Beyond empty

I can't believe my life is turning into this. I go to work and sleep. I don't want to listen to music, enjoy photography, be outside, eat, watch films, - nothing. I just want to sleep.

My doctor changed my medications to help me 2 weeks ago and there has been no improvement. My home is dirty and self-care is hard but I manage to put on clean clothes atleast. I just feel so empty. Before I kept a lovely home.

I was depressed before but now it is so extreme. No idea how I am supposed to come back from this.

20 Replies

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  • Hello lacey

    Do you know what has brought all this on, to know why is a good a good beginning

    BOB

  • Everything seemed to fall apart in February for me. I feel like I live in the shadow of myself. I used to be able to a lot of things I can not do anymore. I am only 40 so it not an age type of set back. Mostly my mind. I just don't know me anymore.

    I have been forcing myself to do enjoyable things. And I found something I actually am enjoying. I have started to watch documentaries on Irish and Scottish history. Stories of the immigrating to 'the end of the world' (Austraila) really have captured my interest. I went to the library this afternoon and gathered more DVDs and books on this topic. My plan for Sunday is to rest and enjoy my library books. It makes me feel good because I have nothing I wanted to look forward to for a very long time.

    Thank-you Bob for your reply and kindness.

  • Hello Lacy

    We made life changing choices about two years ago, I suffer chronic pain and we had problems with a Quango and we were forced out of a family home. We had purchased a holiday home and we managed to purchase our next doors cottage, we then joined them both together and now I have a property adapted for my disability. We moved away from our old home and now live in detached bungalow, designed for me and my wife has a nice big garden to play in, We also have a dog that keeps us busy. What I am trying to say is,if you can make changes and make life bearable it can do your mental health good.

    If it takes a move to the Southern hemisphere go , we only live a short time and we need to take life by the horns and not let go.

    When in my twenties I had two chances to move away, once to Australia and another chance to Bermuda, I was persuaded by family not to go. I was a fool and should have gone, life only happens once until proved otherwise. We make our decisions and with thought I was silly to listen to family members who in a way were looking after their own interests.

    Run with whatever you decide

    BOB

  • Hello Lacy

    I am sorry if I got my reply wrong that I just wrote, I was thinking that you wanted o move onto a new life pathway.

    We all dream what we would want to do in life, like me I do read books a great deal, although now I do not travel or dream of distant places any more, although I still wonder what if?? I could or if I would do something different when I was younger.

    Sad now I am sixty five and now I have set myself up to a new life on the Scottish/English Border and that has seemed to have given me that chance to live in peace that I hope will last.

    Your medications will need to take a further three weeks to work properly and then hopefully you will get some relief.

    One thing I like doing sometimes is that I go onto the internet and visit the web site of The World Cruise Ship, this boat is full of the wealthy who buy flat type rooms on the ship and they travel the world, around and around, they never need to leave the ship and I find that very appealing, what if comes to mind. So I have started to save up our first million to get the digs on the boat. Mind they do say you need five million to live on the ship LOL.

    BOB

  • Hi 2 weeks isn't very long and it can take around a month to get into your system so give it a bit longer. If there is no improvement in time then go back to the doctors as another ad might suit you better. I tried 2 others before I found sertraline which I am on now. x

  • Thank-you. I am on three different medications now. My doctor sat down and researched the ones he felt best on his computer. It made me feel good he really looked like he cares.

  • Hi

    I am so sorry you feel so bad. You say your are putting on clean clothes, that is a possitive. Feeling empty is a hard thing to feel and it's hard to keep things tidy when you feel this way. It seams to be important to you, maybe set a challenge for the day. Do one thing and give yourself credit for it.

  • Thank-you. I know it does sound ridiculousness to most adult people to feel they accomplished something by just taking care of themselves. But it means a lot there is people like you and on this board who do understand. Sometimes I pretend like I am looking after someone else. I make up my bedroom like a guest was going to stay the night. Or pretend to make a meal that would be good enough to share with a guest. Clean my front room like I had a guest coming to visit, etc.

  • I really like this idea and this is also what i do, so in no way does it sound silly and I have clicked "recommend " on your post as I think this is a very good coping mechanism and helps give self respect in difficult times. X

  • Thank-you.

  • Done despair I feel like you. .wait for the medication to work. .remember you are not alone

  • Thank-you sincerely.

  • Dear LaceyTiel, you are certainly not alone ,loss of interest in things you normally enjoy is a sympton of depression and you will come back from and enjoy those things again .

    Its hard to believe this if this is the first time this has happened but many of us on here have experienced this, some many times, and always one comes back from it.

    Your meds ,unless you are very lucky will usually take longer than two weeks to work and when they do bring some relief that enable you to achieve more each day it is important to tidy up your home and make every effort to pick up the threads and resume normal life.

    The fact you are continuing to work and keep presentable shows you have the courage to do this and it is n't easy.

    Practical help required is different for everyone but I always found having someone to talk to honestly and openly, a friend ,maybe a family member ,who you can trust to talk to in confidence, always helped. Along with reading-for a few hours I could lose myself in a book-which gave my troubled mind a few hours holiday from its cares.

    When you recover from this is it possible to book a longer appointment with your GP to discuss treatments and meds. to help in the future? It would probably be worthwhile to write down your problems and how you feel now . This is because just like physical pain ,when we recover,either temporarily or if lucky permanently, there is a tendency to forget just how bad it was.A written record will help you and your GP to take positive steps should the problem ever recur.

