A day in my shoes

Hi campers I've had a few rough days and nights, I do OCD rituals everyday from waking to sleeping, have umpteen panick attacks per day, feel I'm dyeing to scared to sleep electric shocks in my head waking with sheer panick and gasping for air,sleep paralysis awake but cant move, de personalization wake and my wallpaper is different confusion of what I'm doing and why, sensation of not being in my body, looking at oneself outside, close my eyes and see a mirror like image but water and when it clears I'm in a room carpets doors pictures and people comming towards me shouting talking but i cant he's what they're saying. Leaves me feeling like I'm drained and immensely exhausted. When it happens, I cannot leave the house alone apart from local shop 120 steps there and same back that can take me several attempts to get there and buy what I need in bulk to minimize the times I have to go. Anything beyond that is a no go. My home is my safety zone beyond this its sheer panick confusing, I tried this once and went beyond 300 steps I had a terrifying experience my home felt miles away I was gasping for air felt like I was going to pass out, I tried to pull a taxi to get me round the corner he laughed and pulled off, I tried knocking on someone's door to ask for help and got the door shut in my face, I was in a right state but managed to get home people walked passed me I might as well have been invisible or they thought I was a looney. But I just needed help and no one cared, no disrespect to anyone in a wheelchair or physically disabled as we can see and help when in need, physic ally I look fine but mentally I'm a dysfunctional wreck and invisible cos no one can see what is happening in my head, but mental health is just as disabling unfortunately for us sufferers', but needs to be taken seriously, WE NEED TO BE SEEN TOO AND HEARD. just take a walk in our shoes for a day, god help them. Rant over xxx mandy😞

18 Replies

  • Hi Mandy I'm sorry that your going through such a hard time at the moment. I used

    To suffer terribly from anxiety and panic too, but the anxiety seems t have got much

    Much better as I have gotten older, if that's any consolation to you. I am 66 now and

    Am on Antidepressants.

    I'm not sure what t say except that I understand how you feel, and it's so true Depression and Anxiety is such an invisible illness, no one know the suffering except

    The sufferers.

    Mandy message me anytime for a natter, as I feel for you,

    Warm hugs


  • Ty I'm just fed up of us not being acknowledged at times including docs and society, its most certainly an illness non of us has set upon ourselves or asked for it just happens, and we need recognising its disabling for many. Xx mandy😊

  • Its the young ones I feel for, I've had it for 35 yrs, learnt to accept as part of my life, but still have bad times and find it hard to fight hannah, when I was a child their was no such thing as adhd or autism no disrespect to them at all but mental illness was shoved under the carpet back then and seems is still im just thankfull I wasn't put a mental institute when I was 14, but these youngsters I wore about in this century need answers and reassurance, not ohh it's just a passing fase or hormone's its an illness, they deserve to understand and get help with, I was 25 before I went to the doctors 11years of being alone and scared to tell anyone. I know they're looking at mental illness as a disability just recently, far too late for me but the youngsters I hope will get the help I cried out for but didn't all those years ago xxx Mandy 😐

  • hi Mandy its sound like your in a horror movie, my friend i can't think of what you must have been going though, its a shame that people just look at you and start to think all wrong thoughts, and as for the taxi driver he want reporting. its all right for people to look on the outside of someone the outside is working right and like you said unless your in a wheel chair they can't see what's going of inside the body. oh my friend Mandy i wish there was something i could do to help apart from texting i feel as thought my hands are tired take care my friend you know i'm always here for you your friend Alan xx

  • Ty Alan I'm ok you know me had a rough few days but ill pull through its the ones just starting with it that bothers me, they're crying out and no ones listening, society has come up on leaps and bounds but not for mental illness, I've got my appointment with pip next week and panicking about panicking dunno why but worth a shot as esa turned me down so dont have a prayer really with pip, but ill tell you something if it gets me nowhere in gonna put my point forward for the sake of others new to this Alan, I'm going to go for them not me, and buoy o buoy will i have my say after all these years suffering. That things need to change people end their lives with this and they should not have too it needs sorting I'm so angry and frustrated on this subject, its a disibility not just in our heads, for the sake of others in gonna do it someone needs too xx Mandy 😠

  • Also Alan my wonderful next door neighbour ken whose 89 yrs old has had a fall and is in northern general broke his hip, op today I'm so worried about him, I was in there for 4 weeks and i saw how they handled the elderly, i was 44 tried it with me hmm yeah scaffolding or no scaffolding up my legs erm can sort myself ty vm hmm she didn't give.me any painkillers that night so I signed myself out, nurse from hell, makes me so worried ken on same ward I feel for him he is a very independent fellow this is going to crusify him. He not family but thats me I wore soo much about him in there. Xxx Mandy sort haven't mess you been in a mess xx 😐 not so happy Mandy at the moment Alan my friend xx

  • hi Mandy sorry to hear about yoiur neighbor hope he recovers quickly i had a friend about two years ago now was in there having a tumor removed from the top of his spine and he came out o.k, but different thing do happen but remember i'm here if needed to help you out take care speak to you soon your friend Alan xxxx

