thank you for helping me

I have read all the post for a while now but not felt like sharing things but you have all helped me feel I am not on my own ,in the last five years my son has moved to austrailia, I was made redundant, my cats I had hand reared died, i had a stroke ,then two op to sort it out , my husband was put on a peg feed that just about finished me, then he broke his arm and he was kept in hospital for 10mth before he died, I was told by one doctor if I did not like were he was to go some were else then I was told if I had taken him home he would not have got all the infections he had and that I stopped his discharge so I feel I killed him and I can not forget his words. I wish I was not here ,

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  • Welcome to you. You will find people here are really nice :)

    So sorry to hear of all your sad experiences of the last 5 years. I truly feel for you. I think when loved ones die we do tend to blame ourselves and say 'if only'. Try not to be too hard on yourself. Easier said than done I know. You did what you thought right at the time. I am so sorry it didn't work out.

    I found this site a great help when I first came on here inApril this year, I am sure you will find it helpful too. There always seems to be someone who has similar experiences and some wise words...

    Sending you a hug, hoping today has been kind to you.

    Sue xxx

  • Wow - that's an awful lot for anyone to have to cope with.

    You weren't to blame for what happened to your husband in anyway. If it really was the case that your husband was going to be exposed to a lot of infections then that should have been pointed out to you when you were making the decision, otherwise it wasn't an informed decision and blame, if any, rests with the people that failed to apprise you of all the facts. In any case I don't see why being in hospital is an excuse for being exposed to a lot of infections - quite the opposite in fact. Please don't listen to that voice of doubt.

    Thinking of you

  • Hiya

    The beauty of forums like this one is that you can contribute as little or as much as you like, and that's ok. There are no rules.

    You didn't kill your husband. You showed love, understanding and compassion by staying at his side though such difficult times. And I'm sure that made his final days more pleasant. You haven't mentioned how you have been supported since. Have you had counselling or similar? X

  • Oh my, you have been through so much now wonder you feel down. I am sure your husband felt peace when you were at his side in difficult times, we always need someone to be our rock, and you were his.I agree with Ga,mbit, any blame lies with the hospital in not informing you properly and we always think people are better off in hospital, ( as they should be!!).

    I wonder if you have sought any help for yourself in getting through this. Maybe a visit to your GP to explain how you feel would be good and they could put some help into place for you.

    This site has been a lifeline for me. Like you, I don't post often but read the posts and see if I can help anyone. They are a lovely , caring and supportive bunch on here and now you are one of them. Welcome and come on here as much as you need to. Someone is always here to help. Thinking of you, Julie xx

  • Welcome to the Forum, you have been through so much and some of those

    things on their own, would be hard for most people to bear.

    I am sure your late husband was really well cared for and loved by you, forget what

    the hospital or Dr. said, it sounds outrageous, that you should feel any guilt at all.

    When we are grieving after the death of loved one, its natural to feel guilty and think

    I should have done more, or if only I did this or that. I have been through that myself, and

    its a natural part of grieving, So put that out of your head now.

    It sounds to me like you dont have a lot of support and are Depressed, would you

    consider going to your GP and telling him how you feel, I think you owe it yourself,

    and I am sure your late husband would hate to see you suffering.

    Let us know how you are, and you wont feel on your own when you post here.

    Take care

    Hannah

  • thankyou all of you ,I have been to counselling and been put on citiopram but it doe's not stop the words you stopped him going home in my head , I have been back to the doc's last week and you never see the same one, when I told her all my joint were painful she said to but cream on them and gave me some painkillers,i don't feel like I can go back.,and my counselling as now eded. I am so ashamed of myself .

  • Chris please don't feel ashamed at all. You have nothing to feel ashamed over I really think you need to go back

    To the Doctor and just tell her abut the words that keep coming in

    To your head. Tell her exactly what you have told us . They will get a good

    Idea where your at then. Take care and try to have a peaceful night.

    Hannah

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