyone, I know you all have real problems to be dealing with and then there's me like 'I haven't written an essay again'. I was trying really hard to be positive and motivated this term, and that work until about Monday this week where my mood just crashed and I just can't bring myself to do anything, and I'm too distracted with tomorrow.

8 Replies

  • It is very difficult not to rely on people as we generally need to have someone in our lives even if we choose a very solitary life. Maybe you shouldn't worry too much about your house mate as you are not stopping him from going out and leading his normal life and he seems more than happy to talk and reassure you from time to time.

    But are you seeing your doctor about why you are so anxious and what you can do to help this, you need to find something that can take the edge off this so that you can concentrate and focus on your studies, otherwise your mind will remain all over the place. Try medication and relaxation techniques, they can sometimes help a little, hypnosis can also help, but above all this its best to talk it over with the experts so they can help. Good luck with your essay x.

  • Hi,

    I haven't gone to see the doctor, because I don't think it's a 'real' issue in the sense that there's not really much they can do and I don't want to waste their time; not when there's people with real problems that need seeing to, and I don't think it's a good idea to take medication for what is probably essentially a problem with my thought processes.

    Disclaimer: please, no one be offended at that, I'm not saying that these sorts of problems in general should not be dealt with by doctors, if you think you have a real need for medical attention and medication, than you absolutely should go and see someone, I personally just don't think my problem is 'doctor-worthy' so to speak.

    Thank you so much for your advice.

  • Wow you are wound up so your not use to having a best friend that you can offload deep secrets to or ramble on about nothing just coz you need to that's sad me and my best friend do it every day talk about rubbish just to offload the days stress but when it's serous we pay attention stay up all night comfort eachother and return the favour me and my friend have been doing this for the past 20yrs we are both married and we know more than our husbands e.g if I put anything else other than I'm ok my friend knows I'm not ok even if I put fine she knows it's rubbish coz out of all our friendship I always put I'm ok (considering what health issues I have I'm doing ok) if my friend is quite that's not normal. So your friend is just letting you talk he is listening but he has his own way of dealing with big news.

  • Thank you,

    I suppose I never thought of it like that, that that's just what friends do. I felt bad as I feel like I'm leaning too much on him, and I've kind of used up my 'quota' for the month/ year. I kind of have this thought that you can't rely on people all the time and then you've got to leave it a good few months before you then go back to them again or else it's just going to be tiring for them.

  • Your welcome and friends are funny that way there always there when you need them

  • I can c where u r coming from. I live with my 88yr old mum. I still need her and will b devastated when she dies. I am stuck between being treated as her baby and her carer, as she ages. I always get too attached to people and this has damaged me in the past and made me trust less, which is a great shame cos not new people's fault.

    I suffer from feeling rejected and abandoned as part of my borderline personality disorder.

  • sweety we all need people we all look after one another in different ways you sound like a very caring and kind person with a big warm heart all the best with your essay

  • We all need someone to talk to there is nothing wrong with that...As long as you are getting support from other areas and can get some of it from self help there is no problem.

    You do seem to be saying that your relying on him to much so is it possible you are

    He may not be there forever , there will come a point he will move out and make a life somewhere else for himself so its possible he may not be able to give you that same support need to make sure you have other things in your life to turn too for support

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