I'm at home for Christmas at the moment. I've not been taking my meds since last Friday. I'm ill physically, which has helped with the self harm as ive managed to be content with wallowing in illness. I have tickets to go back home on Saturday, i need to leave, even just for 24 hours before I come back again for new year. But my family dont understand. And ive argued everything to try and get back. But I can't give a good enough reason to leave to them, they dont know about my mental health issues at the moment. I told my mum about the rapes. she's told others I didn't want to know. I feel weak, a failure. I dont k ow what to do. And I'll be made to go to the doctors tomorrow for my flu symptoms, and I'll have to explain to the 'family doctors' what's been going on recently, because i have blood in my plem and when I overdosed last time there was some problem with my clotting, which could be relevant. So stuck.