sir , one day my friends says that on shivratri we will drink bhaang , okey i was agree and say yes . on 10 march 2013 i had i glaas og bhang ..bt after half an our i started to expreince its effect . as i m very sensitive person i dont know wts happeng and i afraid and called my friend he said tht u should sleep now everything will be fine. i dont know automaticaly my mind related that effect to the movie i had seen inception ...i was feeling that i am not in the real world ..next day when i was travelling through bus ...my mind said me that whether i a on bus or i m at home i doubted this thing ,, i dont know wt was that ...i reached colg and my frnds encourged me and give me support that every thing wil be fine in a day ...and i dont take tension afterwards i was fine and enjoying my life toooo the most as i m bright student every respects me and we had a lot lot lot lot lot of fun together wid my friends .. i was very naughty and i was seriuos in studies as well ....evry thing was fine my life was awusm .....bt 1 day that black day 8 april that changed my everything had taken my everything....i wil tell u wt happened that day ....i woke up in the morning brushed and dressed up for the colg very excitedly ,..in the 3 lecture i was sitting wid my friends ...and suddenly that idea or u can say that doubt that whether i m in colg or at home .......i m feared completely i dont know wt happen to me i started thinking in a different manner ...i thoght the things r getting slow and my mind did ol the work in it ...and i started to flow with my mind ...i was very much feared and started thinking that wt happened to me , whether i would be the enjoyable man ....days passed , months passed , i was topper of my claas ...my concentration power had reduced to extent that i can not sit for 5 mintes , my heart starting to say to drink water ,,,,..earlier my sitting was 10 hours and helped others to study ..exams came and i just passed wid 35 percentage and everybody was asking and saying me that wt happened ...and i told them the problm some of them laughed at me ....some started showing sympothy ...and 1 more thing i cannot wore my specs now becoz that doubt olwayz remain in mind ...and the things which i used to do very excitedly like watching movies, playing, teasing friends , stdying, caring for the peoples who weak in studies ...i was very caring ...i lived in a hostel ...and in exams time every body used to come to me help and i feel very good .....i had awsumm hold sqare infinty life ...and know i suicidal thinking .....everyday i think about this . in between time i had a days in exams in which i could not able to sleep for 4 days not a single mint .....and 1 day suidal thinking was very very high on me .....now i think a begger is better than me at leat he sleep a tension free life .......earlier i was very very energtic in my activities and i was adventourous ....my dream was to become indian army officer .....bt know i dont feell that thing .....i feared from crowed places and night .........earleir wen i used to went to some historical or enjoyable i used to click a lot photos ....i remember last year we had gone to a trip with my frnd i had clicked more tah 3000 photos .....evry used to say ,,,u click only pics .....i was very enjoyable ...i olways want to know people and want be their frnd ....i was very frndly wid girls ......1 girl used to say me brothr .....since i m diong b.tech .. 2 have been past and 2 year r left ....earlier i used to think that these 2 year wil go like a minute bt now evry minute is like a huge year for me ...the girls which used to seek help from me r not picking my phone .... i think that i m 1st and last stupid who think like this ...that i doubted and feared from idea that my mind generated ... i can not blame any one ...i had consulted a psycatrist , he did the 2 test ..and said that harmone deficency and said me that i wil be absolutely fine within 2 week and give me medicines .....bt i dont think that i will be that man ever that i used to be ........at the results day wen i saw my marks .....and the students who used to study from me are very happy .....and i was literraly in crying in the boys toilet .....when i saw the people around me whether rich or poor .......whether ricshaw puller or a tea staller ,,,,,they ol r happier than me ...and i had this doubt olways in mind i could not even understand the things now ....i wanna give a example : earlier when i was walking on the road on the way to colg i used to revise the things from boook whole concentratly without thinking that how i can read and walk simoultaneosly ...... earlier wen i used to see a movies a take full enjoyment and interst bt now i dont wanna go out side and dont wanna see movies dont wanna to tal to my friends ,,,,,,.....some times i blame my that friend and sometimes i blame myself that wt the hell i had done wid mee ......plz sir dont give mee fake advice that i will be okey plz if someone can help me out to get me in normal life .....i wil be very thankful to that for my whole life ....earleir i was very excited towards girls ....as i dont had any girl friend ever so i had planned that wen i i was go to my 2months traing i wil make i was very excited guy..bt now i feel that i m nothing ...y should i waste the girl life ...i had thinked that if i wil remain as this for my whole life then i will not marry ....y to waste 1 more life if i m not able to get me happpy den how can i spoil that lucky girl life......earlier i used to think that i wil bought this car and that ........earlier i feel very happy to help other ...and i olways demand to my god that i can help others ........my father is in army ...i belong to low middle class family..and i m punjabi with hair cut .....my house not to good ....earlier i had dream that after 2 years i wil gift a bullet to my father and i wil rebuilt my home .....bt now cried humbly think fr it becouse i have become zero from hero .......earlier i had to take a sleep after getting my whole syllabus done completely....i feel so confident and energtic .....i spent 15 mint in front of mirror that whether i m looking good or not ......i olways say my frnds to help me to ake up early and study ....bt i cannot able to study .........and litterly thinking to die den i think of my mom that wt will happen to them .........i dont want to waste my parents money as we r not so rich ..i have 1 brother that is in 12 ......my mom really loves meee .......earlier i uesd to angry on my friends on valid reasons ...bt now i m not angry at ol ....i feeelll very very low esteemed ...........earleir i had my own style of living and enjoying .......i olways used to say my friends that i want this colg never ends ........bt evry thing is chnged ......i have lost my value and respect ...now poeple dont undrstand my prob they jus say that i things wil be fine ......and olways asked wen wil be the thing be fine ..............when i will be dead .....plz help me sir ........plz telll me this is the curse of my prvious deeds or this is my self gnerated problem ...........i had cried continously for 1 month and my left eye no. has increased .......my life has become hellllll ...................plzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz ......................sir help .............
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