Lying??!!!

Hi guys right back again. As this is affecting the way I am I need some second opinions, I went on holiday a little while ago. I left my boyfriend at my mums house with my brother(which has bipolar) I got a message off him whilst I was out there saying he had a girl around and they just chilled. Didn't think much off it as I was on holiday. I come back he was acting so weird with me. Anyway 6 months have passed and my brother told my mum randomly one day he heard my boyfriend and this girl having sex. Off course I went mad confronted him and he said he didn't do it. That my brother was lying. I always had something at the back of my mind that I didn't like. A weird feeling but never really took much notice. Then went my mum told me I asked why no one had said anything. My family are compulsive liars and will do anything so I'm wrapped around there little finger. So now I'm stuck between my family and him. I don't know Who to believe. I sit up all night thinking about it I can't sleep eat or anything. Opinions would be great.

6 Replies

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  • Hi,

    I think lying is quite a harsh word, and I'm not sure that this is what is going on here. Many people wouldn't tell someone something that they thought would upset them. There are many reasons for this. Sometimes people don't like to cope with the emotions of the other person, sometimes they think it is non of their business, sometimes they are unsure of what has happened so they say nothing. Ultimately this is between you and your boyfriend.

    You said you noticed a change in your

    boyfriend when you returned. Do you believe that nothing happened while you were away? If something did happen, is it significant enough to break up the relationships? What reason would your family have to say something happened when it didn't? If something did happen and your boyfriend lied is that OK? If something didn't happen and your family lied, how do you feel about it? Could they have been mistaken?

    We want to believe the people we love. Your problem is that people you love are saying different things.

    I find it difficult to believe that your boyfriend would have sex with a girl when at your families house, but people do that.

    I can understand your reasons for feeling, caught between people you care about. There are two people saying it did happen and your boyfriend saying it didn't.

    I'm sorry this has happened to you. It is always difficult when caught between your family and your boyfriend.

    I can only hope I've helped a little.

    Ally

    We want to believe the pe

  • Hi

    I completely agree with Ally. Trust your instinct and have a frank talk with your boyfriend and if it is something you can forgive and get over then do it I know how it is when you are in the middle of it and often it is unclear.

    Who was the girl that was with him and why did he invite her to hang out with him? Ask him and be clear of your doubts

    Once it's clear close this chapter finally and in future fights don't bring this subject up close it in such a way

    Hope you happiness in future and remember nothing can beat honesty if there is some doubt be open about it

  • Hello

    Some would say give your Man the benefit of the doubt. Sad to say I cannot understand your family, one says He has direct proof in his eyes that your boyfriend has had a fling in your Parents house when you were away. Personally I cannot understand why and how this was thought ok if this did happen, this would show disrespect towards you and your family. If that is the case a seed of doubt has been set and this will possibly cause negative feeling with you and this relationship. This could rot any feelings over time and you will be unable to move on with this partner.

    Again I cannot imagine your Parents allow this to happen in your/their home and if it had they should feel a lack of trust between your Partner and your Parents. You say your Brother told you. What type of relationship do you have there. Has He anything against you or your Partner ? As everyone else does not know what happened.

    All I can suggest is you either accept the situation, and shut up or if you have any doubts , it may be best to start again with someone new.

    The problem is when this happened to me it ate me up and possibly if trust is gone it is hard to return to that time of innocence. If you marry and it keeps coming back to bite both of you, your life together will eventually fail as you may start to mull over that period of time

    So put up or find a way to put your mind at rest. If this cannot be done, look for another person to spend your Life with.

    Sorry

    BOB

  • Thank you for your opinions, it's a weird situation. I don't know if it's because of the way my family are that put something in my head before and made me paranoid, they never liked me being with him they hated him, always tried to make me leave him. I go on holiday and then come back and a few months down the line this happens, I'm stuck in a weird dilemma I'm trying to get other people's opinions to see what else I can do. It weren't until a few weeks ago when I was speaking to a friend about it that he said he definitely did something it's in a males nature. So that set me off again that's when I spoke to my mum and she then told me. I'm stuck and I hate it I want the whole truth and nothing more but I don't know how to approach it.

  • Hi,

    I just wanted to add that you can ask lots of people and they will all give you very different answers, suggestions and perspectives. That can make it even harder to understand how you feel and what is going on.

    In families there is always a lot of baggage that comes from growing up and I include the adults in this.

    In the end it is always about how you feel about it. Is it ok, if he cheated? Some people have open relationships but that applies to both people, it is not the sort of relationship that would suit me but some people are ok with it. How would he react if you had a holiday fling?

    I hate it when men say that cheating is built into their nature. It disrespects all the men who are tempted but don't cheat. It not only disrespects the person who is cheated on but also the person that cheated with them. I sort of think it is natural to find other people interesting but it is what you do about it when you are in a relationship that matters.

    I'm not sure if that helps or adds to the confusion.

  • Hi, you have not said why he had this girl round in the first place !!!! Should he have even invited her to YOUR house ( knowning you was away ) i think you know the answer yourself but just can't face up to it, get rid of him and move on, it will be hard at first but best to get hurt now, than this happening again, very best of luck let me know how you get on, take care

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