How do you love yourself

I've recently encountered what I consider my first failure in my eighteen years of life

It's nothing big really, but it's the one thing that I'd ever worked hard for

Throughout my life I'd never really put effort into doing anything, but bluntly I somewhat achieve them anyway (not brilliantly, just gets it)

I'd literally slept for a day yesterday

After breakfast this morning my parents hugged me and told me to rest

I went back to my room and saw my reflection in the mirror and I looked like crap

I am utterly disgusted by myself

I really really hate myself

Had it not been my family who love me I'd be long dead

I know it seems like said failure is causing me this but I believe these hatred towards myself had been there since forever

I really hate myself I find myself the most disgusting person ever

How do you love yourself

How do you accept yourself?

I really cant

4 Replies

  • Ah Hannah, there is no quick way to do this, but it’s something you will have to work at. There are so many things and tools to help though and you can change.

    It’s often human nature to see ourselves through the eyes of others. In other words it’s other people telling us we are worth loving that makes us think we could be loveable? And of course the opposite also works, that if we are told we are worthless, it can be easier to believe that than the actual truth.

    Trouble is it is often what we repeat to ourselves that makes these feelings stronger and stronger, so if you are constantly telling yourself that your something your not, you are in a way tying to program this into yourself.

    That’s why a good therapist can help as they will give you key words or phrases to practice when this feeling comes into your head. Now I am not talking from personal experience I’m afraid, but having a daughter that like you who was convinced that she was wrong in every way! Although she may talk to me I could not convince her of her inner and outer beauty as hard as I might try! It may help a little but never enough, but seeking a professional did help, she was given exercises to do when she was in certain situations and she just keeps practicing on them when the situation arises. Also once you find the right help it means you can dip in and out just when you need to discuss something or need help, so it can be short and long term as needed. a lot of people have identity issues that may need help finding out who they are as they feel so confused sometimes.

    It’s hard being your age as your emotions are changing so much along with your hormones, so there is so much going on in your life to cope with. Sometimes you need to find distractions to just calm your thinking, and at other times you need to address those thoughts to see they are false, there are many ways to do this, using flash cards can help, were when you are in a better frame of mind you can write down some of your good things down and when you feel yourself slipping down, keep reading them and bringing back the feeling that when you put those words on paper you know they were true.

    Have you yourself tried to comfort a friend in need, if so use some of that compassion directed inward as well. It’s all these little things that over time will help.

    Don’t ever underestimate your impact on this world, you are like a pebble in the water that will ripple outwards if you give yourself a chance, not only is there so much good for you to experience in life, everything about you is also going to impact those around you in a lovely way and enrich there lives as well.

    When you get stuck and can’t do it alone, just reach out for help, you will find it xx

    Lots of Hugs to you xxxx

  • I know where you are coming from having been there my self for the best part of my life..... Let me start from beginning I was a normal 4 yr old that got knocked over I spent 3 months in hospital an having to learn to walk and talk all over again well that was hard not knowing then what I know now was I really naught was I really that bad then at the age of 12 I went in to a deep deep dark place depression set in I would have ago at any one from the age 20 I was given antidepressants that well made me sleep so I have black or blank spots in my life the point to this is I am still on medication and I the key to loving your self is looking after your self buying your self or as they say pampering your self make your self feel special.... I still have days where I hate been here soon as that frame of mind sets in I think to my self what and why can't it be better I go out for a walk an keep active you must know that people don't think bad of you I would think this myself telling my self people hates me but they don't know me I just want you to feel loads better about your self an not worry about nothing have you seen anyone about this ? Gp are you taking anything for this low mood feelings you have towards your self I am on 150mg sertraline

  • Hannahhannah, every one in the world, when looking in the mirror don't like something about themselves. You really are not alone, I have hated my reflection all my life, but try this, look in the mirror and find one thing that you like, a little finger, big toe, right ear, now every day just concentrate on that one thing, learn to really love it then move onto one more thing, remember love is just a word. You are 18, you are beautiful all women are beautiful.. Every day say to yourself I AM BEAUTIFUL, and listen to yourself, women are the strongest minded people in the world, so you can do it, remember love is only a word, like yourself first, let others love you, they do and they will.

    Huge hugs xxxxx

  • I was the same at your age. Believed I wasn't worthy of anything and hated myself. But I think I am more confident now. I think it's a case of growing up (you are still only 18 remember and your hormones won't have settled down yet). I didn't become more confident in myself until about a year ago. I was told I have anxiety etc and I started to understand myself a bit more. So I think a lot has come down to learning about myself, learning what I'm capable of and how far I can go and living within those means. I now know what to be proud of in terms of what I can achieve. Before I thought I could be a teacher and was so distraught when I failed. But now I know that being to hold a down a job and doing a good job is something I should be proud of. Because sometimes I struggle to even do that. Sometimes we expect too much from ourselves.

    You will come to accept yourself - it just takes a while, especially with having a mental condition. It's something you can't force. It actually just happens and you don't even realise it at first. Try not to be too hard on yourself though. I used to be and I wish I hadn't. Would have made my teenagehood easier.

    Much love xx

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