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I've just turned 21. I have a 3 year old little girl. I lost my job in july, my nana was diagnosed a year ago with terminal cancer and towards the end of her life it became to much for me to deal with and I started ringing in work making excuses then i got too scared to ring in sick and ended up having to leave. I split up with my little girls dad two year ago but over the past 2-3 month we became very close again. My nana passed away on the 31st of August with just me by her side. I was fine the first few weeks then everything just seemed to go down hill about 2 weeks ago. I've always lived with my nana and grandad, but my grandad went to Cyprus the day after her funeral, so basically I'd been left alone. I was struggling to sleep in the house where all my memories with her have been where I grew up so I chose to go and stay at my other half, I found out he had been meeting other people last week but chose to forgive him if it stopped. It all got to much when I he told me he had too leave me on monday because he was in love with someone else. I broke down big time, I drank all night to the point I coukdnt walk then tried to overdose, luckily he found me as I done it and rushed me to hospital. my mam came the next morning to drop my little girl off then took her away when she seen the mess I was in. I've spent everyday in bed and I really don't know what to do. I found this site when I posted asking for help on a nhs site and a member of staff emailed me this link. I don't know if I'm supposed to feel like this one minute I'm so angry and I'm screaming, the next I'm crying then I'm laughing like it's all some joke. Youse probably just think I'm stupid but I feel like I have nobody.

Thanks for reading anyway

Emily xx

11 Replies

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  • Hi Emily and welcome, I'm really sorry that you are having such a tough time,

    Any one of those things would be very hard to bear. Grief and. Job loss

    And a breakup, Emily it's very natural to be feeling upset and please don't

    Feel that you are stupid, you are very young still and it's natural to make

    A mistake or wrong decision.

    Now please get yourself to a GP as you are young and you need support, Now

    I don't mean to be harsh but you must let that boyfriend go, you have one child

    And you dont want another child like him to look after . Please please focus on

    Getting well and your child, you will pull through it as you have taken the first

    Step by reaching out for help.

    This Forum will be supportive and caring and so please dont feel alone, take it

    In baby steps, Get yourself well and then back to work and things will take

    On a different light, Grief is tough and it takes time and it's not something that

    You can hurry unfortunately, think of the good memories of your Nana and get well,

    She would want that.

    I'm usually around if you need a chat. Warmest hugs to you Emily, as I feel

    For you as you are so young

    Hannah x

  • Hi Emily, you are such a wonderful and courageous young lady. Not only you have analysed your situation pretty well,you also have put it very well. A difficult childhood had left its mark on your psyche,which is compounded by some very sad and traumatic events in your life.

    You have opened your heart, and this means that you are aware of the situation. It also emphasises your intense desire to overcome the problem. It is very very encouraging.

    Please do not dwell in the past.what is gone is gone. Look for the bright Sunshine of tomorrow and put a small smile on your face and take a determined step into the wonderful world. It is eagerly waiting for you with open arms.

    May GOD bless you.

  • Emily,

    I'm so sorry you have been through such a traumatic time. As Hannah has said its natural to feel upset and despair when you have suffered such loss and feelings of rejection etc. I don't think anyone would think you are stupid but you are very vulnerable at the moment.

    Please go and see your GP and talk honestly about how you are feeling and ask for help. Is there anyone you can rely on for support or to talk too? Friends or family? I know you said you feel like you have nobody but is there anyone?

    I'm not sure whether your boyfriend was your daughter's father who you had recently become close to again or someone else. If it was someone else then you can at least walk away thinking what a lucky escape you had - you may not feel this now but hopefully you will at some point. If it was your daughter's father then I'm assuming you will need to maintain some contact for the sake of your daughter.

    At the moment put yourself and your daughter first. You need to get yourself on a more even level and dealing with grief is hugely painful.

    Baby steps. First thing to do is ring your GP.

    Sarah X

  • hello, thank you so much for the support. i had all sorts of plans last night i was going to get up and get back to normality. of course that hasn't happened because its not that simple. BUT i did wake up this morning, i went downstairs made myself some breakfast, cleaned around the house. i haven't left the house or my bed since Tuesday so it may not seem a lot to anybody but i feel like i've made a bit of progress.

    im going to ring my gp first thing monday morning, im also thinking about asking to change gp's as mine makes me feel quite uncomfortable and i dont feel like i can talk to her.

    I have an amazing family they always offer me support and help, but i just dont feel as though i can let everything out to them. I was thinking about asking for counselling because id prefer to talk to someone i don't know so i know it will stay confidential.

