I've been divorced for almost 3 years now and I'm still struggling. I was married for 15 years and although there were serious problems in the marriage, it was a huge shock. I live in the USA by the way, so maybe I don't even belong here. Anyway, the ex just left the divorce papers on the couch and left and didn't come back till the next afternoon. We had a huge fight, yelling at each other and he left with my daughter and didn't come back. I was so devastated and emotionally and physically exhausted from crying, plus I felt really bad because I'd yelled at my daughter, all I wanted to do was get some rest. I took my usual nighttime meds, a sleeping pill and a muscle relaxer plus I took one extra (which one I don't know) and went up to bed. That's the last thing I remember till I woke up in the hospital. I have no memory of what happened in between. I only know what people have told me.
I was being treated for attempted suicide. Apparently, my neighbor had to call for an ambulance to take me to the hospital. When I woke up, I was in a living nightmare. There was no family at my bedside, just hospital staff keeping an eye on me. I thought it was rather strange that there were no familiar faces there like my husband or daughter or other members. I waited and waited for someone to show up, but no one did. I was totally alone and I didn't know what had happened to me or how I got there. I was so scared and confused. And I didn't have my glasses, so I couldn't see anything. That made it even more terrifying for me. As I started to feel better, I knew there was something terribly wrong. I thought my family should have been there by now; my mom, brother and sister. But then I started to realize that my husband had never called anyone and he never came back to the hospital after the emergency room. He had chosen to leave me all alone. I finally called my best friend and she was shocked when I told her what had happened. I asked her to get a hold of my neighbor so that she could get some stuff from my husband, including my address book so she could call my mom. He just left a bag outside on the back deck for her. I had to admit myself into a recovery center. I had no medical insurance because my husband had cancelled what little I had through his work at the end of the year.
My neighbor did call my mom and told her what had happened and she and my sister and brother-in-law made plans to come to where I was. (We lived in different states) I had to stay in the recovery center until they came for me and it was like being in prison, locked up and all. It was horrible and terrifying. The family didn't get there until 3-4 days later and when arriving back at my home, I found out that my husband had called his attorney and had asked the judge for an order to have me barred from my own home because I was a danger to my daughter, but then he had it removed. I couldn't believe it. My mom and sister stayed for 2 weeks and then left, leaving me alone with a man who was willing to just let me die and be deposited on the streets. I tried to find an attorney who would help me, someone, but because I didn't have control of the money I couldn't afford one. My family told me to let my husband take care of it, because he would do the right thing. Well, he didn't. He knew I was still recovering and he took advantage of that and manipulated and lied to get just what he wanted. And he wanted me out of the house. I literally feared for my life while in that house waiting for the divorce to be final. He made it so uncomfortable for me to be there. So in the end, I wound up losing everything; my home, most of my possessions, my daughter (he has full custody of her) and nearly my life.
I had no where to go, so I had to move back in with my mom. I brought very little, the clothes I needed, the books I wanted the most, my cross stitching stuff and a few pieces of furniture. Most of it is stored in a small shed in the backyard. The ex did bring me and left me the truck. I found out a bit later from a neighbor that the minute he returned to the house, he moved in his mistress and he's been living with her ever since and there is nothing I can do to get my daughter out of that situation. She is verbally abusive to my daughter and the ex does nothing about it. So, for the past 3 years I've been living with my 85 year old mother who treats me like I'm 5 and the bedroom I'm in is very small and cramped. I tried to get on disability because of my depression and the fact that I have Graves Disease which seriously affects my eyes (my glasses are extremely thick) but I was denied. I was in an accident 3 months after moving in with my mom and my truck was totaled. So I have nothing to drive. I haven't worked in 17 years; I was a homemaker when married. I don't know what to do; I'm terrified of looking for a job; the market has changed since I worked. I can't get a job without a car and I can't buy a car without having a job. I have to use my mom's car but a lot of times we have conflicting schedules and it's just not working anymore. Because I didn't have any medical insurance, I couldn't get any mental health therapy and I got stuck with all the bills from the hospital and recovery center and the doctors because the ex didn't want to pay them. It's just been in the last year that I qualified for Medicaid and I was able to get the help I needed. I'm doing all the right things: I'm in individual therapy, but only once a month and I'm in a couple of therapy groups twice a week and they are helping. I exercise and take care of myself. I try to eat properly, I do aromatherapy, I have a close relationship with God, but the depression still takes hold of me and I feel like I'm not moving forward. I'm stuck in this house with my mom 90% of the time and it's driving me crazy. I would like to be in a loving relationship with someone, but I have severe trust and abandonment issues. I'm 58, in decent shape physically and I've been told I'm pretty, but I'm very shy and have a hard time getting close to people. I don't want to live the rest of my life alone, but I don't know if I can ever trust anyone again and I'm just so frustrated and depressed and lonely.
I'm sorry this has been so long and this isn't even half of the story. Maybe I'll finish the rest at a later time. Thanks all for listening. I appreciate it very much.