Loneliness is hard for me to deal with, because the loneliness I feel is not rooted from lack of contact but from my childhood. One can feel alone without being alone and being alone doesn't make me feel lonely but mostly better cause I don't have to pretend that everything alright. I can't always be around others as I can't pretend and I feel guilty when I am not doing well, I don't like myself and don't want to impose myself on other people. I woke early this morning and was in what I call the bleak ....the not wanting or knowing what to do so I got out of bed and got my son off to school and I have spoken to myself, to get moving and not give up. I often want to give up and just lay there till someone saves me, but then I realize no one can, I pray to the Higher Power to help me through this time and will do my best to pull myself out of this today. Being alone can be good but it gives me too much time to fret and fret. It's an internal battle that exhausts me. I used to think that my depression had nothing to do with my childhood, and therefore I separate the two but I am staring to accept that part of it comes from the lack of parental support as a child, growing up without a mother or father is extremely hard, and I am now learning years later that I have been damaged by this and need to forgive myself for having difficulties and not always knowing what to do....thanks for reading
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