Down again

Have been referred to the community mental health team, my appointment is on Monday and I am really anxious about going. I've had counselling before but only for six one hour sessions and I spent the first four just weeping, so that didn't do much good. I'm worried about opening up about my past, I've kept it shut away for so long, it will be like reopening a wound and I'm not sure I can cope with that. Plus the pain involves my parents, who are still alive and are not going to change, so will anything really alter. I find not knowing what will happen frightening. Maybe I'm being a baby but uncertainty makes me worry even more. Time to shut up as I'm feeling sorry for myself again. Regards Lorna

9 Replies

  • Hello Lorna, uncertainty is my big trigger too :) You are bound to be anxious about going. Have a think about what it is that could benefit you; you say you spent the time crying last time but was that not what you needed to do at the time? You don't say whether it's an assessment interview or what it is; all I would say is try to be as honest as you can. Don't know if you're on meds or not but they can help. I'm sorry Lorna my brain is absolutely not in gear this morning and here I am trying to reply to people; it's not working very well! Just wanted to say that I sympathise.

    Do also keep safe; bear in mind that our mental health system is limited and there may be waiting involved for any indepth therapy so maybe don't open up a can of worms if they are not going to do a followup straightaway; just say you are very distressed about this and so need to know a timeframe in which it can be dealt with; well that is what I would do anyway as if you open up and then have several weeks wait before anything more longterm can be done that could be very difficult for you.

    but in the meantime medication can help to stabilise.

    Gemma X

    PS Sorry meant to say wishing you all the best with your appointment. X

  • Thanks Gemma, I'm on medication but it has been reduced in case the team want to change it. I don't know if this is just an assessment so I'll bear in mind not to open up too much. Thanks again. Regards Lorna

  • I am very similar to you. This time I have spoken to just about everyone I know this last week. About 50% of my friends have suffered from depression and anxiety previously so have a good understanding of what I am going through. I feel more confident now about talking this through with a stranger. I did actually work for the NHS as a medical secretary in psychotherapy a few years ago. I thought my family were normal until I worked in that department. It may help for you to realise that 90% of the cases we were dealing with all started with parental issues. Just go in there thinking "Numptie" understands and if she can do this I can and in a spiritual sense I will be there to support you.

    Let me know how you get on. I have had 2 lots of therapy previously. I am about to start again and it really will help.

  • Thanks, I will try to keep in touch.. Regards Lorna

  • I know it's obviously down to you and I am not being dictatorial (at least I hope not) but do you think what you use as your username is the most healthiest of choices? Just asking as I am only concerned that you are not putting yourself down in any way. Best wishes. Henry

  • Hi I do emphasise with you as it can be very hard opening up to a counsellor. I think a lot depends on how long you have with them and how you relate to them. If things are too painful to go into then you need to tell the counsellor that and they can then go at your pace not theirs. So play it by ear and see how it goes. Perhaps just start with smaller issues first?

    You are right that you cannot change the way your parents are but what is under your control is the way you react to them. Counselling can enable you to see the issues more clearly so you can perhaps find a way to react differently to them and can stop them upsetting you.

    One thing which is very important to remember is that while you can't change the past you are in charge of your future so your aim is to remember the past to make sense of it (or accept there is no sense involved) then you can be free to move on. This will take time and of course it will be painful at times but it is well worth it. I did it with my mother and it does work.

    You can't change the way your parents are so don't even try but you can change the way you react to it.

    Good luck with your appointment and let us know how you get on.

    Bev x

  • Thanks Bev. Will do my best . Regards Lorna

  • Hi Lorna,,

    You are NOT a baby, you are anxious about the amount of pain you will feel if you engage with services that touch feelings about your past. Counselling is a situation meant to enable you to touch those feelings and talk about them, but the community mental health team is not, it is a service that will talk with you and help you to find ways of coping and overcoming your problems.

    You say you are worried about opening up your past as if you imagine being overwhelmed by the feelings - which suggests you have been overwhelmed by them in the past. It would be painful to face them but it is also the best way of enabling the past feelings to feel like they are past, the more you are able to go into the pain the less powerful it will become. Perhaps you are not ready to do that, but if you are able to overcome your fear you can be helped to leave the past behind and manage your present relationship with your parents in ways that do not allow them to cause you further pain.

    Wait until you have had the appointment on Monday, you will feel a lot more at ease about the role of the mental health team and your anxiety will subside. When you are clearer about what they are offering you might think about whether you would like to face the difficult feelings and finally move on from them. If you decide you would like to then you could ask your GP to refer you for therapy (rather than counselling which is a little different) - psychoanalytic therapy would enable you to face the demons those feelings have become and to finally put them to rest.


  • Thanks Sue, Will wait and see what the team suggest. Regards Lorna

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