This is the day

This is the day

So I've been back at the 'rents for the weekend. One of the bonuses of that is I get to see our family cat, Layla. She is very small for a cat, probably because she will only eat cat biscuits and nothing else. I took a picture of her in her favourite pose - cleaning herself, which she does obsessively. She even purrs while she does it.

She's a bit of a grumpy cow really, but she and I seem to understand each other. She used to sleep in my bedroom all the time when I lived there, and she goes back to doing that when I go back for the weekend. And for some reason we've never quite worked out, when she goes outside, she likes to leave the house via my bedroom window!!

I thought I would share something I started doing over the weekend as well. It's an idea from a book on codependency by Melody Beattie. Each day, you have to write a list of ten things you're grateful for. But, they can't all be good things; the idea is they should just be things that have happened that day, either good or bad, that you have no influence over. It's all about accepting things as they are and not stewing over what you can't change, but viewing it in a positive light. For example, yesterday one of my things that I was grateful for was that my family get so bloody annoying when they watch Strictly :p

Anyway, I've found it quite liberating thus far, so I thought I would share it :) Hope you've all had good weekends!

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  • I had a tortoiseshell many years ago - she was also a tiny little thing - one of the most fussy eaters there could - probably because I spoilt her when she was young - don't think she would have eaten cat biscuits but woe-betide anyone who went near her when she was tucking into some turkey. She was called Mir but was one of the most vicious little things you could imagine - loved play fighting and would rip leather gloves to bits with her back claws.

    Learning to accept the things we can't change is always a good move so glad that the book and the list is helping with that.

    Not sure that anything to do with Strictly could ever appear as a positive on a list I drew up though :)

  • Well, it was a stretch - I almost couldn't bring myself to mention Strictly on the grateful list! I don't watch it, but my family are avid fans. They just get so opinionated over it...and their opinions have nothing to do with how good the people are at dancing (though not sure the actual program has much to do with that any more!), but whether or not they like them. And the people they don't like always, without fail, fall into the category of Northern Girl. Of course, they get deeply affronted if you point this out ;)

    Female tortoiseshells are apparently vehemently territorial, so they told my mum at the rescue centre Layla came from.

  • Don't know that Mir (Russian for Peace) was actually territorial just living up to my usual cat experience which is best to choose a name that is the exact opposite of the qualities you want the cat to have. We had 3 cats at the time - the other two were inherited from another friend and had been in the house for a year before Mir arrived (acquired because I couldn't bear being without cat when I was studying away from home). She used to pick on one of them and would chase him round - though I remember one occasion where the second one decided enough was enough - chased her off and then proceeded to chase his brother around the garden. Cats can be such strange creatures :)

  • I could work with this, but why would you be grateful (greatful? I never know which!) for something rubbish? Give me sme more examples please!

    LUCY

  • Lucy I agree with you, gratitude is for good things, you would need

    To be crazy to be grateful for bad things, that's a step too far.

    You have. Lot of counselling going on. Try and go to the one that

    You benefit from most. The last time I had counselling was four years

    Ago when my partner died suddenly. It did help me though I never

    Had a lot faith in Counsellors , unless they are highly qualified and

    Experienced. Too many do a Diploma in a year and the haven't a

    Clue really. Good luck tomorrow anyway.

    Hannah

  • Sorry miss :p

    "Practice gratitude. Expressing gratitude is a powerful practice. It transforms (or helps neutralise) painful events. That doesn't mean saying 'thank you' only for receiving something good, although that's part of it. This activity is about practicing gratitude for everything, as is. Some situations may be too much to express gratitude for or accept all at once (or maybe ever). But we can turn almost any experience around by practicing gratitude for what we experience or feel each moment, especially the moments we don't like. If we're only grateful for what we label good, we'll only be grateful a few times each week. Please don't twist yourself into a pretzel trying to intellectualise how something may 'work out for good' so you can be grateful for that. That's trying to predict how life will evolve.

    Each morning, or as soon as possible, write the top ten feelings or events bothering, upsetting, or confusing you. Write that you're grateful for those feelings or events - even if you're not. Include gratitude for what you enjoy, the blessings, the good experiences too. It's important to say thank you for our gifts. But you also have to fake, force and will gratitude - write 'I AM grateful for _______' whether you're grateful or not. It's not lying. It's a spiritual practice and acting as if.

    Be as honest as you can about how you feel. You can write, 'Today I am grateful for: the way my true friends uphold and love me; the emptiness inside; feeling like a failure; someone I love betraying me; someone I trusted lying about me; or friends gossiping about me behind my back'. Write ten things - good, bad and in-between - that are in the forefront of your mind. Instead of feeling lost, numb, or confused, we'll become conscious, aware, and alive. If you're going through a tragedy, I'm not suggesting you practice gratitude for that. You're in deep grief and right now you're learning something else.

    This exercise helps us understand that each moment is perfect, as it is. Awareness leads to acceptance. Acceptance takes us to surrender. Surrender brings power and peace."

    Straight from Melody. It's about accepting things as they are today rather than wishing they were different. It's not developed for depression, it's for us codependents, I just thought that doesn't mean it wouldn't be useful to people on here.

  • May be the problem is the word gratitude and the associations some people may have towards it. It sounds to me as if it is actually a way of expressing mindfulness - you aren't grateful for the fact your family are opinionated and judgemental about northerners and driving you nuts as a result but you are grateful that you have family and you can spend time with them and they interact with each other and you are around to experience all of that ... and you are learning not to get bogged down in the fact that you can't change the fact that they are opinionated and judgemental about northerners because they are really the only ones that can change that :)

  • As ever Gambit, you explain it with far more succinct clarity than I ever could :)

  • Funny how we ALL love cats on this forum! ;)

    Hope you're well ThemysciraDrive, lotsa love, Holly Xxx

  • Yeah it os odd how we're all cat people! How are you doing Holly?

  • Funny innit, maybe we've got something in common, or some kind of bond, us and cats..

    I know they were worshipped by the Egyptians, and I think they're the most gracious, beautiful and wonderful

    creatures on this planet, and I love their independent nature and 'don't give a fuck ' attitude lol.

    But there's defo a common thread here how we're all cat-lovers..

    I've been ok TheniscyraDrive, up and down.. Cold,skint,but I've been worse so I'm looking at the bright side..

    What about yourself, how have you been?

    Big hug,Holly xxx

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