Hurt beyond reasonable

There was a lot of hurt i couldnt deal with in my past

it has accumlated and now it put me in some kind of frozen state

that the only way i can remain alive is that i stay still

try and neutrellize as mahy threats as possible even if theyre

not as scary as they seem. Its they only was to survive. My anxiety

threshold is off the roof. Im always certain im going to die. For some reason whatever it may be. Thats my day to day reality. It all started for a reason. There was a starter event. And from there i was never the same. Then, i did a poor job of maintaining my energies. Got into abusive relatonships when i already low. I think those predators took advantage of that fact. One of which was a guy i loved for a long time and never imagined would use me like that, and he did. By the timae it ended he discarded me after emptying me clean off blood. And i was completely devistated, i didnt know what hit me. I was on the side of the road basically trying to fathom what just happened but i dont think that i did or do even now, or ever fully will. I dont think the human soul is strong enough to understand these acts. Its not built that way. These type of things kept happening to me all my life. And i never had to chance to get some resolution or closure with these traumatic events. Only now i am begninnng to understand the emotional concequnces of being on this express train for as long as i did, and being its sole passenger. This train that only goes forward yet never stops exhilarating. And now, i stare into my reflection and im looking for change. Anything. Signs of premature aging would be bliss. In this world of mine where being stuck is your personal savior, i guesa this is your only reminder of being alive.

2 Replies

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  • Hello Theresasound. I thought I'd be the first to reply as you could do with someone to talk to. Hope the last 12 hours have been bearable.

    You seem to be stuck in an emotional rut.

    I hope you can find the strength to move on. It's amazing how the most vulnerable of us can find the courage to get up and start over.

    People are cruel and, as you so graphically say, can bleed us dry.

    You poor thing sitting on the side of the road....were you literally left there?

    As for our souls....well I suppose we can call the part of us that no on can see our soul or our spirit. Nothing can destroy or harm your soul although your emotions are in tatters.

    You are very much alive...look around you.

    Being stuck is your personal saviour? Not sure what you mean by this.

    Every morning we get up and start a new day...no need to feel stuck. Time is racing on as it always does.

    Hope you feel better about yourself and your life today.

    Welcome to the site....I'm quite new here.

    Jan (hilohilo)

  • Sorry you are hurting ,Theresasound. Although our skins are about the same thickness our emotional "skins" vary a lot in thickness and you sound like a sensitive ,caring person. This is a great gift but does have the penalty you are probably more easily scarred and bruised emotionally. Despite this you have coped with all this hurt, you're still there and posting ,and time will see you get back to your usual self.

    You don't say whether you have seen a GP but I think this is worth doing as there are treatments to help cope with anxiety.

    It is n't much consolation but the hurt you have gone through will ultimately make you that little bit tougher emotionally which means the world will be a little poorer but you will be a little richer, emotionally.

    Not all men are bastards ,although there are some, and it seems to me women who are more devastated by abuse meet these predators more often. Perhaps you sense in some way these men need help of some kind. Whatever, you must try and steer clear of them , they are poison to anyone who is sensitive emotionally. It might well be these men also have a sixth sense in locating the more caring souls who might be more easily dominated.

    Human souls are surprisingly tough. I hope that the passing of time means you come out of your shell again and that you meet someone who fully deserves your trust and can help you build into a stronger person emotionally than you were before.

    If you have a sympathetic friend you could confide in about what has happened that and time will be a great help in getting you once again back to 100%. The world needs more caring, and sensitive people so don't take too long. Be careful what you wish for. Once you are a tougher recovered person , you might fine signs of premature raging less welcome, but your spirit will I'm sure remain beautiful always.

    Olderal

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