    Thinking of you,hoping you start recovery soon and you have the full sympathy of all on here.

    Olderal

  • Thank-you for your kindness and great ideas. I did borrow some books from the library and am going to push threw this latest set-back with as many positive behaviours as I can. My GP spent 45 minutes with me the last time I saw him. I think he saw how serious this set-back was to me. I am thankful for not being put in the hospital. I never self harmed other than letting my weight slip down way too low.

    I have tried talking more than ever this time. My partner has his moments where he acts supportive. But then other times he has said he 'didn't have time for this' . It hurt a lot since I always without any exception had made time for him. And he repeats the same things over and over again- and never once did I do anything but listen. I am going to make a new post now about the topic of 'listening'. I had one true friend that listened to me on the phone. And another one who tried I guess but I could hear hear surfing the web and replying to what I said with answers proving she was not listening.

  • Hi it doesn't sound ridiculous at all and I am the same as you in that my flat is usually not very clean and very very untidy. I am never sure if it is because I am lazy or it is the depression talking. Eventually it gets so bad it becomes almost unliveable and I have to sort it. It is then a big job when if done every day is only very small. I berate myself all the time for not tackling it sooner. My clothes and my person is always clean though as that has to be done to fit in with civilised society! The rest I can hide.

    Bev x

  • I think there are a lot of us who feel similar, I am also struggling to find a drug combination that allows me to even attempt to function. Also just in bed all day coz really he no energy. Itv relied on friends to cook for us this week. The best advice I hv had re cleaning was just to do it in 10 minute blocks even if that means leaving Hoover in middle of the floor, at least made it more manageable

  • I just did two hours of cleaning in a row. I might of well just said I climbed Mount Everest! I access each day by - get ahead, break even and fall behind when it comes to house cleaning. I have nightmares about people seeing my house messy. I have six rooms in total. The kitchen says pretty clean because I don't cook anything. I like your idea of 10 minute blocks. It feels like time goes so slow while cleaning. I used to enjoy music to keep me company but I don't anymore.

  • Well done. If you are working , cleaning (now) etc. you are taking very positive steps yourself to get better. Not everyone including myself can always do this and I realise this but its very important to try, and don't beat yourself up to much when you fail on occasions.

    You sound as if you have a good GP if he gave you 45 minutes. It is hard to find someone who will listen and talk about your problems . There are not many saints about. My wife was very patient with me and a very great help but of course either consciously or unconsciously, depending on how cynical one is , she had a vested interest in helping me carry on.

    That last sentence in no way lessens my gratitude to her. Also although GP, family,friends , can help a lot be selective with who knows and remember the person with the most to gain from recovery is yourself so make sure you do all you're capable of. If you're on a sinking ship with one lifebelt it would be a remarkable friend,GP or family member who gave it up to you. SO yourself is most important in every respect.

    Keep going up--a little progress every day adds up to a lot in a month.

    Regards Olderal

  • Thank-you for your kind and insightful reply. I really want to get better. Feeling discouraged is not helping myself but at this moment I think it best describes me. My workplace is quite disheartening. There was a girl who people don't like because they say she loud and a b@tch - but honestly I do like her. And even management were laughing and whispering about her today. They heard her ask some other girls if they had an extra feminie product she could have. And apparently this was something to find very funny. This is a perfect example of if someone doesn't like you- they will find anything to jab and mock you. No one made fun of her to her face. I think she would cry if they did. I know they are making fun of me for my mental health. But I also know they make cruel fun out of most people. I really don't like that. I never participate and never find it funny. There has been a few times I spoke to the person getting made fun of and ask if they are okay.

    The new medication my doctor added to my already in progress medications is Evail. There is a possible side effect of bring dizzy taking it. I am on my third week now and I do feel dizzy. The weird thing is as much as anyone would like to feel dizzy I actually like it because it keeps the boredom of my depression entertained. I can't feel proper emotion at the moment. My partner returned home from a business trip yesterday after a week. And I didn't feel anything when he said he could not visit me as he promised. I think of the way of things he does that used to get to me- and now I don't care. Not like I used to. But everything is being coloured by the same brush in my life so I know it is him as an individual that is making me feel weighed and glum.

  • I am seeing lots of chatter about medication. I have never been one for going to the G.P. I see the same G.P. as my wife so I am a little nervous. I am not sleeping or really eating. What do these meds do? Do they help clear your thoughts or help get them in any order? I am struggling to function, going to work, which I have historically been really good at. Never taking time off except for surgery stuff. Do they help cope with the feeling of being alone or help with paranoia? I am struggling with trust. I have 3 boys but my wife and I do not love each other and have no relationship. Not for years.

    There is a girl I have loved since 13yrs old that wants me to leave my wife but I cant deal with that or leaving my kids. I love her so much but my Dad left us and I am afraid I will become him, I have seen him once since he left in 40 odd years. I dont know what to do. I wish my wife no home and love my kids. My real love wont let me dither now. She wont talk to me. I am a mess and I dontvunderstand why I cant cope or just stay home. She has everthing I want in a partner. Except my kids. It is in the open, I am not sneaking around. Hervwhole family knows and want her to be happy. I get that. I havevstuggled for years with this but have stayed by my kids giving as much time as I can to my love but now at tjis impasse I have collapsed and so lonley. Will teh meds help with all thisj will they get me through. So confused as I never really knew waht happened with my dad execpt he left us to live with another woman, I was devastated and cant do that to my kids. Sorry rambling in circles.

    Will drugs help?

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