Earlier this year I was diagnosed with depression and I found it so hard to come to terms with it, I still don't want to believe it to be honest but I guess I've just got to deal with it. I guess I'm just on this website to lift a little weight off my shoulders and let my thoughts out (I'm one of those people who bottles everything up which isn't great). Last year I came out as gay to my family but not everyone in my life knows, my grandparents for example and some close friends. I want to tell people so bad but I'm so scared of negative reactions I guess.. That sounds pretty bad and I know I shouldn't care what others think but having depression and anxiety I literally over think every little situation. I'm not sure if some of my close friends not knowing I'm gay is having an effect on my depression, it certainly doesn't help when my work colleagues ask me if I have a boyfriend after being in uni all year and I feel I can't tell them I'm seeing a girl. Like every little thing stresses me out to the point where I take it out on my close friends and family. I feel like I can't speak to any of my friends about my depression as I feel they might look at me differently or something or judge me in some way. When I'm really low and sad it shows, most of the time I try my hardest not to show my emotions but sometimes it gets really tough keeping tears in. I feel a little ashamed saying this but a few weeks back was the last time I cut myself, I've stopped because this time the scars aren't going away and I'm really worried they're going to stay for life. I'll experience random moments of not feeling real and not even feeling like I'm me any more, my mind goes blank and I feel like I don't want to be alive any more but then I kind of snap out of it but it comes back eventually... No one knows I've ever cut so I'm a little hesitant to post this but yeah. I feel really lame writing this but I guess it's just nice and comforting knowing there's other people on this website who probably know what I'm going through.