So today I had to go to University. I had no choice, my attendance level is so low, and after I spoke to my personal tutor last week about the problems I'm having that didn't go too well, so I'm basically trying to convince her I'm okay so she doesn't kick me out of the course. I have two seminars today, I've been to the first which was 10-11, I found it really hard and couldn't concentrate on anything. I was watching the clock all the time to wait for it to finish.
I'm now in the library waiting for my next class at 1. Its 1.5 hours, I really don;t think I can sit through it. I'm trying so hard not to just go home. I feel completely stuck in this library; I know I NEED to go to this next class, but my head is fuzzy and I just want to run away. I want to go home. I want to go to bed. I want to sleep and not wake up.
I have to carry my supply of 150 paracetamol with me just so that I know I have a way out, and have some control at all times, even if I don't plan on doing anything right away. Last night I had to sleep with the tablet bottle in my hand, otherwise I couldn't sleep at all.
I'm so stuck. Basically trapped. I have another hour and 15 minutes until class, stuck on this campus, unable to do anything, its actual hell. Once I get to class, I could leave after 20 minutes because of 'illness', as long as I get my attendance mark. At the moment that's what I plan to do, but I'm finding staying here so hard. If I run away I'll be in trouble. But that sounds like heaven at the moment.