  • Ty xx

  • hi Mandy your welcome speak to you later take care Alan xx

  • hi Mandy can i just say this that three people that i've spoken to have had to go for PIP and they have won there case, and just like them i'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers. what makes me mad is all those that claim it and don't need it. anyway its nice to here from you, did you get my picture i send you, hope its not that has given you these bad days take care speak to you soon your friend Always Alan xx

  • No Alan my comp had to be rebooted and put back to factory settings and still doesn't work grrr I've given up cant afford a new one lol till after crimbo lol 😁 our lee lee left home last week his brother got him job in marriot Birmingham xx and gave him a room in his house aww just me Karl n Chris now so quiet, I've just started up doing infinity mirrors lol making my big lad ash one for Christmas lol he was gonna pay £200 for one n I've done one for less than £50 just materials obviously not charging but git orders galore coming inn for them, plus light up table decorations. And table runners with lights sewn in so busy busy I love making stuff. I'm am very creative lol so need another comp for advertising them lol 😁 if I can work from home I'm happy chappie, hate not doing anything xxxx mandyxx 😁💗

  • hi Mandy just let know know when your up and running and i'll send you another, hope you get a new one soon take care your friend Alan xx

  • Hello Mandy

    Sounds bad, what does your GP say about this you need treatment to control your panic attacks

    Mental Health Patients all suffer the same problems and generally we always possibly can try to hide the problems that we suffer from.

    What has caused your problem fear and anxiety can be treated, although over an extended period. I understand you suffer from depression as well.

    Would Anxiety Support help as well as here ?.


  • Hi Mandy. I'm REALLY sorry to read about happened to you. I'm also very much saddened that you've had some rough days lately.

    I once heard a story that cars drove drive AROUND a man who had collapsed in an underground shopping centre carpark. I seriously couldn't believe it when I heard. I still struggle with that memory. I don't know WHY they didn't stop to help. I found out later that he had suffered a heart attack. I was told that he passed away that night in hospital. And then you get the opposite happening with people risking their lives to save others. Here in Sydney, Australia, a man suddenly stepped off the platform and fell onto the tracks (semi-conscious). Suddenly, one lone woman, ditched her backpack and jumped onto the tracks to help pull him up. Another woman reached down to help her. Together they managed to pull the man to safety. What they did was put their lives at risk to save a stranger since there was a train only minutes away from them. It wasn't a suicide attempt. He wasn't drunk. He did however have a health condition that was not visible.

    At this point in time, I don't really know how I feel about our world and the people who populate it. I'd like to think that if I found myself in a serious state, that SOMEone, ANYone, would stop to lend a helping hand. I know I would and have done so in the past on many occasions. I think it's just natural instinct with me because I tend to act first and think later especially if I see someone in need of assistance.

    In terms of Dr's? Heck!!! Better not get me started ... grrrrrr! THEY, MORE than any group of health-care professionals have contributed to making me sicker than I should be by prescribing drugs that actually clash with one another. I learnt the hard way, I really did. This is why I STRONGLY urge people to do a double-check with their pharmacists BEFORE they start taking their meds. Phew ... personal rant over :-)

    But anyway, this world needs MORE people like you who are happy to advocate for young people suffering from mental health issues. Courtesy of the web, folks don't actually need to leave their homes anymore. All they need to do is create a blog/YouTube account/write letters etc, etc. A message can now be sent right around the world in practically less than a heart-beat. How wild is that!?! :-D Let your voice be heard Mandy!

    Sending you a big Aussie hug and best wishes!

    Elizabeth xo

  • ty

  • Hi Mardy,

    You are right. I have suffered from anxiety and depression for only 2 years, well that is when I was diagnosed. I fought the treatment and was in denial cause I knew what would happen.

    Now I am feeling stronger, but my husband left me for another woman cause of how I was and I can't get a job either on even packing shelves in the local supermarket.

    The ad campaign on TV hasn't helped and I found that some so called friends were even nasty to me, including someone that suffers with her own issues, but that is different apparently cause it is arthritis that cause her other issues.

    I am also amazed at the number of people who have spoken to me who have their own depression and anxiety issues but are afraid to tell anyone.

    I think you are amazing to have posted this and determined to get out the house once in a while. I hope you celebrate that achieve mentioned every time you do it.

    Thank you, you have reminded me today of all the little rituals I had to do to even get out of bed a few months ago and how far I have come.

    I hope you have a big success soo and you can get your dreams under control as well. I used to dream that I was awake looking at my body screaming at myself to wake up, but I couldn't move and the bad dream I was trying to escape from would still be playing in the back ground. Still get that occasionally but not so often now. It is really scarey when it happens.

    Take care and good luck to all your successes.

  • ty thats lovely xxx mandy

  • I get lost on this site. Cant find where I have been or replys to stuff I joined in on. Bad day. Notvslept. Supposed to go to drive to work in a few hours. Are there any drugs to help me sleep. Bad place

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