so unhappy

i am so unhappy with my life i have wished i was dead from such a young age 13 i am now 62 and i have come back to this dark place yet again as i have done many times before why did i not die when i took the overdose when i was 17 my only wish in life was not to have been born these feeling come and go it must have been a year ago since i felt like this now its back again and i don't no how to get out of it i hate everyone and i hate myself i worry about everyone in the world its a so unjust world and i cannot cope with it i just want to go to sleep and not wake up i feel for everyone that are under privileged that are getting stepped on i just can't cope with it i had the most horrible father and mother that mentally abused me and uncle that sexually abused me from the age age of 6 i hate these memories some times i for get then my own family have not turn out good they hate me for the way i am they judge me instead of understanding me the reason the way i am is because of the way i was brought up i give my all to them but they walk all over me and i don't no how to stop this they will say i am just a horrible person but i am not i am an angry person i just feel the only way out is death i don't have any friends which i crave the only friends i make are the ones who take advantage of my good nature

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  • Dear like me.

    I'm so sorry for the pain you are experiencing right now. It sounds like from an early age you have had a lot of things to contend with. I'm not sure if you have had any help at all with all of this. Even if you have in the past it sounds like you need to get some help now and there is help of various sorts of help out there. I am not a professional, but in my experience your first point of call would be to explain this to your Dr. If you find it hard to explain, it may help to print off your post here and take it with you.

    It sounds like you need someone to talk these things through with and your dr could advise something suitable for you.

    This forum is really good too, the lovely people on here helped me many times when I have been low and given me some great advice, so do keep coming on here and posting. I'm sure others will reply to your post as well and have some helpful guidance for you.

    Thinking of you

    Sue xx

  • Hi

    I can identify with much of what you have said as I also experienced emotional abuse throughout my childhood and then sexual abuse. You do not say whether you have had any professional help in terms of talking therapy. I found psychodynamic therapy helpful in that although the memories are still there and can be triggered occasionally very easily by life events most of the time I feel very much batter, happier than at any other time in my life and able to form healthy relationships which are more satisfying. You might ask your GP to refer you as it is never too late to share the feelings and come to terms with the past by letting go and grieving, but you need someone to share those feelings with. It is sad that you believe people will think you are a horrible person, your trust has been broken, but you will find that if you talk openly about how painful your childhood was and how unjust the abuse was too then you will not be condemned but instead will find most people are sympathetic and caring. You say you are not an angry person, but I hope you are angry about what happened to you as that is a normal and just response to abuse!

    The other thought is that you might join a support group for women who have been sexually abused, they exist in most areas and your GP could refer you to the mental health team who should be able to advise you about local ones.

    I do hope you seek some help at this time as it is sad to spend your whole life believing no one will understand where in fact they will if you give them a chance.

    Suexx

  • Hello and I hope it has helped just being able to express yourself on here. I want you to know that you are not alone and that people on here care about you and what you are going through.

    I have had many of the same feelings as yourself and it is horrible feeling like that. The feelings will pass as you know ;they will not be as intense as this all the time . I expect there will something in particular that has "set them off" again just lately, if only you can think what that is it may help. Have you for example recently been "made use" of by a friend or been criticised by family members? I know for me an episode like that could "set it off" again; I am only guessing from what you have written and there is no need to tell me; just something for you to think about as it may help you to feel less intense if you can understand what has made you feel so bad at this particular time.

    I agree with you many of the things you say about the world are true; it is an unjust world and a very harsh place at times; you are not wrong in that. It sounds like it has been particularly harsh for you as it has for others you will get to know on this forum. Maybe knowing that there are others here who have felt or feel the same will make you feel less isolated with your feelings.

    Listen also to secondhandrose, she has good advice for you. I guess you know about Samaritans and so forth.Some people who answer are good, some not so good but they are always there for times of crisis. Once I redialled because the first person was not helpful ; you will get someone else in a different part of the country, so do persist if you don't get a good response the first time. Your feelings are important and I am so sorry for what you have gone through.

    Do take care,

    Gemmalouise x

  • Hi thank you all that have responded with your kind words being the age i am i have been to different people over the years not much help i have phoned the Samaritans and was told i am to damage for them so they have not been any help i just have to try and get over it myself till one word can bring it all back, I have awful problems with my family as they don't want to no why i am the way i am some times moody some times angry because i let things get to me, I cannot hurt people's feelings but i allow them to hurt me and that whats make me angry because how can they do this to me i only want to make everyone's life happy and not hurt them i put there feelings before my own i am a giver i will help anyone till i feel i am being taken for a granted then i just won't have anything to do with them again that's why i don't have friends, I cannot confront anyone i don't no why, I, no i would feel better if i could but i can't because it comes out all wrong an i don't want them to hate me so i say nothing and it just stays inside me x

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