    Em xx

  • I'm not being patronising as I know how hard it is when you hit bottom and don't want to get out of bed. So well done for getting up, eating and cleaning the house up a bit. A huge achievement. Honestly I understand. Getting back to 'normal' ( whatever that is) will take some time so don't push or punish yourself if you don't achieve what you want. Be kind to yourself. I can understand not wanting to speak to family and I also found a counsellor easier to speak to, but just having someone round to have a cup of tea with can help...you don't need to tell them anything you don't want to - a cup of tea and a hug can be wonderful.

    Good luck for Monday,

    Sarah x

  • It is very sensible decision to talk to a councillor,so also is your decision to talk to someone you don't know. I always knew you to be very intelligent.

  • Hi Emily well done on making progress, it will happen in fits and starts, so be kind to yourself even if you feel it's one step forward and two steps

    Back at times.

    I agree that it's important to have a GP who you can relate to and

    Feel at ease with. Counselling sounds like a good start. Family are great but

    Often them being too involved being they are not as objective as a

    Counsellor would be. I have found this with my own family, they all

    Start giving their three pence halfpenny worth, and often the advice does

    Not suit the person needing help.

    Good luck, and keep it up and you will make progress.

    Hannah

  • hi em im sorry to here of your sad loss as ive just lost my mother a couple weeks ago ! i find im more upset than i thought i would be but ive got a great support network ! emily you will get better in time or so every body tells me if you dont have a. localised network to help you the people on this forum are really great at giving support two people come to mind are hannah and sara ive had reason to use this forum recently so thank you to all the people who give there time to try and help others ! take care all david

  • Hi Emma, wow!! Youve had a lot to contend with. Boy believe me most people would go down the same road as you and hide away, curl up and feel like giving up! Well love you are aloud time to do that ok. You need to build up strength and resilients. But it takes along time! Your grieving the loss of three people. Your lovely nana, your grandad going to Cyprus and your partner deserting you when you need so much support. I'm glad you have a good family around you, and as you say sometimes talking to an outsider is easier. You understand what's needed and that's a step in the right direction. Take each day at a time. Don't feel bad if you back track, your human. You need lots of love and hugs and sometimes your thoughts can jumble and it's a struggle to make sense of everything!! Be kind to yourself, your going through a lot of deep pain. Make an appointment with your doctor and if needed write every feeling you feel on paper and hand it to him or her. I did, and it helped me as I knew if I talked I would go to peaces. They will push you in the right direction. Baby steps. And you will get there. It won't be easy love. But we are all here to offer help and support. Let me know how you get on. Message me anytime ok. I'm thinking of you. Much love xxxxxxx

  • I woke up yesterday morning with the most gorgeous little girl next to me and thought "wow I am so lucky!" She's all the motivation I need to get back on track. We got up had our breakfast and cuddled on the sofa. I got the paints out and done some pictures with her Then left her to it while I done all my ironing and cleaned the house! Tomorrow is another day and I understand I might go back over but I'll get there eventually even if it takes months or years. I'm at the doctors tomorrow. If Im feeling up for it on Tuesday I'm going to take little one ice skating, if not there's always another day. Since I written this post I've felt so much better just telling people and getting it out. And the support of youse is amazing, Thank you so much. You've made me realise I am a strong young woman and I can overcome this!

    Oh and I've spoke to my grandad and asked him to come home, he's back Wednesday 😊

    Thanks again everyone 💕 xxxxx

  • Hi there Emma,

    I really felt for you, reading your first post, and I'm glad that you're starting to feel OK again. I would really like to congratulate you on your first post as you described yourself and your situation in such an honest and mature way; I'm pretty sure I couldn't have done so at your age.

    If you need continuing support, two things spring to mind. The first would be to ask your GP (did you decide to change GP, after all?) if he can refer you to your health visitor. I'm not sure what the cut-off age for health visitors is, post-natally, but it might be worth outlining your difficulties and see if you are eligible...another charity which may operate in your area is Homestart-they are a great source of support for young families. Go to their website-http://www.home-start.org.uk- and enter your postcode to see what is available in your area. They may also be able to refer/signpost you to other people who can offer practical or moral support. I'm glad you have family around to offer you love and support, and you'll probably benefit from meeting and being around other young Mums, when you feel able to take that step. Good luck and thanks for sharing your troubles with us here, I would like to say someone will always be around whenever you feel the need of us again. Best wishes Sara

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